Screw Ground Beef...I Want Ground Hog!!

Today, groundhogs, also known as woodchucks, will be predicting how long it will be until the verdant and vernal times are upon us.

Their mastery to see or not see their shadows and ergo, forecast Spring’s arrival is legendary.

These rabies carrying, flea infested, funk factories will today, speak for Mother Nature.

God has bestowed upon them the ability to prognosticate on a level far surpassing that of us mere mortals.

And yet, we humans, more specifically, effeminate, shriveled up old white men, dressed like top hat wearing aberrations of Gay Talese, exploit them.

Today, the most famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, will be man-handled and paraded about like some freak of nature for the bemusement of those gathered on Gobblers Knob today.


It’s just plain creepy to me.

Not just the distasteful treatment of poor Punxy Phil...

But more so, that there is a group of grown, less than manly men fondling a rodent and each other at a place called Gobblers Knob.

The name alone, Gobblers Knob, suggests the title of a Thanksgiving themed gay, bestiality porn flick.

Seriously, one day a year is not recognition enough for these Nostradamuses of Nature. Any and every day should be devoted to the groundhog.

How can you and I make that happen? Simple…

We eat them.

And I have a special recipe for you all. It’s called Groundhog Pie, and it’s Yum-Oh!!

First you need a groundhog…Of course you can’t just go buy one. You have to kill one. Like in this picture below.


Oooooh, he’s a big meaty fellow. And, you can tell by his wound, that bungee sticks are very effective on groundhog termination.

Once you have harvested your meaty Marmota monax, follow these simple culinary steps…

Groundhog Pie

1 groundhog skinned and cleaned
1/4 cup onion
1/4 cup green pepper
1/2 tablespoon minced parsley
1 tablespoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
4 1/2 tablespoon flour
3 cups broth

Biscuits:

1 cup flour
2 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoon fat
1/4 cup milk

Cut groundhog into large pieces.

Parboil for 1 hour.

Remove meat from bones in large pieces, and then dice. Add onion, green pepper, parsley, salt, pepper, and flour to the broth and stir until it thickens.

If the broth does not measure 3 cups, add water.

Add the meat to the broth mixture and stir thoroughly.

Pour into baking dish.

For biscuits:

Sift flour, baking powder, and salt together. Cut in the fat and add the liquid. Stir until the dry ingredients are moist.

Roll only enough to make it fit the dish.

Place dough on top of meat, put in a hot oven (400 degrees F.) and bake 30 to 40 minutes or until dough is browned.


Tell me that doesn’t look Dee-Lish!!

Damn right it does. And with this recipe, any day can be Groundhog Day.

Here’s to an early Spring, and more importantly, here’s to putting the groundhog where he belongs…

In the center of your dinner table.

Cheers!!