One week to go until Jeebus becomes nothing more than a dead Jew danglin' from a cross.Is that exciting or what? I tellz ya, I'm all a-twitter with ecumenical excitement.
And...
My colon is puckering and unpuckering in anticipatory glee over once again eating meat just nine
Praise Jeebus!!
Speaking of praising Jeebus, I have a question for you all...especially those of you of the Christian persuasion.
It is said, that good works matter not and that the only way into Heaven is by accepting Jeebus as one's Lord and Savior.
If this is true...Is Hitler looking down upon us while gnawing on a bratwurst in all of his mono-testicular glory?
If this man (and other evildoers) who gassed, cut open, and otherwise killed 6,000,000 Heebs, accepted Jeebus prior to offing himself and his Teutonic Tart of a wife, according to the aforementioned Heavenly theory...
Hitler is indeed in Heaven.
Can somebody please explain the infinite justice in all of this to me? I need the info.
Have a heavenly Friday, all.
Cheers!!
37 comments:
Hmmmm ... well I am certainly NOT an expert so I'll leave the detailed answer to someone else, but I will say that I have no issue with Hitler being in heaven. Yeah ... sounds wrong, doesn't it? But if that's the way it works then he should be in heaven - otherwise Jeebus would be a liar and his nose would grow.
Dana: It doesn't sound wrong, it sounds logical. And by the way, Jeebus was in the Carpenters' Union. Bada Bing. Cheers!!
What?? I was fairly certain Jeebus was a non-union scab. You must be reading that liberal version of the Bible! *giggle*
Dana: Jeebus wasn't a scab; he washed them away. Just ask any leper that had the good fortune to meet him. Cheers!!
Some say this is hell and we all get to go to heaven. I like that idea, because we're all even steven.
Micky: Yeah, it does at times seem like Hell here on Earth, and then Schmoop takes her clothes off. Praise Jeebus!! Cheers Mick!!
Nope they aren't in Heaven because they committed a mortal sin and even though you can be forgiven a mortal sin it is only after condideration of thought and circumstance yadda yadda yadda, they don't qualify. He is sitting in hell with a hot 'braut up his ass while listening to no stop recital of the torah IN GERMAN. At least that is how I see it ha!
Lu: It is only a mortal sin because the Catholic Church deemed it so. In actuality, are there varying degrees of sin? Or, is sin, sin. No matter the degree or "intensity".
I will say this...Hearing a person read the Torah out loud in German would be a hoot. Cheers Lu!!
IF Hitler accpeted Jeebus as his Lord and Savior prior to his death then he is in heaven. But Matt this is Hitler we are talking about and that is a really big IF so don't worry yourself over it.
Snugs: While he was a maniac, he did at least give lip service to Christianity. Publicly, he professed to be a Christian, specifically in his book, Mein Kampf.
Privately, he made refrences that religion as whole, was bad. So I think it is possible that he tried to make amends, and therefore could qualify to be sitting in Heaven. Cheers Snugs!!
You also have to tithe 10% to get into the pearly gates plus he did himself in which would limit his access card to purgatory.
Still a curious concept, I've heard of lifelong sacks of shit doing deathbed conversions just to hedge their bet.
Hitler- for killing many Jews
British Royalty- for starving more Irish than the Holocaust
Idi Amin-nuff said.
Dick Cheney-nuff said
Hugo Chavez, Castro, Il Duce, and all the rest of the idiots are all in heaven , yet they are only members of the band. Practice Practice Practice. A different kind of hell in heaven .
are there varying degrees of sin? Or, is sin, sin.
Yes varying degrees as I see it, has to be.
Hammer: That titheing thing is a scam that has been miscommunicated by churches since the beginning of their existence. As for suicide...No where, other than factual menton does the Bile consider suicide a sin. That was man-made. Cheers!!
King: Ha. I like that, and thanks for the comment. I was going to mention Idi Amin in my post. And, Here's to the Irish...Fuck the Queen!! Cheers!!
Lu: But does God see it that way? Is there a sin grading curve that we don't know about? If so, I want to know what it is so I can take advantage of it. Cheers Pal!!
Of course he knows, he made up the scale. Now he isn't going to give away all the rules to the game, what fun would that be; for him.
Lu: So he is messing with us, or as Donavon sang, God is playing marbles...Cheers Lu!!
I'm a shooter :)
See it goes like this...they are in heaven, but they are only allowed to be in a room with a TV and the only show on is all the rest of the people in heaven partying and having hot sex and drinking and just enjoying.
Lu: Really? That's HAWT!! Oh, you were talking marbles weren't ya? Cheers Lu!!
Bond: AND, the commercials on TV contain video of Taylor Hicks singing whatever drivel it is that he is currently singing. Cheers!!
Now see, I have a different God/Jeebus than Lu. Mine doesn't have a sliding scale for sin where some sinful acts aren't as bad as others. Nope! Sin is sin. And ... and ... mine doesn't require a 10% tithe to get in either!
Maybe *I* read the liberal version of the Bible!
...the Three Stooges sang about Hitler being a "dirty rat"...that's enough for me...no Heaven!...
Dana: Unwittingly, you have touched upon a theory that I have been developing. The Bible is not altogether Liberal, however...
The Old Testament is very conservative...And The New Testment is very Liberal. I find that funny because in the U.S. the majority of Jews are Dems and the fundamentalists are Repubs. Ironic, no? Cheers!!
Phfrankie: Are you saying that rats are not a creature of God as well? Salvation for Rats!! Cheers!!
You had to go there, didn't you?
Suicide a man-made sin?
It's "ALL" man-made. Everything your discussing.
Well ... I'm not sure I'd call the Old Testament conservative - there are those minor issues of adultery, rape and polygamy.
I heard Sean Penn signed on to play the role of Larry in the Three Stooges movie. Moe and Curly still uncast but I heard Jim Carey for Curly.
It depends. If Hitler were a Republican then, yes, he would be allowed to just accept Jesus and denounce abortion and gay marriage (and his previous support of those things) and he's in. See Romney, Mitt, and Bush, George H. W.)
Here's a question for ya. Since most fundamentalist protestant groups don't consider Catholics real Christians, because they aren't saved, does that mean that Newt Gingrich is no longer a real Christian since he has converted to Catholicism? Or does that being saved thing stick with ya, no matter what? Just wondering.
Bond: Of course I did. I gotta be me!! Cheers!!
Micky: Infidel!!! Cheers Mick!!
Dana: And your point? Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, and the Mormons help carry the banner as far as that goes. Cheers!!
Lu: Wow. I'll have to check into that. Cheers Lu!!
Jay: Ha. As for your question...I'm not sure but I do know one thing in spite of his conversion he will always be an asshole. Cheers!!
Benicio Del Toro is Moe
While certainly not all Christians are Catholics....however it annoys the hell out of me that the rules of catholicism and the pope seem to get assigned to all Christians.
I know of no protestant group (outside of blessed Ireland)...fundamental or otherwise who don't consider Catholics to be Christians.
In the Old Testament mankind did have to perform works to be "saved"
In the New Testament the sacrifice given was to replace any requirement of works. Salvation is by faith and faith alone.
In Bagwine...I am considered by far one of the most conservative...however in other circles I am by far the most liberal.
Are people of atrocious behavior granted entrance to heaven...or do they endure their own special hell? Not sure. I know there is evil. It seems to me there are people who are evil. It seems to me there are people who are overcome by evil.
I'm not claiming to have it all figured out. Not sure how people can think they have it all figured out. As if we have reached the pinnacle of knowledge and understanding...as if we have nothing left to learn and understand.
I just want the eph-n Vatican to acknowledge the Portuguese fishing industry is solvent so I can get some other soup besides clam chowder on Fridays.
Jesus is Management.
Everybody is making a guess.
I guess we're all right.
Kat: I have never thought that Catholicsm gets applied to the Protestants. I live near quite a few Catholic bashers.
I do appreciate your tenacity as you are still bitching about the Portugese fishing industry. Ha. You're funny. Oh one other thing, Fuck the Vatican. Cheers Kat!!
Infidel: We're no less right than anyone else. Cheers Mick!!
Oy Vey The Yiddasha Charleston....
Sorry had a Danny Elfman moment. I have always thought that the main flaw in the fundy-mental christian tenant that all ya had to do was yell praise jebus and in you went, while people like Ghandi and the Dali Lama got to burn in hell. Cause that is Fucked. Up.
I don't know what heaven is but it better have beer.
I'm just sayin...
Starr: Yeah, I've thought about the Gandhi argument as well. And if there's a heaven, there will be beer. cheers!!
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