What does Cinco de Mayo commemorate, you ask?
Well, let me give you a history lesson and ‘splain it to you.
In 1862, Napoleon III, Emperor of France, sent troops to Mexico to install a puppet government.
This army of well supplied French soldiers had planned on attacking Mexico City. It was not to be.
When word of this plan spread, a gang of 43 young Mexicans decided to take on the French army.This gang had been formed after the evil Gadsden Purchase of 1853.
These brave gang members were known as the, Fuck Franklin Piercers.
Packed like um...well, Mexicans, into their horse-drawn hoopty with tricked out wooden wheels...
The 43 brave FFP-ers headed to meet the French at the city of Puebla.
Armed only with unbridled courage, switchblades, and mariachi music, these 19th Century gang members defeated the
That's the way it was...May 5, 1862.
I am glad those guys thwarted the French, because had they not, things today would be much worse here in the States.
For instance, all of the illegal aliens swimming across the Rio Grande to come here, would be French!!
Can you imagine having your lawn and garden kept up by a half dozen French guys? Oh, dear God…
They would be complaining about the heat, the pay, and the crooked mow lines on the fescue. And God forbid if you offer them tap water to drink…
They would demand Perrier!!
And just think…
The French illegals working here as hotel maids would have hairy armpits.
Do you want your bed made up and towels changed by a chick with hairy armpits?
I didn’t think so.
There would also be no Mexican fast food chains.
Instead, Main Street U.S.A. would be littered with fast-food eateries called, Crepe-Eaux Belle.
Am I going to go to a place like that when I’m stinkin' drunk at 2 A.M., and order the Pollo Puff Pastry Supreme with currants and bleu cheese...?
Je ne le fuckin' pense pas!!
Just think…If one of these border crossing French aliens stopped me to ask for directions, my entire response would be different.
Instead of the fluid, lilting sounding reply, “No Habla Espanol.” I would have to say...
“I don’t speak Frog, you pretentious French bastard.”
Hell, even history would be forever altered.Instead of being known for his brazen, anti-hero exploits, Pancho Villa would be known for his over powering serve as he won the 1912 French Open on the clay courts of the Stade Roland Garros.
So Sad…
So on this Cinco de Mayo, take time out to hug an illegal Mexican and thank them for not being French.
Just make sure to wear a pig flu mask and keep one hand on your wallet when doing so.
Cheers!!
Oh, and just for shits and giggles...From my Sharpie to your computer screen, a classic Inky and Lola cartoon...
36 comments:
Hammer: Damn right. The taco is the one of the greatest contributions to humanity from south of the border. Cheers!!
They should teach this in high schools. Grammar school even. This is an important part of history with which most of us are not familiar.
Karen: I try to be courageous while suffering the slings and arrows of alleged educators and impart the historical truth to the masses. Cheers Karen!!
Uh,.....what's a Mexican?
While I do believe that on the whole, French food is very, very good, there is no way it would be edible at 2:00 am after you just left the honky tonk.
And, the reason I'm most grateful to the Mexican's for whipping the French?
Mexican women are WAY hotter than French women. way, waY, WAY fucking hotter. I will not even entertain arguments to the contrary on this subject.
Songbird: Those peoples who descended from Montezuma. Cheers!!
Jay: Damn right...Neither French food NOR French women are edible after 2:00 A.M. Cheers Jay!!
I had a witty comment forming until it was knocked the fuck out by the giant G-R-O-A-N that escaped me at the end.;-)
TB: Ha. Whadda ya mean? That is some high brow art. But on the upside, just thinking of you groaning really turns me on. Cheers Sexy!!
...this post is irreverent, politically incorrect, just plain mean and...spectacular!! I love it!!!...(that Inky is a clever little bastard,ain't he?)...
I really like what brown can do for me if ya know what I mean, happy Cinco De Matteo
Phfrankie: Ha. Thanks!! And yeah, I dig Inky and Lola, but for the longest time I haven't been able to channel them. I hope the I and L mojo comes back to me. Cheers P-Man!!
Snugs: Ha. Very Clever. Right back at ya Snugs, and Cheers!!
Lola looks like she's licking her lips over Inky's Mayo - something tells me he's gonna have a good celebration of his own
Dianne: If that's gonna happen, I'm gonna have to draw him a stick dick. Cheers Di!!
Qu'est-ce tu gripe about, y'all? I'm from the Grand Nord Blanc and I speak les deux langues officielles du Canada. I live surrounded by les Francophones and I've learned to adapt to the ... peculiarities ... of their live preferences. It's not that bad - honest! At least they can prepare food that doesn't set fire to one's esophagus ... and what language do you think the term "lingerie" comes from?
Coco: Ha. Hi Coco...Lingerie is good indeed. Thanks for the stopping by and for the comment, but I do have a suggestion for you...
I know who you are through Vinny Bond...you may want to expand your circle of friends. ; ) Cheers Coco!!
What's Inky going to do with the mayo? He doesn't have a peter to slather it upon or is the angle of his dangle just and illusion ha! Maybe he plans on making tuna salad...
So according to you, this has nothing to do with the sinking of a French ship loaded with mayonnaise??? I'm skeptical.
WTF dude...It is so evident that you want to parlez vous humma humma me... no matter what you need to make some comment about me every day
and here I thought this was a witty post and all
2:00am is made for tacos...
Lu: Ha. Tuna Salad...Myself and Inky are Soooooo into THAT. Cheers Lu!!
David: Another history lesson for ya. There was one French guy in this army who was impotent until he jacked off and produced a creamy white discharge. It was forever known as, Miracle Whip. So yeah, a mayonnaise type condiment IS involved. Cheers!!
Bond: Puhleeeeze...Your perception of my loving you, is actually my loathing of you. Man it up and accept that fact Vinny. Cheers!!
After reading your post, this is what came, unbidden, to my mind:
You know you wear your skin like iron and your breath's as hard as kerosine...
Funny I thought Cinco de Mayo was invented by the importers of Corona and Dos Equis to sell more beer!
I miss Inky and Lola!
Now get away from my tequila, damn it!
Desert Rat: Ha. I like that...alot. I may put that in my sidebar for all eternity. Cheers Rat!!
Chick: Well there's that too. But I so hat eto mention the commercialism of the festive event. Cheers!!
Dana: I do too, but I keep drawing a blank when it comes to them anymore. Bottom's Up and Cheers!!
Pass me 5 shots!
Cheesy: Comin' right at ya you diablo, you. Cheers!!
Holy Shit...I am totally gonna get my drink on tonight. It's mandated!
Starr: Well party up my sexy friend. I'm doing so as I type. Cheers!!
a couple of geographical points...
east of the rockies it is Hellmans
west of the rockies it is Best Foods
and I seriously question if you can get real mexican food ANYwhere in Ohio.
like desert rat...I love me some Willie Nelson...then again he does have the same birthday as the Teamster.....
Kat: Au Contraire. There are a couple of excellent Mexican places right here in Bagwine. We have a relatively large Mexican population for being in the middle of nowhere. Cheers!!
Mexicans?
or Mexican-Americans?
I'll lay down cash hard I have some of the best Mexican food outside of Cali or Texas. They don't call it Hillsburrito for nuthin!
Kat: Mexicans...There's a huge Dole vegetable processing plant here and several nurseries that employ many Mexicans on an ongoing basis. Cheers!!
Starr: Ha. I love that name. Cheers!!
mateo...with all due respect….I have tagged you. I don‘t tag very often…it really is a compliment…
Pointless anti-french post. And to the guy who said Mexican women are hotter, you need to get your eyes checked.
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