Of course, due to the swine flu, the celebrations may be subdued.
Should I dial things back as well because this epidemic of the H1N1 virus originated in Meh-hee-co?
Screw that, I am going to spend tomorrow celebrating all things Mexican.
I ain’t afraid of no stinking pig flu, Bitches. I am going to whoop it up and rejoice in the marvelous victory of the Mexicans over those dirt bag French in 1862.
I asked Schmoop if she could pick up some authentic Mexican food at the grocery for the fiesta, and damn if she didn’t deliver…
Damn right…Those are Skyline Cheese and Bean Burritos manufactured lovingly hand made many miles south of Bagwine in Ciudad el Cincinnati.
A few of those, some hot sauce, and a fifth of Tequila, and I’ll be experiencing Montezuma’s revenge in no time.
Of course for me, this isn’t just another sad excuse to party it up. It is more a chance to experience the beauty of other cultures.
And as soon as Schmoop leaves for work, I plan on experiencing that beauty with Consuela.
She’s the non-English speaking Mexican neighbor who moved in next to us.
Is she hot or what? She’s not just a Mexican. She’s a SEXICAN!! Ole’ Baby!! And while it’s true she speaks no English…I know I can communicate to her through the language of amor and a case of Dos Equis will help as well.
A few drinks, my American charm, and before you can say, “Viva Zapata”, Consuela and I will be engaged in a nude reenactment of the Battle of the Alamo.
Si Si, mi amigos, I am not allowing the threat of Swine Flu to rain on my Mexican Day Parade.
In fact, I laugh in the face of the Mexican Swine Flu.
I have even bought a special piñata for tomorrow’s Cinco de Mayo celebration…
I can’t wait to see a sweaty, naked Consuela taking swings at my pretty, candy-filled pork. Bust it open and say gracias, Consuela, it’s not just the Fifth of May…
It’s Cinco de Matt-O.
Salud!!
It’s Cinco de Matt-O.
Salud!!
28 comments:
Skyline Chili Burritos? I don't think I could get drunk enough to eat something as disgusting as Skyline Chili.
Hell, even Consuela couldn't talk me into eating Skyline Chili.
Okay, I lied about that part, but it is still really disgusting stuff. ;-)
Um, is it rude of me to point out that Consuela looks like a dude?
Speaking of pork... might wanna make sure she isn't sporting any duct tape to her nether regions.
I'm just sayin...
Iffen you're craving Mexican meat, you could take a swing around these parts. I'm sure you could find some.
You have Consuela to play hit-my-pork with on 5 de Mayo. I wonder who Schmoop will be playing with at work? ;-)
Salud y pesetas, Matty!
Jay: No likey Skyline? It's as American as apple pie and the Cincinnati Reds having a losing season. Cheers Jay!!
Candice: Duct Tape on her nether regions? She's Mexican, not Brazilian. Cheers!!
Songbird: Thanks for the tip Songbird, but trust me, there's plenty of that here in Bagwine. Cheers!!
Lizza: No worries about that Lizza...She works with people who should be employed at a sheltered workshop and living in a group home for the brain challenged. Cheers right back at ya Lizza!!
...all you're lacking is a good chihuahua!...
No no no my friend. I meant duct tape to hold his PENIS back.
Phfrankie: Yes I am, and I hear they are quite tasty. Cheers P-Man!!
Candice: I knew what you meant, but I took it in another direction because I simply will not, repeat, WILL NOT stand for your libelous dissing of Senorita C!! Cheers Candice!!
you're such a cultural icon
Candice: And furthermore, she DOES NOT have a burrito where her taco should be. So there. Cheers!!
Dianne: Ha. Cultural Icon, addle-minded asshole...same thing. Cheers Di!!
Party pooper. ;)
Candice: While I am of Irish descent, I am not into experiencing my own, personal Crying Game. Cheers!!
By the end of your festivities, will your new friend's name be Cuntswaylo?
Jeff: With any luck it will. And if it gets really good, we'll tie the knot and honeymoon in Matt-a-Moros, Meh-Hee-Co. Cheers Funny Man!!
From the beginning, I knew your forte was International relations...According to my checklist there are only 4 countries left for you to insult...
Pago Pago and Mauritania...
Judging from this post, I take it that Schmoop will have an entirely different pinata to smack around...
That pinata looks pretty enough for the Deliverance sequel: Squeal Pretty in Pink :)
Bond: Ha. I'll get to work on those folks right away. Cheers Vinny!!
VE: Are you saying she will be busting open a lifelike, Matt-Head-Pinata? Cheers VE!!
Lu: Ned Beatty was so hot in that scene. Cheers Lu!!
Omigosh! Is it MAY?
Desert Rat: Ha. I know what you mean; I said the same thing Saturday. Cheers Rat!!
Viva Gordita!
The least you could do is visit Taco Bell!
Dana: I may...I loooooove Taco Bell. Cheers!!
I am in the land of Cinco De Mayo on the border and all the festivities are cancelled & schools are closed. It will be a much less festive day this year thanks to the swine. Taco Hell is a sorry substitute for the authentic deal..give me homemade tortillas and bistec al carbon ala mexicana & an authentic muchalada anyday..
Happy Cinco de Matty!
Snugs: I figured things would be down to crawl down your way. I'll explain all about what Cinco de Mayo to all of us shortly. Ha. Cheers Snugs!!
Thank you for not showing that Party Pig picture again =)
Starr: Ha. I never will. Cheers!!
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