Ok, so here we go again. Thursday’s with the Schmoop. Whoo!!!What exciting Dispatch from My Ass do I have for you today boys and girls?? I don’t know, but I was told it better be funny.
Ha! Good enough? Sigh…
Let’s see.
My day consists of going to a crusty, smelly, (Oh God the smell!), creepy, should be condemned, and or burned down hole in the wall I like to call work.
There I am surrounded by crusty, smelly (Oh God, again with the smell!), creepy, should be condemned people! How exciting!! I live the high life, I tells ya!
Well hell, that’s not funny. It’s just pathetic. The stupid around me grows! Like the mold, and asbestos surrounding me. Wait…I feel a poem coming on…
Nope, sorry, brain cells dying!!!! Help me!!
Anyhoo, I’ve been at this “job” for almost eight years now, and for the last six months, have been down to 24, count em, 24 hours a week.
I must say, I do enjoy having my Friday’s on Wednesday, and I am looking for a job where I am NOT exposed to toxic waste… building, and people wise.
I’m a damn fine catch if I do say so myself, and somebody fine will come along, make me forget about lovin’ you, and the Southern Cross….
Sorry, I digress.
I guess you might call this post a stream of consciousness, but hey, I’m not conscious!!!
Oh, and by the way…this ain’t funny! Ha! I crack myself up!
So how many people out there got into trouble in school? Me, I started in the first grade…spent most of that grade in the hall.
So how many people out there got into trouble in school? Me, I started in the first grade…spent most of that grade in the hall.
My teacher finally moved my desk out there.
Then I spent two weeks in the principal’s office in sixth grade for crimes I shall not mention…well, okay, I will.
Four of us sixth graders were alone at school for a week, while all thecoddled, spoiled, rich other sixth graders went to Camp?
Then I spent two weeks in the principal’s office in sixth grade for crimes I shall not mention…well, okay, I will.
Four of us sixth graders were alone at school for a week, while all the
We were totally unsupervised by any of the other teachers who had class I might add.
So, I went skateboarding down the hall for God’s sake.
So, I went skateboarding down the hall for God’s sake.
Where were these “adults” while I was hangin’ ten, as I turned Horace Mann Elementary School into the Bonsai Pipeline!?
I plead innocent by reason of no fucking supervision.
And then…myself and two of the other three abandoned sixth graders (all boys) decided to find out what lay beneath the trap door in the Audio/Visual room.
We entered it and spent an entire hour underneath the school. That’s right, it led to the middle of a great big empty under the school.
Anyhoo, the third boy who didn’t go with us, turned us in to the evil, blowhard, my shit doesn’t stink, Principal Meeks.
I guess the little shit, thought the other two boys were getting something that he wasn’t, so he squealed.
Little did the dumb ass know that no one would be getting any from me for several years to come.
I spent the rest of the week in Meeks’ office while the other kids were at camp.
(By the way Drive-By Mikey, I know YOU got to go to camp that year.) I have zoves!!! Not really.
So that’s about all I’ve got.
After sixth grade, I moved on with my life (all my teachers from that time, and the evil Principal Meeks are dead, no evidence), and became the model citizen you all know and love.
Keep something in mind with this post….I’m NOT CONSCIOUS!!! And there are more than a few people ‘round here that prefer me that way.
Zoves,
Schmoop
Matt-Man says...Tune into tomorrow as Schmoop's brother, David, makes his Bagwine debut!!
I plead innocent by reason of no fucking supervision.
And then…myself and two of the other three abandoned sixth graders (all boys) decided to find out what lay beneath the trap door in the Audio/Visual room.
We entered it and spent an entire hour underneath the school. That’s right, it led to the middle of a great big empty under the school.
Anyhoo, the third boy who didn’t go with us, turned us in to the evil, blowhard, my shit doesn’t stink, Principal Meeks.
I guess the little shit, thought the other two boys were getting something that he wasn’t, so he squealed.Little did the dumb ass know that no one would be getting any from me for several years to come.
I spent the rest of the week in Meeks’ office while the other kids were at camp.
(By the way Drive-By Mikey, I know YOU got to go to camp that year.) I have zoves!!! Not really.
So that’s about all I’ve got.
After sixth grade, I moved on with my life (all my teachers from that time, and the evil Principal Meeks are dead, no evidence), and became the model citizen you all know and love.
Keep something in mind with this post….I’m NOT CONSCIOUS!!! And there are more than a few people ‘round here that prefer me that way.
Zoves,
Schmoop
Matt-Man says...Tune into tomorrow as Schmoop's brother, David, makes his Bagwine debut!!
20 comments:
Are you kiddin' me? That building in which you work is a testament to state of the art manufacturing...well, state of the art during the McKinley Administration, anyway.
Just think if the three of you got trapped under the building, died, and were never found. Now THAT would be one Hi-Larious post. Cheers, Schmoop!!
Matt: Are you dissing my building that is smack dab in the middle of meth town? God it's a hole, isn't it? Good thing I didn't die huh? Because if I did, you wouldn't be as wildly popular as you are!!
At St Mary's we got ratted out by the class president (pussy) for going downtown after school and stealing a bunch of road flares. 2 months of staying after from one half hour to two and a half hours. The times would rotate a half hour each day. The five of us were not allowed to leave the school together. One of the guys brought in his fathers 45 and we backed the pussy into a corner and stuck it in his belly. Never a problem from him again.
Then in high school, I set the fire escape door on fire, so we would have to go out and we could smoke a cig. I tore a desk out of the floor and threw it out a
3rd floor window onto the roof of the gym.
I could go on....but I won't.
Mick: Dear Lord Man!! I can't top that!! You're a Rock Star!! I'm not worthy.
Of course you are.... you have hearts all over your ass.!
Mick: Ha! Well next week, there should be a new ass picture! Stay tuned.
innocent because of no fucking supervision! - I love that, brillant my sweet, twisted friend
we would have had so much fun in school together
Diane: Me, twisted?? Yes we could've had much fun. Especially getting the lower classmen to watch the bathroom door while we smoked! I didn't say that, did I?
I was an angel who never got into any kind of trouble whatsoever until 9th grade. That's when I finally got detention for mouthing off at my Spanish teacher. I got detention for a whole week!
Funny thing is, the day I showed up at detention was the day I stopped getting my ass kicked by the thugs. If I had known that was all it took I would have gotten detention back in 7th grade and saved my ribs all kinds of pain. ;-)
All my teachers loved me. Didn't know what to do with me but loved me. Except Mrs. Jaynes my High School typing teacher. She hated me cause I would not date the spooky-eyed mouth breathing future freezer with body parts owning monster known as her son.
Eww. That was a flashback I didn't need. Gonna vom.........
Jay: I just knew you were an angel! My Viking!! I had a bully once. One stupid boy who thought it was fun to pick on a girl...oh well, sorry about our knock down, drag out fight at MY traffic corner. Fucker.
Starr: My teachers loved me too. All of them, thru school. I spent first grade in the hall all because of Mrs. Allison's grandson, who was also in my class at the time. What an ass. Fucker.
There's always one slightly sweaty freakazoid who ruins it for everyone, right Schmoop?
Starr: You are correct My Dark Lord!
You know...if they would just pay you for 40 hours I'm sure you'd be quite happy with 24 hours of actual work...
VE: You are correct sir! Actually, I need 40 hours of pay for babysitting. That is my job title. Chief cook, and bottle washer!
There is nothing like the aroma mold flavored with asbestos. Yum Yum.
and OMG...you went to elementary school close to me here in DC. I had no idea.
http://www.horacemanndc.org/
I had teachers who loved me and teachers that hated me. And then there was my 5th grade teacher who my dad took before the school board. And then she REALLY hated me.
I got straight A's in the subjects and U's in citizenship. I wanted to play and talk when my work was done.
You gotta find yourself a new gig.
"Well hell, that’s not funny. It’s just pathetic. The stupid around me grows! Like the mold, and asbestos surrounding me. Wait…I feel a poem coming on…" This would make a great Haiku. LOL!
Nice job filling space while Matt lazes around.
What lay beneath the trap door in the Audio/Visual room? Now there is an original way to say "Show me yours... I'll show you mine...."
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