Two weeks into the job, and the motherfucker had to go on hiatus. Jeebus Christ, he’s such a Mary.
Anyhoo, I am filling in for Dave and I am pissed.
Yeah, that’s right…
In spite of my vow to be warm and caring all Summer, I am more pissed off than a guy who just chugged three 40 ounce bottles of King Cobra Malt Liquor.
And trust me, I know all too well, the experience of pissin’ all over my pants from drinking too much Snake in a Bottle.
Anyhoo…I announced my Matt-Man Summer of Love the other day, and let me tell you…
You guys blow!! You don’t want me to be nice and cuddly. What the fuck is wrong with you bastards?
Oh no, we want Matt-Man to be abrasive and irritating. How dare him want to love his fellow man and woman, you ask?
Yeah, whatever…Blow Me. Well, dig this, Bitches…
I am still gonna have the Summer of Love, but it’s going to be about nothing but sex. I am going to get laid and have free love all Summer.
But what about Schmoop, you ask? I will be courteous about it.
Just as John Edwards only started his affair when his wife, Elizabeth, was in remission from cancer…
I will only have sex with others when Schmoop is either pre-menstrual or actually ragging.
That should give me
Okay with that announcement out of the way, I have a political diatribe to make.
There is a big furor (I love that word) going on over possibly bringing enemy MUSLIM combatants from Gitmo to prisons here in the States.
Big Fucking Deal…
Have you ever worked, been associated with, or done time in prison? I have.Worked there, not done time in one, ya see...
I represented prison workers (doctors, nurses, psych assts., social workers, etc) for 5 years, when I worked for SEIU. I have been in every adult and youth correctional facility in Ohio.
Trust me…Closing Gitmo and shipping these fuckers here is no big deal. In fact, if you care about the terrorists, you would cry because they would probably be safer at Gitmo.
Most reps and Senators are crying crocodile tears saying, “My folks do not want terrorists in their backyard!! They don’t want them on American soil.”
Ha. Fuck that. Nice sound bite Senator…But you know not what you talk about. Those terrorists, if let loose into a general prison population would be killed quicker than a guy with a child molester tag on his rap.
So there you have it. I am having sex all summer, and terrorists should be in America prisons.
Is that a good enough nugget of knowledge to do away with my cuddly, “all love” attitude? If it’s not? Blow Me!!
Happy Memorial Day Weekend.
Cheers!!
30 comments:
I really can't believe all the people who actually fall for the bullshit about detainees being moved to US facilities. There are already lots of Al-Qaeda and other terrorists being held at federal prisons. We're more than capable of holding these people too.
Good luck with the whole having sex with lots of different chicks thing. Let us know how that works out. ;-)
Oh thank God; you're back! I can quit saying the rosary now.
*putting down rosary beads*
NOW, we KNOW you have a soft, lovable, sensitive side Matty. We all KNOW that. We APPRECIATE your caustic, biting, INTELLIGENT self because you wear it well. And THAT'S why we come here. Soft and lovable we can get anywhere. Intelligent satirical cynicism? Not so much.
Are you happy now?
Prick.
Thank You for removing you Mangina. It was a bit spooky around here with all that airy fairy lovey dovey bullshit.
To the we don't want to have terrorist in our backyard...hope they don't live in Michigan or Wyoming :P
Well, I want to see you warm and cuddly, M-Man! It'll be like watching the next Mission Impossible film.
Sure ... I support your summer of love ... I stick up for you when everyone else is puking their guts out ... I even tell Schmoop I'll bake her peanut butter coookies! And what do I get? SCREWED! Pffttt!
All I know is you'll have to be the one to tell Schmoop there won't be any cookies in the mail!
Jay: Just another bandwagon of visceral propoganda for legislators to jump upon. What a joke it is indeed. Cheers!!
Songbird: Yeah...That's better. Ahhhhhh, much better. Thanks. Cheers!!
Starr: Most of them live on Wall Street and in D.C. Cheers!!
Nick: Ha. Very Good. Cheers Nick!!
Dana: Ha. I think she's set as far as that goes. She bought two kinds at the grocery yesterday. Cheers!!
Mmm I like a little venom with my morning coffee. Cheers cupcake :)
Well sugar sometimes love don't feel like it should;-)
You are back!
Hugs and kisses sweetie...
Now I can stop having dreams of big purple dinosaurs...
You hit the nail on the head about the US prisons...Put these guys in with real psychos and let them become ali-love-babas....
Lu: Ha. You called me cupcake. I dig that. Cheers Lu!!
TB: Neither does sex but that's more or less because of my morning drip. Cheers Sexy!!
Bond: Exactly. Let the thugs do REAL time in a REAL prison. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go and put my sweater and sneakers back in mothballs. Cheers Vin!!
I swear Cheney is planning an attack on this country.
He "wants" it.
After sucking the will out of George these last years, he just can't let go of the power. So if he mouths off, as he is, keep a few minions shivering in fear and an attack comes, he keeps some of that power just with all the I told you so's.
Of all I've read about that man, I have "hate" dwelling in me and that is a rare thing indeed.
Are you kidding? I think he's warm, cute and cuddly. Okay, I mean if you can get past the fact that he is a major league asshole and fear monger...and master of the obvious...and one who shoots people in the face...and runs and hides into an undisclosed location...and...Cheers!!
Cheney planning an attack on this country - I love Micky, and sad to say - he's right - the evil fuck (dick not mick) has been attacking this country for 8 years
I'm so sick of elected officials prefacing all their stupid statements with "the American people think ..."
first of all too many American people don't think - that's how you got elected
for those of us who do think - shut the fuck up, you don't speak for us
I love ya anyway you are Matty
Dianne: And I love you too, Dianne. And I dream about you. And I ...Maybe I should stop now. Unless you'd rather I didn't.
But you're right, Cheney is a puke. Cheers Sexy!!
Damn Matt Man, we do have common ground. I was not aware that you worked for SEIU, now I understand why you always object to my post when I comment on Unions. That also explains you support for a known criminal operation ACORN, SEIU is one of their major sources of funding.
Back to the common ground, I could not agree more that GITMO is an embarrassment to our country, mostly because of the last two years it was demonized by the politicians on the left during their campaign. I think it has to be closed also but the fact is it was the perfect place to keep the inmates we have there for a lot of reasons. I know we have facilities that can keep them locked up. The majority of the American people do not want them in our country, damn this democracy stuff, the majority, including almost all of our congressman will just be ignored by the President and he will move funds form some other project and do as he pleases. Kind of like a dictator, right.
Will they blend with other prisoners and recruit more idiots like the ex-prisoners that planned their attacks after converting to Radical Islam while in prison. Just a thought but you and I both know that prisons are great place to indoctrinate simple minded prisoners that will be back on our streets someday. That is why I think moving them is a bad idea.
Uncle Charlie: First of all, Chip and Ernie need the ointment for the rash that they picked up while collecting lady bugs. So get on that, would you?
As for ACORN, I am well aware of the ties between them and SEIU. But your comment on that is erroneous and unfounded because I don't think, in fact I am positive, that I have never commented on ACORN in either a positive or negative way. But I know how you like to assume.
As far as you calling President Obama a dictator, is a joke. It's also kinda childish and unbecoming of someone who claims that he served in order to defend this country's democracy and peaceful governmental transition every four to eight years.
As for the subjagaton of existing American prisoners to the tyrannical ideology of terrorists that may be placed in prison? Ha. Convicts are some of the smartest people I have ever come across.
There's a pecking order in prison, mister, and terrorists would be at the mercy of that. Not the other way around.
Of course, you know nothing about that but choose to expound on it anyway. Yeah, well.
Cheers!!
Whew! You blew back my hair with that one!
I think putting the terrorists in American prisons would be friggin' brilliant! Those folks may be criminals, but by God, they are AMERICAN criminals! I'm thinkin' they're not going to place nice with the dross from Gitmo.
If we live in a democracy then it would follow that it's not possible for our President to be a dictator, right? Or would just President Obama be a dictator while President Bush operated for the Greater Good? How does all that work, again?
That should be "play nice" not "place nice." Duh!
I think Nixon would have "liked" being a dictator.
Not Reagan, he was a decent guy.
Bush #1, he might have, but I doubt he had the stomach.
Clinton, oh yeah, he could of been a dictator, but he would have kept the majority happy. He would have kept the little people happy, and the big boys would be sucking up for anything he would give them.
Bush #2, no way, not without the strings being pulled by Dick (as it was).
Dick Cheney on the other hand represents to me a figure of a man like no other, that would love to have unlimited control over his country and the way we treat the rest of the world as a leading power. Of all the people in politics today, Dick stands out to me as a man who would do the unthinkable, have a planned chess game like attack on this country. Anyone who plays chess knows what I mean. One thought out move over there(somewhere, I can't begin to quess where), can set in motion an action that plays out in a certain series of events.
I think he has already made his move. Why else doesn't he just disapear, relax and try to stay healthy for the rest of his life.
I'm with Mickey. Dubya is a doofus but I don't think he is an evil doofus.
Cheney is a maggot in human form.
On a happy note, I am going out for cocktails!
Charlie: Uh-huh.
Desert Rat: I'm thinking that you are correct. Here's to the American Criminal. May his shiv long be brandished. Cheers Rat!!
Mick: The Dickster is a dark, dark individual. He would make the penultimate Dick-Tator. Cheers Mick!!
Starr: Don't insult the maggot population. Enjoy your cocktails. I am having a few as I type this. Cheers Lovely One!!
I had 3 Cosmos and some Thai food. It was delicious!
WOW - I came over to see the freak show.... but you're back to normal. Ah well!
Starr: Yay!! Did you have Bangkokkers and Mash? Cheers!!
Top: Ha. The people spoke and wanted me to return to my rude self. So Sad. Cheers!!
Cupcake? I see you more as a MoonPie~
Alas no, I had calamari and crispy veggie spring rolls. Which were hella good I might add. Nothing like cocktails and convos about fisting to make your Friday night ;)
there is a small town in Montana with a brand new never been used prison with all the required security.
they want them
send them there
Bush wanted to close Gitmo too.
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