Anyhoo, my life going down the tubes or not, I couldn't NOT post, and I came across the following post, which when I initially posted it, no one found it funny.
I think it's one of those, "its so stupid, it's funny" posts...I laugh everytime I read it. Enjoy, and I'll be in touch at some point...
As one who likes to help out those less fortunate than me (although finding those less fortunate than me is getting harder to do), I am offering up my blog today to a few clients from our town’s newly opened Mental Health facility, Krazy Kare.
As part of its Grand Opening, Krazy Kare is holding a dance/fundraiser where community members can donate and spend the evening literally tripping the light fantastic with a patient.
The owner, Dr. James Jones has asked me to post pictures and brief statements of those patients who have yet to be chosen as a date for the night.
I was more than happy to help enable the patients to experience a therapeutic night of dancing and escape, albeit for only a couple of hours, from their normally fucked up lives.
So, if you have a heart and want to help, consider donating and dancing with one of the following people of need…
HI…I WANNA DANCE. PLEASE!!? I ATE A LEPER ONCE AND MY INSIDES FELL OUT. IF WE DANCE, DON’T STEP ON MY FOOT, ‘CAUSE THAT’S WHERE I KEEP MY PANCREAS. IF THE MUSIC STOPS, WE CAN KEEP ON DANCING BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT SHOVED AN IPOD IN MY HEAD RIGHT AFTER I SURVIVED THE SINKING OF THE LUSITANIA BY FLOATING ATOP A VERY ACCOMMODATING GIANT SEA CUCUMBER.
Hi Fellas (and Ladies ; ). I am ready to tear up the ballroom floor. I need to feel a firm body against mine. I haven’t felt a body against mine since I dug up Richard Nixon’s corpse and spent the night licking his decaying clavicle. We will get along just fine unless you mention Muslims or Jews, in which case I’ll have to poke your right eye out with my Adam’s Apple.
Good day Ladies…My name is Roderick P. Whitworth. I’m an incredibly wealthy mutual fund manager. I have graceful moves and am always a gentleman. I am a graduate of Harvard Business School, and own six houses on three different continents. I like to cook, clean, and write poetry. I humbly hope you have the time for a waltz or two with me. Thank you.
Gauphin boo banger ringo. E=MC2...I=MC Hammer….Can’t Touch This!! Yes, please do touch this, no wait…Gronnnnnnnk, birdie doo birdie doooo. Castor Oil is nothing more than a cognizant pigeon. All Clear, All Clear…Pineapples make great policemen. Gotta go, my lighthouse is crying.
Ladies, Roderick P. Whitworth here again. My dead mother smashed a chair over my head and told me to fess up. I am NOT a wealthy mutual fund manager; I am a lawyer…A lawyer from a futuristic society ruled by Zodor the Magnificent………Also, I eat my own feces and frequently masturbate to pictures of Oliver Cromwell. I hope this new information does not dissuade you from cutting the rug with me. Thank You.
These people need your help, please make it happen for them.
Cheers!!
27 comments:
Written in true Matt-Man style.
Stay safe, wherever you are.
I think the batshit braod with the Mr Ed teeth and Catherine Hepburn hair is a riot and he is so articulate :)
Thinking of you Bud'
yeah, the lady with the hat AND the teeth cracked me up.
Read your comment about the cross. Yes, it should be left up and you really need to show more respect for those who paid the ultimate sacrifice so you can live in freedom. Without freedom of speech, you couldn't post this on a blog.
Songbird: What is my style? Is it just me? Cheers!!
Lu: I think that chick is hot. Thanks and Cheers Lu!!
Vodka: That's my mom. Cheers VM!!
Mary: If posting what was on my mind was illegal I would do it anyway. I respect anyone who defends freedom in any manner that they choose. I just don't put the efforts of a certain group over those of another. Cheers!!
I'm sure a lot of people would steer clear of that chick with the awesome, er, silly hat on. But, IDK, crazy chicks are freaking wild in bed. I'm just sayin'. ;-)
Jay: I had sex in college with a chick who looked like her. She was freaky in bed alright. Her nasty sex talk consisted of her talking about the Battle of Thermopylae. Being a history buff myself, it turned me on to no end. Cheers!!
Gotta go, my lighthouse is crying.
Bwaaahahahahahahha! Thanks for that and the visual to go with it
M2.
Sooo sorry to hear your relationship (especially since the stability of it directly affects your living conditions) has possibly "hit the bricks".
My sincere hope for you and Schmoop is that after nearly nine years you can BOTH rise above it and remember the roots of your love.
Oh yeah... just for GPs,
Gesundheit!
Hmmm... it is tough to pick although I'm leaning towards Roderick. If he spanks his monkey while looking at pictures of Oliver Cromwell, I'm probably pretty safe from any sort of "unwelcome overture."
You're in my thoughts, Matthew. For some reason, the Beatles leapt to mind...
"Life is very short, and there's no ti-i-i-i-ime for fussing and fighting like this..."
Dice: Things will be what they will be, and thank you.
And, I must say...If I had a prize to give away, it would go to you because you identified THE line that was so stupid it cracks both myself and Schmoop up. I have no idea why it does. Cheers Dice!!
Desert Rat: Awwwwwww. You called me Matthew. Only a few people close to me call me that. Thanks.
The song is nice but if things work out and we make up, I hope to be singing, Ticket to Ride. Cheers Rat!!
How about, "... but the house is haunted and the ride gets rough, you've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above..."
Rat: I like that, but you know what? I have over time, come to think that there isnt anything that I can't rise above. I guess that's why I am frequently pissed off. ; ) Cheers Adorable One!!
I'd never dance with a lawyer, from the future or not. They are asshats.
Get well soon. Both from your cold and your life. I worry. I can't help it. I'm a mom. Sorry.
Michele: I appreciate that...My head is plugged. And so is my prostate...I need some relief. Cheers Michele!!
Ticket to ride.....hmmmmm!
I hear Nashville might be a happening place on a friday night just before a saturday night in Memphis come the beginning of septenber.
hmmmmm........
this all just feels really REALLY wrong, Forgiveness is as much for the one that was wronged as the one that did the wrong and it can be a very healing thangie for both parties. Me thinks the holy baby jeebus needs to do a bagwine sort of intervention....and if that does not work I think another fast is in order..ya just re did the bagwine digs, you two are meant for each other, you dont wanna kick her brother off your blog even though he sucks, come on Mattie..be the big guy that you are and just forgive...BUT if I am completely out of line and off base I am sorry and maybe Dana is gonna have a spare room soon for you to bunk in.
I want E=MC2's teeth for next Halloween! Sending healing hippy chick vibes......
Micky: Message received and responded to. Over. Cheers Mick!!
Snugs: Her brother sucks? I find him to be incredibly funny in a rude and offensive way. He might not be your cup of tea but as for him sucking? I don't fuckin' think so. Cheers!!
Cheesy: I need healing vibes more for my body than my heart right now. So change your mantra, please. Cheers my friend!!
Hippy chick vibes heal the whole state of being!
Cheesy: Why don't you bring your "whole hippy state" here and vibe me back to health first hand. Cheers Cheesy!!
I cooked today so maybe you better widen the doorways first?
Cheesy: Ha. I hope you took pictures of your feast. Cheers Cheesy!!
You were on cold meds when you wrote this, right?
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