Thursday, July 23, 2009

Bagwine Racial Equality Week: Non-Caucasian Muffins I'd Love To Butter

Okay Kiddies…The past couple of days I have discussed my equal opportunity hate for a handful of black people and white people.

Today and tomorrow it’s all about my equal opportunity love for the ladies. Today on Bagwine Racial Equality Week (BREW), I give you…

Non-Caucasian Muffins That I’d Love To Butter!!

And folks…I am not going to rehash my ancient, ongoing drooling love for Tyra Banks. I am going to spotlight some lesser known ladies.



Alison Stewart (top) and Tamron Hall (bottom, mmmmm, bottom): Why do I put these two lovely ladies together? Well first and foremost, it would be far more fun to have sex with two lovely Nubian knockouts than one, and secondly…they both work for MSNBC.

Oh how I long for them to be naked together at the news desk with me in studio as their lead story. Between the playful cuteness of Alison and the smoldering hotness of Tamron, I’d be spewing love juice quicker and longer than the news ticker at the bottom of the screen.

Call me Matt-Bisco ‘cause I’m going to be the cream filling in the Oreo of love with those two.


Heidi Zadeh: Many of you may not know Mizz Zadeh. She is an Iranian born model who lives in Denmark. Being Iranian, she could be either Arab or Persian…Muslim or Zoroastrian…Crazy or Sane!!

Plus, now she’s a Dane. A Scandinavian!! She could be a Lutheran. Sweet Baby Jeebus!! Spreading her legs apart would result in opening a Pandora’s Box of ethnicities, creeds, and desires.

Oh how I’d love to meet Heidi in wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen, swim in her body and explore every fjord of her flesh.



Jeanette Littledove: Mmmmmm. Jeanette…The prototypical porn star, now retired. She claimed to be a full-blooded Cherokee Indian. Whether that is true or not, I don’t care. Either way, she has a set of heap big wampums, and I dream of running my pole beans up her wigwam.

Spending a naked night with her would result in me crying a trail of tears…of ecstasy. How, Baby, How.



Betty Nguyen: This vixen of Vietnamese descent rocks my world every Saturday morning on CNN. She sits at the anchor desk and one knee is always showing. She lights my temperature up with Yellow Fever.

America is a better place with you here…And America would be even better if you were naked…with me. Habba Habba, Me Love You Long Time Betty.



Shirley Hemphill: Hey, Hey, Hey…I grew up yanking my wank to this bodacious babe of “What’s Happening” fame. What’s not to like?

I know she’s gone over the rainbow, but man…how I’d love to bounce atop this buoyant black beauty of bootyliciousness. Boo Yah, Bitches!! Best thing about Shirl?

When she was done humpin’ my stump…she could bring me a po’ boy sammich with a side of slaw. Want your tip Shirley? Matt-Man gots it right c’here.

So there you have it folks…some lesser know women of color that I’d like to cover with my white body.

Tomorrow? White Blogging Babes That I’d Love To Bang.

Yeah right…If I listed those of you who I’d like to have sex with, the result would be…

I’d be slapped by some; cursed by others; and mocked by all.

So, I’ll figure something out as to how to wrap up Bagwine Racial Equality Week. Enjoy your Thursday.

Cheers!!

44 comments:

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...so let me get this straight: you'd like to catch nice case of yellow fever whilst eatin' a po' boy sammich with your bean pole up a wigwam, all the while eyeballin' a Lutheran Persian and providing the "creme" to a video oreo cookie. Is that right?.....BRAVO!!!...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Am I the ultimate multi sexual tasker or what!? Holy Moly my good man...when you put it as you did, I may actually be a major league stud. Cheers P-Man!!

Jay said...

Man would I love to be middle filling in an Allison/Tamron Oreo. Damn those girls are beautiful.

As for bloggers I'd like to bang? I have this blog post saved on my hard drive that is to be posted in the event that I, you know, die. In that post I lament that I never got to have sex with ... hehe .. you thought I was going to mention her name didn't you.

Too bad I don't drink like I used to. LOL ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha...Those two are hot. I'm off tomorrow so I get to watch them both. I'm so 12 year old happy.

I think I should list the bloggers I want to get biblical with...clarity is a good thing, although it could be painful as well. Cheers Jay!!

Desert Songbird said...

I know why these women qualify for the Bagwine Book of Babes. I'm sure it's because of their obvious attributes.

Matt-Man said...

Songbird: Hey Now...Betty is smart and has no breastesses. NO breastesses!! That goes against my nature. Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

I LOVED Shirl! She always made me laff! That model is HAWT.. If I liked women I'd do her!

Matt-Man said...

Cheesy: Man, she is hot isn't she? I just came across a picture of her a couple of weeks ago. Yum.

As for Shirl? Yeah, well. Cheers Cheesy!!

Bond said...

Well thankfully you are not going to regale us with your list of MALE bloggers you want to get funkalicious with....and do not deny that THAT list also exists.

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Of course that list exists. But by getting funkalicious with certain male bloggers means that I want to pour fungus, mold spores, and my own urine on them. Hows it feel to be Number One? Cheers Vinny!!

katherine. said...

after that last comment I think I'm going to be sick. Eating breakfast here..

Lu' said...

I've got no cum back?

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Well that proves that Waking Up With Matt is every bit as nauseating as Waking Up With Al. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Lu: For some reason that made me chuckle. Cheers Lu!!

katherine. said...

Since you are being all fair and equal and all...I was hoping darling Schmoop was going to treat us to a comparable "non-caucasian stud-muffin" guest post....

katherine. said...

Denzel Washington

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Well I guess life isn't fair as far as that goes. But if she made a list, it would include Denzel Washington and Bagwine homeboy, John Legend. Cheers Kat!!

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Ha...There you go with your ESPN again. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

Yun-Fat Chow

katherine. said...

Johnny Depp

katherine. said...

Tiger Woods for my daughter

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Not familiar with Yun but as much as I like Depp as does Schmoop, there is room for only one Cherokee in this post and that's Mizz Littledove. Let her hotness shine. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Kat: I wouldn't have sex with Tiger, but I'd looove to nine iron his wife. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

Edward James Olmos

Matt-Man said...

Kat: I partied with EJO in Puerto Rico one time. So there. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

REALLY??

How very cool. How long ago?
He should be reading your weblog
sigh

Matt-Man said...

Kat: It was during a protest on the Island of Vieques. RFK, Jr. was there as well. We partied...in a sense. Cheers!!

VE said...

What? No Native Americans? Where's your patriotism?

katherine. said...

sigh.

when the UFW was all over my ass we got RFK Jr and Peter, Paul, and Mary....and the all time idiot Martin Sheen...who chained himself to my fence. I had him arrested.

I would have negotiated with EJO.

personally.

katherine. said...

pssst....VE....

cherokee is a native american tribe



we just don't get any respect.

Matt-Man said...

VE: Hellloooooo. Jeanette Littledove? Are you on drugs VE? Cheers!!

Kat: Hey Now...I've seen PP and M, and Sheen grew up just minutes from Bagwine. Don't be dissin' them. I should tell my EJO story, it involves an arrest and jail time. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Thanks for the VE echo. Wow. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

I'd love to read about your time in the slammer....smile.

gotta get going...I'll be back.

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Have a lovely day my dear. Cheers!!

Dice Mardell said...

When she was done humpin’ my stump…she could bring me a po’ boy sammich with a side of slaw.

bwahahahhaaaaaaaaa thanks for that.

Bond said...

I was going to respond to your comment, but I do not want to interrupt your private chat with Katherine

Matt-Man said...

Dice: Once again you garner the prize for being most like me. I love that line. Are we related? Cheers!!

Bond: Man, for someone who is getting married, your jealousy is worrying me. Cheers!!

Desert Songbird said...

Actually, I didn't want to interrupt your Kat Chat either.

Anyway, even though Vietnamese women (especially the French mixed kind) are beautiful, they are not known for their "attributes." How refreshing that you can see past the blinders.

Matt-Man said...

Songbird: I love it when a chick grasps her Dien Bien Phu roots. Cheers!!

Dana said...

Did you want me to post my "White Blogging Babes That I’d Love To Bang" list? It's probably a longer list than yours!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: I'm sure it is, because seriously, my list is not that long. Cheers!!

Augusto said...

Of course, your list is your list but as for me - Halle Barry gotta be at the top of the bun-buttering list for me.

Cheers

Matt-Man said...

Augusto: Halle is kinda hot but man, she's a bit of a nutjob. Cheers!!

Augusto said...

A bit crazy is spicy. Maybe too tedious for long-term but fun for a romp. Live dangerously man. :-)