I am so excited.
Muammar Qaddafi the lovable, Libyan dictator and man with more spellings of his name than Mao Tse Tung, will soon be bringing his new found international love to the United States when he comes to address the United Nations General Assembly.
This will be the first time ever that Gaddafi has set his sandy, Carthaginian feet upon U.S. soil. For me, this is my moment of frenzy that those in the 60’s experienced when The Beatles came to America.
Unfortunately, it seems that the residents of Englewood, N.J. do not share my frenetic fascination with the leader of Libya.
Mayor Michael Wildes, Congressman Steve Rothman, and Sen. Frank Lautenberg do not want Gadhafi to hang out in Englewood, N.J. And why would he?
Well my friends, the Libyan government owns an estate in Englewood located on Palisades Avenue and has owned it for over 25 years. There’s talk that Muammar wants to pitch a tent there and do some entertaining while he’s in the states.
What’s the big deal? What else is going on in New Jersey? What, Atlantic City gambling? Pfffft…I could get the same Atlantic City experience right here in Bagwine, Ohio today.
I could walk down to the Valero gas station, buy a Mega Millions Lottery ticket, drink the backwash from a 40 ounce bottle of King Cobra that someone threw out, and then piss down my pants on the way home.
Come on Englewood, N.J., let Khadafi liven the place up. Let him pitch his tent, play some music, and serve couscous and bazeen to his guests. To not allow him to party on his own property is incredibly un-American.
Sure, I know, there’s the whole release of Pan-Am Flight 103 bomber, Abdel Baset al-Megrahi thing going on, but who’s fault is that?
It isn’t the fault of Qaddafi. The Scots are the ones who set him free, stick it those haggis eating tightwads.
You can give the Scots and their release of al-Megrahi the collective finger by not allowing The Bay City Rollers to perform in New Jersey should they ever do a reunion tour. Hell, the other 49 states would gladly join you.
But, my Garden State friends, lay off Muammar, and let him enjoy his property. I for one would love to attend one of his tent parties.
He’s a snappy dresser. He knows how to party, and most importantly…
He surrounds himself with a security detail comprised of 30 hot, virginal, female bodyguards. Allah Akbar, Bitches!!
I would love to hang out for the evening and try to convert each and every one of his Quran reading hotties to the religion of Mattholicism.
Hell, if I’m sexually successful with his bodyguards, I could go on a world tour and start breeding the entire Muslim faith out of existence.
My tour motto would be a take off on the line delivered by King Edward I, aka Longshanks, in the movie Braveheart…
The problem with the Muslim world is that it is full of Muslims…If we can’t drive them out, we’ll breeeed them out.
Damn right. Me putting Longshanks plan into action, is not only a way to produce non-Muslim children, it’s one more big ol’ flip of the middle finger to the Scots.