Qaddafi, Brothers, and Fantasy Football

I have a bit of Hump Day Hodgepodge for you all today. Shall we begin? Great…

If you read Bagwine Ruminations yesterday you are aware that I talked about the residents of Englewood, New Jersey being none too pleased that Muammar Qaddafi may hold a soiree on the Libyan estate located there next month when he comes to address the United Nations.

Karen of, Smiling Through It All, suggested in her comment to me that since she lives near Englewood, she could tell Qaddafi through Mayor Wildes that he is welcome at The House of Bagwine and that he should pay me a visit.

I thought about her comment for a second, and then said to myself:

“Damn right he’s welcome here. I’d dig the chance to meet him and his cadre of sexy, female bodyguards.”

So ladies and gentlemen…I fired off an e-mail to the Libyan Mission office at the UN. What follows is a copy of said e-mail:

Dear Diplomatic Corps of Libya,

I have read that your Leader Muammar Qaddafi will be in the U.S.A. next month to address the U.N. General Assembly.

I have also read that many people in the State of New Jersey are complaining that he may want to entertain guests at the property that the Libyan Government owns in Englewood, N. J.

I am offering you the opportunity to visit my apartment in Ohio. If you want to see how a typical American couple lives, you are more than welcome to stop by our place and stay awhile. I'll even cook for you and your bodyguards. Purrrrrr.

I have even dedicated my daily article to the ghastly non-welcome you are receiving from the residents of New Jersey. Here's the link:

http://bagwine.blogspot.com/2009/08/muammar-qaddafi-muammar-gaddafihowever.html

If you are interested in familiarizing yourselves with "typical" Americans and being welcome at the same time, please let me know, and we'll set something up. It would be an honor and a pleasure.

I hope that you and your folks are enjoying your Ramadan season, and please let me know if we can make this visit happen.

Sincerely,

Matt-Man
Springfield, Ohio
xxx.xxx.xxxx (phone number)
www.bagwine.blogspot.com

I haven’t heard back from them yet, but I hope to soon. Thanks for the idea Karen. I’ll get you an autographed picture of Muammar should he take me up on my invitation.

If you’d like to help me in my quest to bring Qaddafi to my home, you can e-mail the UN Mission of Libya at the following address: libya@un.int

Tell them Matt-Man is a helluva guy and a great host. Thank You.

Next item…I just found out a couple of days ago that over the last few months, that the Chicago Sun-Times has published 11 of my posts on their website. Cool, no?

The most recent one was my Palin Picnic post. Here is the link to it as it appears on the Sun-Times website: CLICK HERE

As a demonstration of how sarcasm and sardonic wit runs in the family let me share something with you. I sent an e-mail to one of my brothers telling him about my posts appearing on the Chicago Sun-Times website.

This particular brother is a journalist by trade and had been an editor and reporter for a major newspaper for years. I thought he’d appreciate knowing this fact. His response in typical family fashion was the following:

This sez something about the state of today’s newspapers: Resorting to Bagwine to pump up circulation. But who knows? It may be the answer to the industry’s ills.

Ha…Our family is so warm, so caring, so god damn funny. His response made my day; thanks bro.

It’s almost football season folks and you know what that means? The Jay-Man has created a Fantasy Football League again this year.

I played for the first time last year and it was fun because Jay makes it easy to play.

Well, our draft is coming up Thursday so I am going to be spending today and tonight after work ranking players so I can try to draft who I want.

Last year my team did pretty well.

They had a good name too. They were called the Bagwine Boners.

This year? Based on a suggestion from my son Ryan, this year’s team has a new, more fearsome moniker. What is it, you ask?

The Jonas Brothers!! Go Team; Fight Team; Winnnnnnnn Team!!

Speaking of Ryno…He is now officially a High School Freshman. He began school yesterday, and of course, before I took him to school I had to have him pose for a picture…

I guess he hasn’t discovered what a blow dryer is yet. Good Luck to Him, and to all of you…

Have a wonderful Hump Day.

Cheers!!

Muammar Qaddafi, Muammar Gaddafi...However the Hell You Spell It, Englewood, N.J. Doesn't Want Him There

I am so excited.

Muammar Qaddafi the lovable, Libyan dictator and man with more spellings of his name than Mao Tse Tung, will soon be bringing his new found international love to the United States when he comes to address the United Nations General Assembly.

This will be the first time ever that Gaddafi has set his sandy, Carthaginian feet upon U.S. soil. For me, this is my moment of frenzy that those in the 60’s experienced when The Beatles came to America.

Unfortunately, it seems that the residents of Englewood, N.J. do not share my frenetic fascination with the leader of Libya.

Mayor Michael Wildes, Congressman Steve Rothman, and Sen. Frank Lautenberg do not want Gadhafi to hang out in Englewood, N.J. And why would he?

Well my friends, the Libyan government owns an estate in Englewood located on Palisades Avenue and has owned it for over 25 years. There’s talk that Muammar wants to pitch a tent there and do some entertaining while he’s in the states.

What’s the big deal? What else is going on in New Jersey? What, Atlantic City gambling? Pfffft…I could get the same Atlantic City experience right here in Bagwine, Ohio today.

I could walk down to the Valero gas station, buy a Mega Millions Lottery ticket, drink the backwash from a 40 ounce bottle of King Cobra that someone threw out, and then piss down my pants on the way home.

Come on Englewood, N.J., let Khadafi liven the place up. Let him pitch his tent, play some music, and serve couscous and bazeen to his guests. To not allow him to party on his own property is incredibly un-American.

Sure, I know, there’s the whole release of Pan-Am Flight 103 bomber, Abdel Baset al-Megrahi thing going on, but who’s fault is that?

It isn’t the fault of Qaddafi. The Scots are the ones who set him free, stick it those haggis eating tightwads.

You can give the Scots and their release of al-Megrahi the collective finger by not allowing The Bay City Rollers to perform in New Jersey should they ever do a reunion tour. Hell, the other 49 states would gladly join you.

But, my Garden State friends, lay off Muammar, and let him enjoy his property. I for one would love to attend one of his tent parties.

He’s a snappy dresser. He knows how to party, and most importantly…

He surrounds himself with a security detail comprised of 30 hot, virginal, female bodyguards. Allah Akbar, Bitches!!

I would love to hang out for the evening and try to convert each and every one of his Quran reading hotties to the religion of Mattholicism.

Hell, if I’m sexually successful with his bodyguards, I could go on a world tour and start breeding the entire Muslim faith out of existence.

My tour motto would be a take off on the line delivered by King Edward I, aka Longshanks, in the movie Braveheart…

The problem with the Muslim world is that it is full of Muslims…If we can’t drive them out, we’ll breeeed them out.

Damn right. Me putting Longshanks plan into action, is not only a way to produce non-Muslim children, it’s one more big ol’ flip of the middle finger to the Scots.

Cheers!!