Sarah Palin: Getting Divorced? I Smell Something Fishy

Upon Gov. Sarah Palin being chosen to be John McCain’s running mate nearly a year ago, the internets became rife with rumors about her.

There were rumors going around that perhaps Trig was not her child but rather was the offspring of her daughter, Bristol.

Recently, a “journalist” named Jesse Griffin who authors a blog called, The Immoral Minority claimed that he had discovered that Gov. Palin and her husband were going to get divorced.

I have never been one to participate in the rumor mill. I have enough actual grist in my head, and of course, I would never participate in promulgating unsubstantiated crap.

However, being the iconic purveyor of truth that I am, when a naked verisimilitude falls into my lap, I must herald it…no matter how distasteful. I have information that is shocking…

While Bristol, Willow, Trig, Tangent, and Co-Secant or whatever, are her kids, Sarah Palin is getting a divorce. The reason?

Sarah Palin is a Lesbian!!

Damn right. I have a well-placed source who is very, very close to me, the Matt-Man, who has passed this scandalous information on to me so that I could share it with the world.

My source has inside information which builds the evidentiary foundation upon which Palin’s gay lifestyle is built.

Consider this…She hunts and guts moose like a man. She wears hip waders without regard for her appearance like a man.

In High School she played basketball. I am told by my source that more than the game itself, Palin loved the post-game locker room nakedness with her female teammates…alot.

When playing for the High School girl’s B-Ball team she had a nickname. Sarah Barracuda. And my friends, what do barracudas eat? That’s right…other fish. See the pisces...er...pieces coming together?

I am told by my shadowy source that Palin developed a new nickname as she grew into adulthood. Most church going folks call her Sarah “The Beauty Queen” Palin, but...

All of the hip, gay chicks who hang out at the Valley Lanes Bowling Center in Wasilla, Alaska refer to her as, Sarah “The Scissors Queen” Palin.

And both the feminine and butch bowling chicks alike, say that she can really cut a rug…and they ain’t talkin’ about dancing, my friends.

Oh sure, she married Todd “Clueless Dude” Palin, spit some kids out, and sang Onward Christian Soldiers in the church choir. That was for the perfect family look that would help her get elected to office. But…

All the while she has been getting naked with busty babes, cursing her reproductive organs, and singing along to Melissa Etheridge and K.D. Lang CDs.

There nothing wrong with being a lesbian. In fact, knowing that she gets it on with other women makes me kinda hot, but it’s time to come out of the igloo closet.

If this gets read by Palin, I am sure her spokeswoman (uh-huh, spokesWOMAN), Meg Stapleton, who I bet has seen Sarah naked a time or two or a hundred, will go on Facebook or Twitter and deny it.

Do what you will ladies. Unlike that pussy Jesse Griffin who tried to post his divorce accusations anonymously, I am Matt-Man; hear me roar.

I know what you’re thinking folks…

“Aren’t you afraid of being quasi-threatened with a lawsuit from Palin like Jesse Griffin was after publishing his claim that she was getting divorced?”

No my friends, I am not. I have the truth on my side. I have well-placed voices talking to me. Most importantly…

I know it’s true because number one, I believe it…and number two?

I’m Matt-Man, Bitch.

Cheers!!