Billy Mays: I Dug The Awesome Auger, But I Needed An Awesome Buzz

It’s Monday Bitches, so let’s catch up on something in the news that was reported late Friday. Maybe you were busy drinking and whoring around over the weekend and missed it.

The Hillsborough County (FL.) Coroner’s office has concluded their autopsy of that Pitch Man of Pandemonium, Billy Mays, and has discovered…

There was cocaine, prescription painkillers, anti-anxiety drugs, and a few drinks in his system at the time of death.

They went on to say that cocaine use led to his ticker having Mighty, Mighty Heart Disease, which was listed as the cause of death.

But that’s not all, folks…

His wife, Deborah, is outraged by the findings of the Coroner’s office. She denies any drug use, and says that the autopsy report was, “speculative…and unnecessary.”

She says that her husband was a victim of chronic, untreated hypertension.

Um...I understand that she is grieving, but is she saying that while Billy Mays was receiving prescriptions for pain and anxiety, the doctor or doctors treating him left his high blood pressure unchecked?

C’mon now....

Hippocratic oath aside, if the docs could throw one more drug into him in the form of blood pressure medication and get a return on it, they would have gladly done that.

I don’t care how fun loving, hard working, and affable someone may seem…We all have our demons. It can be unfortunate…It can be detrimental, but it’s human, and it’s okay.

I do bring this news item up for another reason. I want some kudos from the general public. During the initial bemoaning of Mr. Mays’ death, I while a fan, took a more jaded approach to his eternal expiration.

In my post of June 29th, the day after his death, I wrote the following:

“Here’s to Billy Mays who passed away yesterday. As of this writing, the cause of death is unknown, but I’m thinking that he OD’d from snorting too much OxiClean and either his heart or his head went Kaboom!

No matter what happened, there isn’t enough Mighty Putty in the world to fix him.”

That’s right folks…The death of Billy Mays may not have directly involved OxiClean, but he was sure as hell snorting something…and I called it.

On second thought, maybe it was “OxiClean” that he was snorting because after all, can one spell OxiClean without using the letters that appear in the word, “cocaine”?

Maybe the FDA should consider looking into exactly what is in that powerful cleanser.

And maybe, you should say to me:

“Matt-Man, you are a fucking genius.”

Cheers!!