Wednesday, December 02, 2009

The Merry Christmas Billboard Ladies Are Back And Jesus Hates Them

The Merry Christmas Billboard Ladies are back for another yuletide go ‘round with retailers who refuse to use the words, “Merry Christmas” in their advertising and/or prohibit their employees from uttering the phrase while servicing customers.

Judi Hanna, Linda Bennett, Joanne Brown, and Pat See from warm and wonderful northeast Ohio are pressing on with their crusade to decorate our highways and byways with billboards that attempt to put Christ back into the Saturnalian festival that has become Christmas.

These ladies are as mad as heck, and aren’t going to put up with the snubbing of the birth of the Little Baby Jeebus.

As Ms. Bennett so eloquently puts it:

“It’s not a secular holiday... as Christians we have a calling to follow God’s example ... he gave us his son. We need to take the Gospel message and help those less fortunate…The billboards remind people what Christmas is really about ... the gifts are secondary,”

If you go to this group’s Home Page, you will see that they are indeed more concerned with celebrating the birth of Christ than participating in the commercial orgy that is Christmas:

Retailers would prefer to offend 78% of Americans who consider themselves Christian by taking Christ out of Christmas. They prohibit their retail employees from saying Merry Christmas, or from displaying anything referring to "Christmas".

The same retailers want business from Christian customers, and rely on Christian customers for the vast bulk of their business during the Christmas season.

This same seventy-eight percent of Americans account for a 37% increase in clothing sales, a 137% increase in jewlery sales, and a 46% increase in electronic sales in November and December. Without Christmas, retailer's bottom line would be devistated.

See the connec--…Hey, wait a minute…Are these chicks attempting to put Christ first during this time by threatening to “devistate” the bottom lines of retailers selling jeans, “jewlery”, and iPods who don’t say, “Merry Christmas?”

To me, that logic is non sequitur. In fact, if I were Mr. Spock, smoke would be coming out of my big Vulcan ears right now.

The ladies threatening to take food out of the mouths of merchants and their sweet little children, is not very Christ-like. It is a mockery before the eyes of our Lord and Savior, Jeebus Christ, and for that, Jeebus hates them.

In fact, his hate for these women is equaled only by their inability to spell the words, “jewelry” (the way they spell it sounds anti-Semitic, hmmm?) and “devastated”.

Okay…Okay…Jeebus doesn’t hate, but he is no way thrilled with this brood of boneheads.

Jeebus, doesn’t want people wishing him a Happy Birthday. While he would probably appreciate the brotherhood and harmony that takes place at this time of year, he would be appalled by the commercialism and boycotts that are initiated in his name.

Most importantly, I for one, know that Jeebus would prefer to see “jewlery” sales drop 137%. He is not a big fan of “jewlery”. The Romans giving him a thorny tiara and piercing his hands and feet, kind of turned him off to such baubles.


Like it or not, Christmas has for many Americans become a secular holiday, and these ladies through their implied boycott are willing participants.

Christmas for all that it has become is still a great time of year.

Whether one says, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, or Merry Christmas, Good will is still shown… Good times are still had…Good works are still done.

And, that’s just fine by me.



Micky-T said...

Why do we HAVE to celebrate it every single year?

Can't we just take a break and forget all the good cheer for one year? It's really gotten so far from the old days of Christmas that was celebrated throughout history. It's morphed into an aberation of profit.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Well, my good man, you need not celebrate it at all.

I for one, dig X-Mas. I get together with my family, people are a little friendlier, and I like all of the cheesy decorations and music.

Any thoughts of Jesus and the solemnity thereof are kept to myself during this time. Cheers Mick!!

Scott Oglesby said...

Another stellar post by a quickly recovering wordsmith! And the award for best use of Saturnalian in a blog goes to…… I can never understand why they get so fucking uptight about these things. It’s not even really their fucking holiday. –Like I believe you alluded to earlier.

And you’re right, Jewlery reminds one of
Loan Sharkary
Or Ron Jeremy
None of which I’d want to give to my wife on Christman morn. Hey, maybe if we got these old gals some Ron Jeremy they’d chill a bit though. –Sorry, this is what happens when I mix Red Bull and Coffee.

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Three years of Latin never fails to show at some point. Here's to Saturnalia.

These chicks need something. That's why I sent them an e-mail with a link to this post. I hope it inspires them as much as they inspire me. Cheers Scott!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...with razzleberry dressing!...

Bond said...

I want presents...screw them!

Desert Rat said...

I'm just gonna run around the yard naked on the solstice and call it good. The return of the light is what it's all about, after all. (And my super white butt is VERY reflective.)

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Don't give them anything extra. They're on my naughty list and not in a good way. Cheers P-Man!!

Bond: Damn Straight!! The more the beterrer. Cheers Vin!!

Rat: Um...Well...I know what I want for Christmas now. A plane ticket to Puh-Hoe-Nix. Cheers Rat!!

Anonymous said...

Are these woman with Tiger Woods also? As I listen to A Flock of Seagulls..the more you live...sounds like BGSU if only that one dude came into the room acting like Boy George

Dianne said...

Amen my brother!

Four Dinners said...

It probably ain't a question that Christians would appreciate but...being me...I will ask anyroad.

Would I give my baby to a virgin without the benefit of a good shag?


Would I allow MY baby to get nailed to cross for any reason what so ever?


Am I God?

Obviously not.


There goes my planned immortality...

Jay said...

Well Happy Fucking Hanukkah to the Billboard Ladies.

Nobody can ruin Christmas faster than God's Warriors.

David said...

As the Wikipedia gods tell me: "Saturnalia became one of the most popular Roman festivals. It was marked by tomfoolery and reversal of social roles, in which slaves and masters ostensibly switched places, with expectedly humourous results."

Now don't get me wrong, I love tomfoolery as much as the next person but this business of becoming a slave...I'm really not into that.

And frankly, I don't want to see those women much less have them talk to me about Xmas...or anything else for that matter.

Cheers Matt-Man

Michele said...

Christmas is too commercial. We buy very few gifts and instead go on vacation. This year The Blues Trail from New Orleans to Memphis. Now that is the way to spend the holidays.

Matt-Man said...

Joe: Hee Hee...His name was Dan and Boy George did he have issues. Cheers Hair Care!!

Dianne: Brother? Does that mean my thoughts about you are incestuous? Cheers Di!!

Four: Ha. You are a frickin' mess. I love it. Cheers FD!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: No shit...It's like throwing a wet blanket over a nativity scene. Fud-puckers. Cheers Jay!!

David: There are more than a few women to whom I wouldn't mind being a slave. Cheers David!!

Michele: And that sounds incredibly cool. Have fun you crazy kids. Cheers Michele!!

Starrlight said...

Someone send Meredith Baxter over to spread a little joy for them ;)

katherine. said...

I just had this conversation earlier today...

While it may be true many people have become too commercialized at Christmas...I will continue to celebrate in the tradition of Balthazar, Gaspar, and Melchior.

If people are offended or unhappy or whatever about the commercialization of Christmas then they can stop taking advantage of all the great sales. Easy-peasy. Boycott the stores.

People in the last 2000-plus years have come to follow Christianity from many walks of life...and many other religions and secular lifestyles. They have brought their past and incorporated their traditions as they saw fit.

Personally...I love how it all fits together in my life. The decorated Christmas Trees...the presents...the stockings...Santa Claus...the gift giving. All of it. That is how I celebrate the birth of that baby long ago. I don't care if it wasn't in December. This is when I celebrate that gift.

I say "Merry Christmas" to the store clerks who say "happy holidays" most of them smile sheepishly or roll their eyes and say "Merry Christmas" right back.

jennifer said...

I don't like the idea of retailers telling employees what to say but I guess it is their right. Doesn't matter what the clerk says to me in form of a greeting though, it isn't going to change the way I celebrate one way or the other. If I say Merry Christmas to you it isn't going to rob you of a Happy Hanukkah, right? (I totally had to scroll up and read Jay's comment to spell that).

But thanks for the enlightenment - I'd never heard of the Billboard ladies.

BTW - WHAT are you feeding Ryno??? I can't get over how much your kid has grown! Your Daddy-pride always comes through loud and clear in your writing - that's cool!

Merry Christmas, Season's Greetings, Happy Holidays... all that jazz to you Matt-Man :)