Monday, February 15, 2010

It's Presidents' Day...Veto Your Hunger!!

A Bagwine tradition, updated for your bemusement...

What better way to laud our Presidents than to create an Executive Office restaurant with a full menu of culinary delights in their honor…

Ready for breakfast? How about trying an Abraham and Cheese Omelet? Instead of eating it along with boring slices of toast, try our Mary Todd Lincoln Crazy Bread.

If you phone ahead, you can even reserve the coveted John Wilkes Booth.

Eggs not your first choice? Perhaps you are more of a pancake and sausage kind of person, and prefer JFK to Honest Abe. No problem...

Order a plate full of our Bay of Pigs in a Blanket. The cakes are fluffy and the sausage has a hint of Cuban spices. Bueno!!

You can always stop by for lunch as well.

If you like a good hamburger try our Cow-Vin Coolidge Burger. We cook the beef until well done so the meat doesn’t make a sound. Silent Cal would have it no other way.

A well made Club Sandwich is increasingly hard to find, but not at our place. We use three layers of the best turkey, ham, roast beef, and the freshest tomato and lettuce in ours.

This is a giant sandwich inspired by a giant in American Politics, Franklin Roosevelt.

Order this, and the only thing your hunger will fear will be the deliciousness of our Cripple-Decker Club.

Maybe you’d like to nosh on a few appetizers. We got ’em. Try our Teddy Roosevelt inspired, Speak Softly and Carry a Big Fried Cheese on a Stick.

Another popular snack is our William McKinley Buffalo Wings. They are simply to die for.

We have plenty of dinner entrees from which to choose as well. One popular dish is our Chester A. Arthur Mutton Chops. These mutton chops are big and delicious just like Chester’s…minus the hair.

Not a glutton for mutton?

A rising star on our dinner menu is the other white meat in the form of our uber-juicy James K. Polk Chops.

These chops are butterflied and stuffed with spinach, bleu cheese, and seasoned with copious amounts of obscurity. Who knew that our eleventh President tasted so good!?

We also offer tribute to former White House Wizard, George W. Bush. For a big, Texas-Sized appetite try our Iraq of Lamb. Upon trying this dish, President Bush said, “Dang, these is some good.”

We offer some great Italian fare. Start off with our Benjaminestrone Harrison soup, followed by a James A. Garfield of Arugula salad and top your repast off with our award winning Harry Trumanicotti.

Are you more a fan of seafood and Obama? We’ve got you covered. Try either our Oysters Barackerfeller or our Deep Fried Mishellfish Platter.

Ready for dessert? Try our Andrew Johnson Impeachment Cobbler, Sherbet Hoover, or even though she’s not a President, we honor Sarah Palin with our mouth watering, Half Baked Alaska.

Well there you have it, a menu fit for a President. And don't forget...


If you like the food here and want to come back again and again, sign up for huge discounts by purchasing our William H. Taft Frequent Diner Card. Good times, good times...

I think I’ll celebrate by having a cocktail before I go.

I’ll mix some blue vodka, a splash of sweet, charming Vermouth, and a shot of ego…

Mmmmm...I love a good Bill Clintini in the morning. Happy Presidents Day!!


Cheers!!

P.S. The White Death is on its way to Bagwine, Ohio yet again...Oh the Humanity!!

29 comments:

David said...

You've had your witty hat firmly in place for this one. I can't decide which things to order. I guess I have to have 3 meals a day there for at least a week

Yet another attack in Snowmagedddon 2010 is coming our way to DC but they are pretending that anther 2 or 3 inches won't matter on top of the 17 inches on the ground now frozen into solid ice. I suspect we will be chopping it up to make tasty cold cocktails for Memorial Day.

Matt-Man said...

David: Why thank ya. We have about 12" on the ground and are supposed to get 5-8 more. I like snow, but I'm sick of it now. Cheers David!!

bobbybegood1 said...

I'm freaking cracking up! They all sound outragesously lip-smacking. David is absolutely right. You had to have on your best droll suit on for that one. That one can't be topped, so DON'T nobody try. Hey, but, watch what ya say about Michelle O. She has my namesake. Ha. Cheers Matty!!

Matt-Man said...

Bobby: I was rather amused myself by this post. Cripple Decker...Hee Hee. And I know...I would never belittle any Michelle. Cheers BBG!!

3 Men and a Lady said...

I'm sure IHOP will be contacting you soon to help them devise a President's Day menu. LOL Enjoy your snow, we're only getting 4-6" here.

Matt-Man said...

Lady: I would dig that. We don't have an IHOP 'round here. We may get a little more than that. I hope you all have a wunnerful V-Day. Cheers D!!

Jay said...

Hahaha! This whole post was hilarious buddy. I'm gonna make some James K. Polk Chops tomorrow night. LOL ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha Ha....Thanks Jay. Just remember...Go heavy on the obscurity. He'd like that. Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...

I'll take one of ..... two of everything. And a big to go box.

We're only getting 1-2 inches of snow. I feel left out!

Scott Oglesby said...

The undisputed Master of Pun is back and he’s kicking ass and changing names! Loved it! I can see a few James Beard awards in your future as well!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I wouldn't mind a mere 1-2...we're gettng a little snow weary here. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: Why thanks and this time you made me have to Google something. Cheers Scott!!

Dana said...

Clintini

Am I the only one who thinks that sounds just a bit dirty?? In a good way of course!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: You could always put a little olive juice in there to make sure it's dirty. Cheers Dana!!

Micky-T said...

Jefferson Sour Mashed Potato's would be good on the menu too.

2" of white stuff here, pretty yes, welcome, NOOOO!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: You could serve that with Jefferson Fried Chicken. All dark meat of course. Enjoy the snow. Cheers Mick!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I'll have the Harry Trumanicotti...If I can wash it down with some Amy House Wine...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Why sure; we can do that fer ya. And...next time why not order our newest, George Washington inspired:

Father of Our Country-Fried Steak

Cheers P-Man!!

Joker_SATX said...

You forgot that the Clinitini is served only on the outside veranda because the meal comes accompanied by a good Cigar smoke afterwards....

Matt-Man said...

Joker: It would also go well with a good Delmonica cut of steak or a kosher meal. Cheers Joker!!

Bond said...

Nice additions this year Matt...a good menu always needs upgrading

You can Call me AL said...

That was funny! Damn Dude! How you whittled your way on this, I'm in awe....

Doc said...

i'll take one of those Cilintinis too!

Desert Rat said...

Oh, those are gooooood! As usual, you totally crack me up! Now, I'm hungry!

Dianne said...

you and Dana took my Clintini comment, dirty minds are wonderful

Love!!! 'John Wilkes Booth'

Mrs. A said...

Desert Rat introduced me (her next-door neighbor and buddy) to you, Matt-Man. And I thank her for it! Keep up with the wit... today's entry almost made me pee my pants!

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Have to stay one step ahead of the competition. Cheers Vinny!!

Al: Thanks Al...I like to whittle with myself often. Cheers Al!!

Doc: Drink enough of them and you can become President. Cheers Doc!!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Why thank ya. You can join me for McDonald's tomorrow if you're still hungry. Cheers Rat!!

Dianne: I try hard for you. Bottoms Up, Di. Cheers!!

Mrs. A: Ha...Well I'm glad you laughed and even happier that you remained dry. Glad that Rat sent you over and hope you come back often. Cheers A!!

MysteryChick said...

I'll start with the Oysters Barackerfeller and a Clintini then I'd like some Polk Chops.

I think I'll skip dessert though I'm not a fan of Half-Baked Alaska (plus I have a pain in my side from laughing so hard).

Matt-Man said...

Chick: As the owner of this restaurant, I feel it incumbent on me to personally rub away the pain from you. Cheers Chick!!