What’s up with the title of this post, you ask? Well, let me tell you.
I know it’s President’s Day, but c’mon; Gaddafi is like a President, and…He needs my help.
In Libya, as we speak, turmoil is raging and thousands of Libyans are being beaten and gunned down for their overzealous and misplaced ingratitude toward my friend, Muammar Gaddafi, or as I call him…
M-Gad Bling.
M-Gad and I go way back.
We’ve been posse pals since 1992 when I went to Tripoli for an experimental medical treatment which cured me of my uber-rare case of syphilis which oddly enough was confined to my right palm and left big toe.
He visited me in the hospital, brought me flowers, and he and I have shared a glorious fidel/infidel relationship ever since.
We share weekly phone calls. Exchange Christmas and Ramadan presents, and spend August evenings on the Barbary coast drinking up the Mediterranean breezes.
Gaddafi and I go together like saffron and rice…cheap wine and feta…indeed, we go together like Silvio Berlusconi and 17 year old Moroccan babes at a bunga bunga party.
So, if the State Department allows it, I will fly to Tripoli tonight to be with Gaddafi in order to offer him a pre-rioter smack down pep talk, a bit of levity, and in a way...
Simply provide M-Gad with some much needed non Muslim Brotherhood.
I know he’d like that, and the best thing about my trip?
Don’t believe for a minute Gaddafi doesn’t drink alcohol. He’s a big fan of Orange Juice and Ouzo.
So, I with my Wild Irish Rose and he with his Greek Screwdrivers, will get our collective freak on and have our own bunga bunga party with his hot bodyguard babes.
My friend M-Gad has been in power for over forty years, and here’s to forty more.
The man is grossly misunderstood and deserves better from the selfish and unappreciative rioting Libyan thugs.
However, as it is President’s Day here in the States, I offer this commercial for Deng Zhou Fillmore’s Air Force Yum restaurant.
Air Force Yum is a restaurant which features menu items inspired by American Presidents. If you can, take 3 1/2 minutes out of your busy day and give it a listen…
(if the button fails to work, click where it says, twaud.io)
Have a wonderful day, and if I make it to Tripoli, I’ll send postcards.
It’s still relatively warm here in Bagwine, Ohio and Schmoop is coming home early today, so it’s gonna be a good day.
And tonight? Schmoop and I will be gorging politely dining upon the goodness that is Taco Bell. Ole’!!
Good times. Good times. But with that being said, I have to say something…
The state governments of Ohio, and other states, particularly Wisconsin, are currently launching attacks against the Collective Bargaining rights of their public employees.
The attacks are bullshit and here’s why.
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) and Gov. John Kasich (R-OH) claim that stripping public employees of their current right to bargain collectively is all about balancing budgets.
It has nothing to do with balancing budgets. It all has to do with eliminating unions…period.
It is one thing to ask for concessions in tough economic times, but to null and void rights that have been in place for years is nothing more than an attempt to emasculate the political power of unionized public employees.
If Walker and Kasich want to take the hard earned bargaining rights away from public employees, they should publicly hoist up their balls and have the courage to say what the reason is.
The reason is not fiscal responsibility.
The reason is that they want no competition in raising campaign funds for their next election and blaming public employee unions for economic woes could help them to achieve their goal.
Walker and Kasich are, to be nice, disingenuous, to be realistic...
They are liars…and in way, pretty damn un-American, and more concerned with putting the fix in on their next election rather than fixing their respective economies.
With that being said, let’s get back to having some fun.
Jayman and I had one helluva good show on I’m With Stupid last night. Our President’s Day Extravaganza was thirty minutes plus of non-stop hilarity.
We had a sexy crowd in the chat room and offered all an entertaining and historical look back on our Presidents…or something.
When you get a chance, you can listen to the show using this handy-dandy BTR listening device:
Hey there…How ya doin’? ‘Cause…well, I think maybe you’re troubled and I don’t want to disturb you.
I see you post on your website and you’re doing some serious venting, which is cool…but, it’s like you are more so seeking affirmation from people that perhaps you really don’t want to know to begin with.
It’s like your entire life revolves around folks online because you can’t or don’t want to cope with your here and now world. What’s up with that?
And seriously, you seek solace from people who tweet you or comment on your blog?
Many of the people you seek out ride your emotional coattails and those of others and slip in their slicky boy comments in a sociopathic way, and whether they truly agree with you or not, they just “love you to death.”
Uh-huh…It’s truly a morbid, symbi-cyber relationship.
Y’know…I find writing everyday on my site to be fun, sometimes cathartic. I enjoy seeing that someone in Egypt, or Bahrain, or the U.S. State Department checked me out. It’s all kinda cool.
I also like your comments, but if I get a comment that is “anti-Matty”, I don’t bust a gasket. Hell, I revel in it and return fire. Man, I dig that more than a naked Schmoop straddling my face as she sings Son of a Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield.
On Facebook and Twitter, it’s the same thing. People become absorbed in “drama.” Ha. What drama?
Somebody de-friended you? Somebody unfollowed you? Somebody said something that hurt your feelings? Unless it is an actual best friend that has been a staple in your life, why do you care?
You people of whom I speak, are flat, fucking freaking me out!!
Maybe if you were to drop your virtual reality that is social media and just have fun with the gloriousness that is the tubes of the internets, you could drop your virtual, yet very real angst and martyrdom.
Oy!! And now…I feel better…
Tonight on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio at 11 PM EST, Jayman and I will be celebrating the upcoming President’s Day Holiday.
Marty Martenstein has one helluva Marconi Award Winning interview with President William Henry Harrison.
We have a new sponsor. The new Presidentially-Inspired restaurant chain, Air Force YUM!! Will be airing a commercial, and…
We’ll be taking your calls as well on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio Thursday night at 11 EST.
A Bagwine tradition, updated for your bemusement...
What better way to laud our Presidents than to create an Executive Office restaurant with a full menu of culinary delights in their honor…
Ready for breakfast? How about trying an Abraham and Cheese Omelet? Instead of eating it along with boring slices of toast, try our Mary Todd Lincoln Crazy Bread.
If you phone ahead, you can even reserve the coveted John Wilkes Booth.
Eggs not your first choice? Perhaps you are more of a pancake and sausage kind of person, and prefer JFK to Honest Abe. No problem...
Order a plate full of our Bay of Pigs in a Blanket. The cakes are fluffy and the sausage has a hint of Cuban spices. Bueno!!
You can always stop by for lunch as well.
If you like a good hamburger try our Cow-Vin Coolidge Burger. We cook the beef until well done so the meat doesn’t make a sound. Silent Cal would have it no other way.
A well made Club Sandwich is increasingly hard to find, but not at our place. We use three layers of the best turkey, ham, roast beef, and the freshest tomato and lettuce in ours.
This is a giant sandwich inspired by a giant in American Politics, Franklin Roosevelt.
Order this, and the only thing your hunger will fear will be the deliciousness of our Cripple-Decker Club.
Maybe you’d like to nosh on a few appetizers. We got ’em. Try our Teddy Roosevelt inspired, Speak Softly and Carry a Big Fried Cheese on a Stick.
Another popular snack is our William McKinley Buffalo Wings. They are simply to die for.
We have plenty of dinner entrees from which to choose as well. One popular dish is our Chester A. Arthur Mutton Chops. These mutton chops are big and delicious just like Chester’s…minus the hair.
Not a glutton for mutton?
A rising star on our dinner menu is the other white meat in the form of our uber-juicy James K. Polk Chops.
These chops are butterflied and stuffed with spinach, bleu cheese, and seasoned with copious amounts of obscurity. Who knew that our eleventh President tasted so good!?
We also offer tribute to former White House Wizard, George W. Bush. For a big, Texas-Sized appetite try our Iraq of Lamb. Upon trying this dish, President Bush said, “Dang, these is some good.”
We offer some great Italian fare. Start off with our Benjaminestrone Harrison soup, followed by a James A. Garfield of Arugula salad and top your repast off with our award winning Harry Trumanicotti.
Are you more a fan of seafood and Obama? We’ve got you covered. Try either our Oysters Barackerfeller or our Deep FriedMishellfish Platter.
Ready for dessert? Try our Andrew Johnson Impeachment Cobbler, Sherbet Hoover, or even though she’s not a President, we honor Sarah Palin with our mouth watering, Half Baked Alaska.
Well there you have it, a menu fit for a President. And don't forget...
If you like the food here and want to come back again and again, sign up for huge discounts by purchasing our William H. Taft Frequent Diner Card. Good times, good times...
I think I’ll celebrate by having a cocktail before I go.
I’ll mix some blue vodka, a splash of sweet, charming Vermouth, and a shot of ego…
Mmmmm...I love a good Bill Clintini in the morning. Happy Presidents Day!!
Cheers!!
P.S. The White Death is on its way to Bagwine, Ohio yet again...Oh the Humanity!!
Wow…I woke up late today. I slept until 7:30...For me, that is pretty damn late. I haven’t slept this late since the time I had stayed up all night playing strip poker with two hot former Soviet KGB ladies. It was great. We got all nekkid and oiled up after the game, and had steamy, vodka fueled sex, all the while making collective farm noises. Rock my world Comrade. But anyway…I guess I slept so late this time because yesterday, my swollen face had almost healed completely. I could eat, drink, and smoke without pain. We listened to music, experienced a little human touch, and just breathed in the joy of life. I was on sensory overload, and I loved it. It is so nice to feel human once again.
My post will be brief as I have to go over to the house that I used to own Ryno’s house and fix a couple of things for Mom. Then, I must come home and construct a semi-homemade pizza for tonight’s repast. I am such a giver aren’t I? So let’s get right to it worshippers…Bow your heads and pray. Lord, please forgive Jane Fonda for using the C-Word, and also, remind Jane how lucky she is that she no longer has to have three way sex with Ted Turner and his ego. Father, while he tours Africa, let George Dubya know this...
Even though tomorrow is Presidents’ Day that doesn’t give him the right to deflower the nubile 13 year old daughter of the King of the Oomgulu Tribe. Almighty Bling Dawg, please make NASCAR fans refrain public displays of incest and tobacco spit swapping at today’s Daytona 500. To all of this we ask, Lord Hear Our Prayer.
Amen, and Amen…
Today’s Sunday Serenade is in honor of the Lord restoring my senses, and letting me once again experience the thrill of sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell.
My fellow Church Disservice participants, enjoy this tune from 1982 performed by XTC…
Cheers!!
NOTE: If you like to play trivia, tune into Turnbaby’s BlogTalk Radio Show tonight at 8 EST. For details, Click HERE.
In Libya, as we speak, turmoil is raging and thousands of Libyans are being beaten and gunned down for their overzealous and misplaced ingratitude toward my friend, Muammar Gaddafi, or as I call him…
So, I with my Wild Irish Rose and he with his Greek Screwdrivers, will get our collective freak on and have our own bunga bunga party with his hot bodyguard babes.
