Sunday, February 14, 2010

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: It's Love Day, Bitches!!

It’s a Valentine’s Day Sabbath all around the world and I’ll be spending Valentine’s Day with the person I love the most.

That’s right…

Me!!

I’ll be loving myself more than usual as I work the Beer Mine from 11-7 today. I hope it doesn’t offend my customers.

After work, I will head over to see my damn near as tall as me Valentine…Ryno. The little shit is just a shade shorter than I now. And there you have it. Pretty exciting, no?

Sure I’d love to spend the day drinking champers and strapping Schmoop into the inflatable bondage chair, but alas, I and my love are needed elsewhere to tend to the needs of others.

One word that comes to mind as I think about my plight…selfless.

I hope that all of you lovely Bagwine readers enjoy the day with someone you love.


If you have no one to love, find someone for the day and have hot, meaningless, no strings attached sex with him or her. Trust me, it will make you feel better.

With the passing of Valentine’s Day, my recent boatload of loving posts comes to an end as well. Monday I shall revert back to my acerbic self. I miss that me.

This is gonna be a big week so I need to re-discover my inner asshole in preparation. You see…Lent begins this Wednesday and with it, my 46 day breadless journey through the wilderness.

I shall require every fiber of being a jerk that I can find within myself. Jeebus would expect no less from me, and who I am to disappoint the Messiah?

Amen, and Amen…

So there you have it for today. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day all and before I go I leave you with a song sung by perhaps the sexiest voice in rock n roll history…

Introduced by KT Tunstall, I give you fellow Ohioan, Chrissie Hynde…God she makes me melt...



Cheers!!

19 comments:

Mike said...

Don't you just hate it when you have to decide who gets straped in the chair first.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Whoever is the least sober get the straps put to em'. Of course...we are usually both so shit faced that we can't determine who that is. Cheers Mike!!

Michele said...

Doesn't loving yourself make it hard to make change?

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Ha. That's why God gave me two hands. Cheers Michele!!

People in the Sun said...

My Honey just got me this new laptop for Valen Times. Faced with a $4.99 and a $9.99 chocolate boxes, I decided to get the bigger one. See? I'm a good husband.

3 Men and a Lady said...

I am resigned to the first option, but am open to the second. lol ;-)

See what happens when I drink??

Have a great day at work :-)

The Covert Lover said...

I wish someone was getting me that chair for V-Day!

Here's hoping that you have a great day and no customer so ugly that they ruin your self lovin' time!

Matt-Man said...

PITS: Ha. You are Yoda wise. Cheers Pits!!

Lady: Ha, alcohol...the drink that launched a thousand romances...and just as many break-ups. Happy V-Day, D. Cheers!!

Covert: Thanks for the well wish. And I bet you'd look sensational in that chair. Happy V-Day to ya Lover. Cheers!!

Scott Oglesby said...

Oh my God do I want that chair. Not for sexual purposes though…I can’t even figure out how that would work…where was I?...oh yea, that thing looks super comfortable. I’ll take a nap in that thing over a Lazy-boy any day!

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, Loverboy!

Candice said...

I have that exact chair in pink!

Dianne said...

that song is fantastic
she is fantastic
you are fantastic

Happy Love Day Matty

bobbybegood1 said...

Now how did I know you were going to say that to Covert. How? Because I'm sikick (pronounced sigh-kick). Ha. I'm back. Did ya miss me? Cause I missed ya. Bratty, spoiled, but ohhhhhhh sooooooo loveable daughter had to use computer. Does chair have vibrater? If yes, I'll take one in purple. Thanx Matt.

bobbybegood1 said...

P. S. Now don't cha go and hurt yaself with all that self-lovin, ya here!!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: It does look comfortablr and just think...It can double as a flotation device. Cheers Scott!!

Candice: Oh my...I think it moved. Cheers Candice!!

Dianne: Same to ya hotstuff. I do dig her. Cheers Di!!

Matt-Man said...

Bobby: Of course I missed ya. And I don't think it comes with a vibrator but I do. I managed not to break anything. Cheers BBG!!

David said...

I must be totally inadequate as a perv or bondage freak cause I just can't figure out what kind of fun and games that chair would facilitate other than leaving someone stuck in it and bored.

And just what is a Padded Aduustable anyway?

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha. I love the padded "aduustable". A little constriction is kinda fun. Cheers David!!

Desert Rat said...

You know, I could totally see the advantage of napping in that chair. I mean, slap on the velcro, sack out, and there is no danger of waking up on the floor in a puddle of drool. Nice!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Ha...I hate that puddle of drool thing. I am a frequent nocturnal drooler. Cheers Rat!!