Sunday, February 28, 2010

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Chile con Carnage

While it’s going to be a gray and cool Sabbath in Bagwine today, my 11-7 shift at the Beer Mine will do me good. It may get my mind refocused in a positive light.

Lately, I have been incredibly pissy and whiny even here on Bagwine Ruminations.

I don’t feel sick. There have been no monumental changes in my life. The breadless thing isn’t killing me.

I don’t know what it is…Maybe my ovaries are drying up and I am becoming menopausal. All I know is that I have to shake this attitude.

I promise that starting today I will go back to being a sarcastic, major league asshole minus the annoying whininess.

There’s far more cataclysmic things going on in this world than my self created melodrama.

Hell there’s hundreds dead due to the earthquake in Chile. Parts of that country have been shamble-lized. I guess you could call the devastation: Chile con Carnage.

Yep the place is pretty messed up. Of course, I always thought that Chile was kind of a fucked up country with a stupid name to begin with.

I mean, it’s like 10 million miles long and only a foot and a half wide. I always thought it would be hell to be a Chilean farmer. You could only plant a single row of anything and it would stretch for miles and miles.

I can hear the discussion between two Chilean farmers…

“Where’s Paco?” “Oh, he’s 40 miles north of here weeding the tail end of the radish crop. He’ll be back in three days.”

It would be hell keeping up with the watering of the long ass radish row too.

Some places in Chile are among the driest on earth. In some areas you can’t even piss down your own leg ‘cause it will evaporate before it gets to your knee cap.

Dick Cheney has heart attacks more often than it rains in Chile. Of course, Dick Cheney has heart attacks more often than the sun shines in Ohio during the winter.

Anyhoo…where was I?

Oh yeah…I am not going to be whiny any longer and I want to wish the earthquake victims and their fucked up looking country with the stupid name my deepest and sincerest regrets.

So there you have it folks. I have wished the people of Chile my sympathies and I am on my way to extricating myself from my pissiness.

And, in order to get myself out of the dumps and in keeping with the feeling of international goodwill I am playing the classic video of the owner of the Beer Mine, Drive-By Mikey, attempting to sing Ching Chong Chinaman. Enjoy…

Oh if only everyone could have a boss like mine.



Anonymous said...

Glad to see the funk is lifting :-)

Really, who made those borders down there? Maybe Chile just wanted to keep Argentina and Bolivia from having a view of the Pacific. On a serious note, although the damage is catastrophic, it's looking brighter than Haiti, fatality-wise.

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Yeah they are fareing much better, relatively speaking. Of course they have modern construction and a stable government. It's still sad. Cheers D!!

Mike said...

What's this world coming to? You work for a kid!

Desert Rat said...

I spent a large part of my day worrying about the tsunami generated by the Chilean earthquake as my better half is living/working in Aus in Gladstone, on the coast, in one of the areas for which a tsunami warning was issued. It's all good, now. Danger has passed, all is well, but it sucked big time.

Melancholia? This too, shall pass. Honest.

Scott Oglesby said...

You got sand in your…. what now? I’m glad you’re trying to cheer up buddy. Enjoy your life, you have a great one.

I’m wondering if the earth has just finally had enough and is now telling us humans to just piss off. It seems to me that natural disasters are occurring almost every day now. WTF?

Four Dinners said...

I will be eating Chile tonight in their honour....out of a tube 4 feet long and 1/2 inch wide...;-)

er...just read your comment on 3 Men & A Lady.

I forbid you to ever think of me! Ever ever ever ever ever!!!!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha. Yes I do, and I dig it. Cheers!!

Rat: I forgot about that. Is he ever coming home? I'm glad he is well. And yeah, its passing. Cheers Rat!!

Scott: Ha. I don't know why it all started but I'm getting out of it. There does seem to be alot of shit going down. Maybe I'll consult with Pat Robertson as to the why. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Four: Ha. It's comments like that that make me love you so damn much. And I promise...I'll try not to think of you in that light. Cheers FD!!

Dianne said...

I don't like it if you're not happy but I do like your tender side
makes me want to marinate it

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Ha. Soak me baby. And you know what? Even when I'm in a funk your comments always make me laugh. Thanks. Cheers Sexy!!

Jay said...

I'm glad the gloominess is lifting. Cause you know, when you're not happy, I'm not happy. ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha. You are so damn sweet. Off to work. Have a lovely Sabbath, Jay. Cheers!!

David said...

Drive-by Mikey is going to disappoint some serious bitches if he tries to have spanking sex using fly swatters....I'm just saying.