Friday, March 19, 2010

Jay Must Die!! Or...Someone Needs To Get Naked with Me!!

We’ve talked about karma before on here. Well…

It’s finally coming back to me…and not in a good way.

A couple of years ago, I ran into my High School love and she told me that she and her new boyfriend had just gone to King’s Island Amusement Park.

We had gone there years ago and I won many prizes for said girlfriend. When they were there, he couldn’t win a damn thing.

She said to her boyfriend, “Gee, my old boyfriend could have won me something.”

When she told me this, I chuckled. But then, something happened of late and it has come back to bite me on the ass.

Karma has reared its ugly head and spit on me like a rabid cobra. I am in the same boat as “new boyfriend”.

Schmoop wanted ice cream on Thursday. I told her to go get some. She asked if I would get it for her. I said, “no.”

She, without hesitation said, Jay would.”

To which I replied, “Well good for Jay. Why don’t you call him?”

And then people…she needed a beer and said, “You got yourself a beer, why didn’t you get me one?”

To which I replied,
“You didn’t ask.”

And what did I get from Schmoop?

“Jay wouldn’t have had to ask; he would have just gotten me one.”

And I thought …“Gee, while I wish Arkansas was closer because you’re a bitch and could live with Jay; Jay must die because I do like your boobs and your hoo-ha.”

And so…I am in a quandary folks….Do I kill Jay or do I kill Schmoop? Or?

Do I get me my own
Jay? Is there anyone out there that would like to be my friend. My special friend?

Is there anyone out there who when Schmoop says, “I don’t wanna have sex with you Mahoney.”, you’d be willing to say…

“I will.”

If so, let me know…’cause trust me, things are getting crowded around here even if he is 800 miles away.

Cheers!!

24 comments:

Mike said...

No comments yet. WHERE THE HELL IS JAY!!!!!!!

Matt-Man said...

ike: Ha...He may be around but maybe he's busy getting ice cream. Cheers Mike!!

Lu' said...

I was thinking yah but, and then I remembered Jay cooks to so shit you are screwed and not in the way you hoped.

Matt-Man said...

Lu: I am quite the cook. So to Jay and like minded people I say, "Bring it On." Cheers Lu!!

Jay said...

Hahaha! This is the story of my life though. Chicks use my awesomeness to make their boyfriends better people. It's my curse really.

And, thank God nobody who really knows me or any of my exes read this cause they would ruin it for me in about 3.2 seconds. LOL ;-)

The Covert Lover said...

"I will." ;)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha..I hear ya...I've been there many times, but let me make one thing perfectly clear...she adores you, as do I. Cheers Jay!!

Covert: I have but one word to say to you..."Really?" Cheers Hot Stuff!!

3 Men and a Lady said...

So are you saying jealousy and the guilt trip doesn't work on you? LOL

But really, getting ice cream and beers IS very nice. I personally think "sweets to the sweet", you know? ;-)

Jay said...

Well, to be honest with you, I would have gone out and gotten her ice cream if she asked. It would give me a chance to see if any of the street walkers were out yet, or if it's still too cold. LOL

And I adore you guys too. Just don't tell anyone, okay. ;-)

Scott Oglesby said...

I’ll do it. But you’ll have to get both of us beer and ice-cream….during. Or wait, did you mean the sex being with you? If so….can I get some ice-cream?

Doc said...

What a great post! Now you see why I don't tell my wife about Jay!

Dianne said...

Oy!

you kids have got to all learn to just play together

I think we should all stock up on ice cream and beer and go camping together

I'll be in charge of demonstrating what "sharing" is all about

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I've noticed that when the Evil Twin is super nice to me, I feel like giving up the hoo-ha more often (which is pretty much once a day anyway).

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Ha...I have almost nary a streak of jealousy in me, but guilt? I do carry plenty of that around. I typically do what she wants but...wait...no I guess I don't. Cheers D!!

Jay: And we adore you, but seriously, you don't want to even look at the hookers in Bagwine. Wow. Cheers Jay!!

Scott: Ha. Very good. It would be even funnier if I wasn't so damn hungover. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Doc: It's always the nice quiet ones isn't it? Cheers Doc!!

Dianne: I like that. How about you, Schmoop and I go camping and the three of us can share a sleeping bag. Cheers Sexy!!

ETW: You are a very kind woman. I don't have to worry about trying to be super nice in order to get some; the girl does like her some cock regardless. Yeah, I'm gonna die for that comment. Cheers ETW!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I just KNEW it was called a hoo-ha...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: I was just being polite. I would tell you what I call Schmoop's but she would kill me. Cheers P-Man!!

David said...

As much as I like Schmoop...and I do...I fear you are in a catch 22. If you deliver the nice cold beer when she didn't ask for it, you would be trying to get her drunk to have your way with her in her moment of weakness. If you provide ice cream she didn't ask for, you would be trying to get her fat.

Oy....that having been said, I think you should have asked her if she wanted a beer when you went for yours. The go-shopping-for-ice-cream thing...well, did you have a reason for saying no? Did you ask "What's in it for me?"

Geez Louise - I sound like a panelist on new Jerry Seinfeld marriage counselling tv show...not that there is any thing wrong with that.

I have always taken you for a much more shrewd negotiator than this albeit amusing post would suggest.

Matt-Man said...

David: HA. You put alot of thought into this. I should have more to say in respopnse but all I can think of is "Ha...That's pretty funny." Cheers David!!

Clay Perry said...

just send schmoop out here for a couple of weeks... after a little while of "southern living" she wont mind getting her own damn beer...

Marilyn said...

Or you could get the ice cream... reciprocity is not evil.

jme said...

i'm in!

Matt-Man said...

Clay: She doesn't know how good shehas it...At least thts's what I tell myself.

Marilyn: I understand, but I have to break the habit. I don't get any reciprocity.

jme: What? You're into what? 'Cause if you leave it up to me; You're into alot of things.

cathy said...

Stop whinging the pair of you.
My husband wouldn't piss on me if I caught fire, despite the fact that he's been giving me shit for years.
Now go get the ice-cream and buy extra syrup.