Thursday, March 04, 2010

Matt-Man: Alone in the Randomness

Hi Y’all…

Well today is a big hot needle in my eye…

I have to take and pick up Schmoop from work and I also have to take and pick up Ryno from school. So, I know what you’re sayin’…

“Geez, what a busy day, Matt-Man, you’re gonna be sooooooo exhausted. You're like a Mattsi Cab”

I appreciate your sympathies and heart-felt thoughts, but being the tireless trooper that I am, I shall press on…

Since I am soooo damn “busy” today…

I thought today would be a good day to just unzip my fly, pull down my pants, and let my randomness whip out. Here ya go, my friends, a few random thoughts…

*Did you know that if you are sitting in your apartment looking out the window and see an unfamiliar guy walk into an apartment across the way with a sledge hammer and a nail gun, it can make you not only laugh out loud, but a bit uncomfortable?

*I was thinking…the best thing about being Jesus, other than turning water into wine, is that, even if he were married, he can fuck any chick in the world and forgive himself while he’s doing it. Talk about your safe sex.

*If I tell a woman that she must have big boobs in order for me to be with her, I am just being me and expressing my preferences, but…if she says that she wants a big cock in return, she’s just being selfish.

If she says, “Well jeez Matt, can’t it at least be measurable?”, then she’s just being downright hurtful.

*Yesterday, I rubbed oregano all over my nipples to see if they would get hard…All it did was make me smell like Mussolini. Shut up guys…and you know who I am talking about.

*I made a combo of boxed cheesy potatoes, hamburger, kidney beans, great northern beans and cheese and baked it in the oven Wednesday night. I called it “Slop”.


Schmoop ate it and said, “This shit is good.”

That recipe shall from this day forward, be known as, “Shit”…for it is good.

*Beginning with my High School sweetheart Sherri, every woman I have ever lived with, cohabitated with, been married to, or otherwise been intimately linked, really likes the 70’s band, Bread. It’s no wonder that I am such the pussy that I am today.

*I asked Schmoop via e-mail if she had any random thoughts for today’s post. She said…”I want to kill everyone in my office.”

To which I replied…"I said random thoughts, not pre-meditated...what the fuck?"

*Sunday is the birthday of Bagwine’s fave Cynical Bastard, Jay. I have an early present for him on Friday. I hope you’ll stop by to see…and listen.

*Are ya wondering why I have pictures of hot chick on chick action?

Well, I talked to Schmoop’s brother David yesterday and he was feeling a bit down. He’s been taking care of their elderly mom who is not doing well at all. He’s kinda tired and spent.

David said, “What’s on your blog tomorrow?”

I told him that it was just a few random thoughts and asked if he had any. He said…

“Yeah…could you put some lesbians on your site tomorrow?”

Say no more David…Enjoy the view...you’ve earned it, and then some.

Cheers!!

48 comments:

bobbybegood1 said...

MEN? Cheers Common One!!

Matt-Man said...

What? Cheers Michelle!!

bobbybegood1 said...

Is sex the only -- well besides food, perhaps -- thing on a man's brain? And why is seeing two women together more acceptable, to the majority of people, than seeing two men together? Splain Lucy!

MysteryChick said...

I love the random thoughts and I do like to look at hot chicks naked.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go take down my post from earlier today. sigh.

Matt-Man said...

Bobby: What straight guy, who was the one requesting by the way, wants to see two guys getting it on or in a compromising position? Not many.

And secondly, David was being funny, in his acerbic kind of way and yeah, what he's been doing lately, I'll do whatever he asks me to do. 'Cause the guy has been been workin' hard. Cheers Michelle!!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: why? Take it down? I havent seen it yet. WHat's going on? Cheers Chick!!

The Covert Lover said...

Loe the random thoughts, and some seriously sexy pics!
But that last pic is a little confusing. I just sure hope they have toys because in my experience those fingernails are just way too long to be anywhere near delicate parts... Just sayin'. ;)

Jay said...

I love lesbians.

Every one of your women have loved the group Bread? I really thought you like a little more variety in your women than that. ;-)

Jay said...

Also, are you allowed to listen to Bread during lent? haha ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Covert: That may be true, but who am I too judge? Love the blue floss on ya. It screams, "Take me Matt"...at least in my mind it does. Cheers Lover!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha...I know isn't it ironic? I think Schmoop plays Bread just to irritate me during my religious sojourn.

But on the whole? I don't know what it is. I just got unlucky with women and their musical tastes. Maybe they think I'm a bald headed David Gates. Cheers Jay!!

Desert Rat said...

Fuck Bread. Zeppelin! Oh, yeah!

Speaking of boobs, I somehow ended up at a site call "Tits for Troops." Ouch.

Random thought: Was Benjamin Franklin really wise?

3 Men and a Lady said...

LOL, you boys never tire of seeing girl on girl action, do you?

Bread, huh? That's odd...

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Oh don't get me wrong...Most of them have always liked Zep, or Ozzy, or Def Lepperd as well, but they always also like...Bread.

As for Ben...He is one of my heroes. The man was literally a genius and still knew how to party. One of the greatest minds of his day and still today. Cheers Lovely One!!

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Well what's not to like? Two sets of fun bags rubbing together, wishing we were in between....I mean c'mon. And yeah...

The Bread thing? I'm just cursed for whatever reason...maybe bad karma...especially this year.

And oh, remind me...I think I may have caused another death based upon what I commented about on your ghost post. I'll talk to you about that soon. Cheers D!!

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Well...not caused, but you know what I mean. Cheers!!

3 Men and a Lady said...

Hmmm... that's sort of disturbing. I can't wait to hear about this.

3 Men and a Lady said...

Oh, so you thought of someone and then they kicked it? That's creepy!

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Yep...Shit. I can't help it. I tell ya all of it tomorrow. Holy Cow. Cheers D!!

Desert Rat said...

I like Ben, too. It's just as I was sitting here in my Aresti Syrah-induced stupor that I noticed my 1906 gold-embossed copy of "The Wisdom of Benjamin Franklin" and wondered about his wiseness. Ooooh, there is a chapter on "Domestic Relations." hee hee.

Okey dokey, I'm goin' to hit the sack. Perchance to dream of Robert Plant - in his youth - bare chested - belting out "Four Sticks." (One of my fav)

3 Men and a Lady said...

Yikes. Well, try not to think about me, then. LOL!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Ha!! Domestic Relations. One of the funniest people I know, that you are. Enjoy your rest and don't let have Ben have his way with you. Even his ghost is good at that. Cheers Rat!!

Matt-Man said...

Lady: It doesn't happen like that. It just pops into my head haphazardly. I can't willfully do it. So, no problems there. Cheers D!!

Scott Oglesby said...

I enjoy your random thoughts; it’s like a little peak into your twisted brain.

I always thought Mussolini smelled more of Cheese Whiz, Nazi semen and baby tears?

As I’ve grown older, I’ve begun to appreciate small breast in a tremendous way. I just love em!

My wife gets really pissed when I refer to any food as ‘shit’ in a sentence. It must be the stuck-up British thing…

Mike said...

"Well today is a big hot needle in my eye…"

That's better than running your dick through a meat grinder. It's all relative.

And the second picture didn't come up again. But I was pretty sure it was safe to open up this time.

Dianne said...

to Scott - as I get older I'd appreciate small breasts as well, less to hold up

I love that last pic Matty, it's art
and hot
Warrior Lesbians

Phfrankie Bondo said...

..well, you should have used mexican oregano, that way you could have smelled like Ritchie Valens!...

Matt-Man said...

Scott: It's odd that she, a Brit, feels that way about you calling certain food, "shit". After all, isn't all British cuisine, "shit". Cheers Scott!!

Mike: Ha. Well ya when you put it that wau a needle inthe eye ain't son bad. That's odd that some pics don't come up though. Cheers Mike!!

Dianne: Damn right its art. I call it:

"Two Bleached Blondes with Big Tits Getting Ready To Scissor Each Other In Black and White."

Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: And who wouldn't want to smell like Ritchie Valens? No one, that's who. Cheers P-Man!!

Irene said...

Randomness and lesbians are fine but that shit you made sounds tasty!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

There is random and there is rawdy. I see, sir, that you have discovered a way to combine the two.

Matt-Man said...

Irene: It was damn good shit. We have leftovers if ya wanna stop by and have some, but ya better hurry because I think that's what we're having again tonight. Cheers Buddy!!

Matt-Man said...

Nick: Ha. Why thanks. I hope you are well Nick. I really must pop over. It's been ages. Cheers to you, my favorite man of the cloth!!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Yes, do. I don't get around as much as I once did.

Matt-Man said...

Nick: Neither do I, Nick. Have a glorious day my friend. Cheers Nick!!

David said...

That guy with the sledge hammer and nail gun - ya think he was a stripper going to a bachelorette party? Nah, probably not, those things would only get lesbians-driving-pickup-trucks hot but they wouldn't likely want a male stripper.

I would have gone for rosemary on the nipples. Rosemary rules.

Matt-Man said...

David: You know? I have found Rosemary to only work well with Chicken or Turkey. As far as lesbians...I have found them to be good anytime. Cheers David!!

David said...

You don't like rosemary with lamb, pork or flounder?

I'm shocked - what with your vast culinary skills.

I think you have been lucky enough to see only the hot lipstick lesbians and not the husky flannel shirt-wearing truck-driving lesbians. I notice you don't post and lust over pics of Rosie O'Donnell. *shiver*

Not that I would want you to. After all, who is going to lust and fanasized over fugly?

Here's a random thought - why does snow turn black when it is melting?

Matt-Man said...

David: I don't like lamb...not a big fan of pork other than bacon and sausage, and I don't eat flat fish. So...

I would never lust over Rosie but I have had, much to my chagrin, pictures of her on here before. I know...I didn't like it either.

As for the snow? It could be a collection of fine particulates which today, in our area, are good. Right Schmoop?

More often than not however, as one who used to drive a snow plow, it's the the grime generated by plowing. Cheers David!!

Lu' said...

Hot lesbian photos are always good for a pick me up :)

Don't forget to breath Dave. Breath outside of course elderly folks can be a bit odoriferous at least my FIL fits that bill. No disrespect intended :)

Lu' said...

Of course that would be BREATHE...
I think I'll just close the door and go home :)

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Ha. I think we all knew what you meant and I am sure Dave appreciates the thought. Cheers Pal!!

Dana said...

Pfftttt! Those aren't REAL LIVE LESBIANS!

False advertising I tell you!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Ha. That's true, but they have an upside...They don't talk. Cheers Dana!!

Candice said...

There's a band called "bread"?

That's just some tomfoolery right there.

Thanks for all the chick on chick action. I'm about as turned on as a Catholic nun.

Matt-Man said...

Candice: Ha. "Tom Foolery" is one of my all-time fave expressions. How the Hell did you know that? I'm still chuckling 'cause I haven't heard it in years. Cheers Candice!!

Four Dinners said...

Did you know that if you are sitting in your apartment looking out the window and see an unfamiliar guy walk into an apartment across the way with a sledge hammer and a nail gun, it can make you not only laugh out loud, but a bit uncomfortable?

Ahhh! But that depends on whether you like your neighbours!...;-)

Matt-Man said...

Four: Good point...and I do not know them, so I guess I should say, "Fuck 'em.". Cheers FD!!