Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Tings I'm Tinking About On Tuesday

Here’s a few things I am thinking about…

Schmoop and Dave’s mom is in the hospital. The lovely Patty Ann is resting comfortably, but is suffering from an acute case of dementia and/or Alzheimer’s.

She went in Sunday evening and may very well be going into a nursing facility upon her release.

There’s one thing of late that I truly get a kick out of about Schmoop’s mom…

Schmoop will go over to see her on Saturdays and hang out with her and Dave while Schmoop does some laundry.

In the course of any conversation that Schmoop and her mom have, ol’ Patty Ann often doesn’t realize that Schmoop is her daughter and doesn’t know her name.


Her mom however almost never fails to ask Schmoop one very important question…

“How’s Matthew?” Ha!!

I dig that. Schmoop? Not so much. It kinda makes her want to throw up a little, so of course, I bring that fact up often.

Anyhoo…Any kind thoughts for Schmoop, Dave, and most importantly for their mom, would be appreciated.

Now dig it…Dave brought some of these over for Schmoop the other day…

That’s right, bitches. Pickled Fucking Eggs. Oh dear God!! Is there anything in the culinary world more horrid than pickled eggs?

Schmoop loves them, but wondered where Dave got them. I had to tell her that he made them and that in fact, pickled eggs do not as she thought, come from drunk chickens, however…

They do sit on the counter of many an old time bar, so pickled eggs are primarily eaten by drunk people, which makes perfect sense as to why Schmoop loves them.

When I see pickled eggs like those pictured above, I think to myself:

“Those god awful things look and smell like the result of the ovarian discharge of an incredibly fertile 50 foot tall woman who went unfertilized and got her period.”

On the upside, upon seeing those nasty beet intoxicated eggs I thought of something that made me smile.

This year, I am going to color some damn Easter Eggs. I haven’t done that in ages, so by God, I am at least going to do 6-12 eggs this year.

I mean, it’s fun. I love hard boiled eggs (if they’re not fucking dripping in beet juice), and it will give me a chance to put pornographic designs upon them.


Damn straight, I’m gonna make me some Easter Porno Eggs.

Should be fun, and I’ll take pictures.

One last thing before I go…


With the warmer days coming, on the days I work now, I don’t get off until nine at night, so my posts will be popping up later than the typical 10 PM from here on out.

Please make a programming note, or just say to yourself, “Who the fuck cares Matt-Man?”

Either way, I’ll be happy.

Cheers!!

28 comments:

Simstone said...

Well there you go Matt-Man ... whilst you are making your Easter Porno Eggs you can also catch up on a little light reading such as our new Health Care Bill. You'll have a blast ...

Matt-Man said...

Sim: As tempting as reading that tome sounds, as Easter draws nigh and as I have given up bread during Lent...

My mind will be focused upon making porn eggs and thinking about the damn pizzas that I'll be eating all day Easter Sunday. Cheers Sim!!

3 Men and a Lady said...

Awww, I really feel for Schmoop, Dave, & Patty. Alzheimer's is such a cruel disease. I can't imagine my mom or dad not knowing me. That would kill me.

I can't wait to see your Easter eggs!

Michele said...

I'm sorry to hear about Schmoop's mom. It is hard when a parent gets to that point. I never will. My boys have already said they'll put me down like one of the dogs. Why waste the state's money on a nursing home?

Pickled eggs? Who's the genius that thought that was a good idea?

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Thanks and all things considered and her age as well, things are as good as they can be. And let me tell you...

When you say that you can't wait to see my Easter eggs. You make it sound dirty...I like that. Cheers D!!

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Thanks Michele. It's never a good thing but all shall work out in some way. And yeah...

Whoever thought of the pickled egg thing must have been a sadistic cook at prison. Cheers Michele!!

Jay said...

Thoughts and prayers to Schmoop, Dave and their mom.

And pickled eggs? I couldn't possibly get drunk enough to eat those things. ;-)

MysteryChick said...

Pickled eggs were the beginning of the end of my marriage (ok, it was more than that but they didn't help)! Nasty!

Will you send me an Easter Egg when they're done?

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...eggs are already porno...

MysteryChick said...

Shit! I'm an idiot. Give Shmoopand her brother my best. My mother also has Alzheimers and it sucks.

Mike said...

Pickled eggs - smelly going in, smellier coming out.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Thanks Jay, and no kiddin'. And here you thought Schmoop was so damn normal. Cheers Jay!!

Chick: Pickled eggs are satanic. Sure I'll send you and egg, but I don't know how well it will travel. And thanks for thoughts. Cheers and Nite, Chick!!

Pjfrankie: What!? I love eggs...Scrambled, Fried, Soft Boiled, anything but pickled. You speak heresy. Cheers P-Man!!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Fortunately, the fan in the bathroom is strong and I usually have one going on in the living room as well. Cheers Mike!!

Scott Oglesby said...

My great aunt had dementia. It started in her late 80’s and she lived to 93. While it was heartbreaking it was also pretty funny sometimes. She’d think I was her dad and ask me to drive her to school. She’d stare in the mirror for hours and keep asking why the old women in the window was staring at her.

Sometimes though, I’d give her two glasses of wine and we’d sit for hours and talk. And since she really did think she was 16 at the time, it was entertaining and enlightening as hell.

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Ha...I undertsand what you're syaing. Everything has a silver lining of some sort if one looks hard enough. Cheers Scott!!

Doc said...

Ewww I am going to have the image of those eggs in my head the rest of the day.

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Sorry, but as they say, "misery loves company", so I thought I'd pass along the picture. Cheers Doc!!

Charlene said...

Tis true that eggs are porno; give it a thought. The womb outside the womb and to think, we eat those things frequently! A little practical forgetfulness works I say.

I have never eaten a pickled egg. Since I can't stand boiled eggs unless they are in egg salad I don't see me eating any. Since I've only been drunk once in my life, I will not ever be drunk enough to eat 'em.

Irene said...

Beet Juice? Hell no!

amazing how Schmoops Mom remembers you.Tough disease to deal with for the loved ones.

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: I can get pass the womb thing like you said. A little cheese on top always helps, and it sounds as though you have the pickled egg thing solved. Egg Sald rules!! Cheers Charlene!!

Irene: I know. Eggs soaked in beet juice. WTF? And yeah, it's tough, but not nothing that can't be gotten through. Cheers Irene!!

You can Call me AL said...

WTF Matt-Man!
Pickled eggs are awesome! especially Home made hot and spicy... Damn I love those, drunk or sober!

As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to make a batch today and enjoy them for Easter. The plus side to them is the unbelievable odoriferous farts later. I can wake the wife out of comma or put her in one with those basement bombs! Even the dog gags!

Matt-Man said...

Al: Damn...You and Schmoop should get together and have a pickled egg free-for-all. I'm glad to know that you can torment your wife with the side effects, but dude? Cheers Al!!

Karen said...

I will keep Schmoop, Dave and mom in my thoughts. We went through a similar thing with my Gram and it isn't fun stuff.

But pickled eggs are the greatest. I make in the summer. yummy!

Matt-Man said...

Karen: Sorry to hear that and thanks, but c'mon...Pickled Eggs? Cheers Karen!!

Dianne said...

so Matthew how are ya?

I am thinking of Schmoop and her bro and most of all her Mom

it ain't easy

Matt-Man said...

Di: I know it ain't but I appreciate your comment Di, and i know Schmoop does as well. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

I love pickled eggs.


I'll include Schmoops mom in my prayers. Dementia and Alzhiemers are assholes.

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: Thanks on the mom thing Marilyn, but not so much on the pickled egg thing. Cheers!!