Saturday, April 17, 2010

I'm A Fucking Genius

It’s a cool but gorgeously sunny Saturday in Bagwine, Ohio, and I am working 11-9.

I don’t mind working on Saturdays because people tip well on Saturdays and more importantly, people who come through are in a good mood.

I like happy people. I like being around people who are happy. Happiness makes me happy. Just like gonorrhea, happiness is infectious.

Anyhoo…

I have a couple of random thoughts before I depart for my shift at the Beer Mine.

Tomorrow I am putting up my first advertisement on Bagwine. I don’t put much crap on my sidebar. I like simplicity and unclutteredness. However…

Long time Bagwine buddy and funny woman Marilyn runs her own business, and I wanted to offer what little help and promotion I could, so I told her to send me an artsy link button.

She sent me one, and tomorrow I shall post it prominently upon the sidebar of my beloved Bagwine Ruminations page.

It may help her. After all, yesterday my site had 1248 first time visitors and nearly 2,000 page views, and you know why?

Because of that stupid Heidi Montag/Megan Fox Naked post I did some time ago. Ha.


They weren’t even naked on my site and yet the Googles directed horny men and women to my site through searches.

I’m a fucking genius.

Did you know that some companies make wheelchairs for dogs? I was astounded to find this out.

Dogs today have Chef Michael food, orthopedic beds, and wheelchairs. I’m thinking to myself, how I can get into the pussification of dogs business?

I came up with a great idea. I’m going to have sex with chicks, get them pregnant, and raise and train the children as, are you ready for this?

Seeing Eye Humans for Blind Dogs!! Once again, I’m a fucking genius.

If any of you ladies out there want to help me get the business off the ground, let me know; we’ll have sex. And remember…

"Every time we fuck, a blind dog gets his sight back."

And there you have it folks. My gift to you on this wonderful April Saturday.


Have fun, drink a lot, and have plenty of sex, after all…

There’s a blind dog out there who needs you to cum.

Cheers!!

10 comments:

Charlene said...

There was a podcast on the whole American pussification of dogs thing that I recently listened to. The man wrote a book on the subject and is evidently cleaning up!

As to the new link button for your friend. Is the product your friend sells someting horny men will want? SMILE

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: I bet he is. I'm always late to the party but this Seeing Eye Human thing may be my ticket to wealth, and more importantly, to unlimited sex!!

Marilyn is a sign maker. She's really good and her arid wit has always made me laugh and that is why I have always dug her so. Cheers Charlene!!

Michele said...

How about I link to your link for a little link sex?

Jay said...

I'm not sure about this idea. How will the dogs pay? They usually don't have jobs and they don't have pockets, so they can't carry their wallet. I mean, I'm sure there's some government program for them cause they're hadicapp .. uh .. sight impaired, but I doubt it would be enough.

Wait, I've got it! Just hire yourself a lobbyist to get the feds to add your service to medicaid. That will work. I'm a freaking genius too! LOL ;-)

Scott Oglesby said...

Damn, you are off the reservation today aren’t cha? That’s a whole lot of views for your site there buddy. You should put up some adsence, just to make a buck or two a day…why not. I’ll have to switch over from wordpress or I would have done it a long time ago.


Never underestimate people’s love for their pets……

Mrs. D said...

Someone here in my town has a dog w/a wheelchair. It's pretty pathetic looking, but the little guy just goes flying down the street with it. (His front legs are fine.) Scott's right, people love their pets.

Marilyn said...

The first half of the post left me thinking, "Matt-man is the nicest man in the whole world"...the second half...

I can make signs for horny men... how about, "will work for sex". That could be popular.

Have I said thank you? If I have I haven't said it loud enough. THANK YOU!

David said...

I'm eagerly anticipating your proposals for caring for blind pussies around the country...nay, around the world - think big.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Oooo Baby, let's link it up. Cheers Michele!!

Jay: Ha. Good idea. You are a fucking genius!! Cheers Jay!!

Scott: I was so amused when I saw those numbers. I mean, I concentrate on getting views rather than comments, but wow. And I know people love their pets but in my opinion some go overboard. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

D: Yeah I know they do. But as you said, pathetic looking. Oh well, that's their business, not mine. Cheers D!!

Marilyn: I'd wear a sandwich board sign that said that and walk all over town, and please...You need not thank me. Your wry and dry comments are thanks enough. Cheers Marilyn!!

David: Are we talking about blind cats or blind women? Cheers David!!