It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday so slip me into a yellow raincoat and call me Noah, ‘cause we are gonna be getting buckets o’ rain today.
I am off today and have the car in order to run a couple of errands so I’ll be hydroplaning all over Bagwine today.
It sucks having the car on my days off because it means that I have to pick Schmoop up from work which in turn means I have to stay somewhat sober. God I hate that. Sobriety so harshes my reality.
If God was my co-pilot would he frown upon me copping a feel from a big titted flight attendant? I say no. I think he likes tits too.
If I was God, every chick would have ginormous boobs and I would have two dozen hands and a mouth that was not constricted by a jaw with a limited hinge. I’d have a mouth that could open up like a snake’s.
Speaking of snakes, there are some damn snakes in my life. Jay, Dana, Mrs. D, Mrs. JCC, Doc, Evil Twin’s Wife and others. I hate ‘em. Hate ‘em all. Those fuckers got me hooked on Twitter. I’m addicted to Twitter. I’m Twitterdicted!!
Bastards. Gonna keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on dancing’ all through the night. I’m gonna keep on, keep on, keep on doing it riiiight. Those Brady kids were musical geniuses. Or would that be genii? I think technically the plural is genii but no one uses it.
Oh well…Jeebus Christ. If I have to sit through that damn Staples commercial where the guy screams, “Wow…That’s a low price!!!” again, I’m going to shove hot knitting needles into my ears until the drums burst. Oh the humanity!!
Speaking of ears…I can’t hear very well. Schmoop gives me shit about it all the time. I think maybe I don’t hear her because I willfully listen to only half of what the hell she says. But there are times when I think my hearing is going kaput.
Right after the volcano in Iceland blew its wad of liquid hot magma, I had the TV on and heard a reporter say, “Planes throughout Europe are being grounded due to a huge volcanic Ass Clown over the continent.”
I thinking…an ass clown over Europe? What the fuck? It wasn’t until I turned the sound up that I realized the reporter was saying, “ash cloud.” I was so bummed. Ouch. I just sneezed and think I may have pulled my groin. Damn.
Tim Tebow was drafted by the Denver Broncos. I wonder if he will cry as much in that high altitude. Maybe the high and dry altitude will dry up his tears. One can hope.
I’m craving a big thick hamburger.
I may have to hit Rally’s this weekend. A couple of Mushroom and Swiss burgers sound really good. Then again, well, oh hell I don’t know. What?
La la…When it’s time to change you’ve got to rearrange…who you are into what you wanna be. Man, I always wanted hose Jan Brady when I was a kid. Mike Brady of course, wanted to hose Peter. Go lay down Corky.
Anyhoo…I am out of here. If I’m not around it’s a-cause Ima doing my shit, or…because I’m wasting time on that damn Twitter. Fuckers.