Friday, April 23, 2010

Streaming Friday

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday so slip me into a yellow raincoat and call me Noah, ‘cause we are gonna be getting buckets o’ rain today.

I am off today and have the car in order to run a couple of errands so I’ll be hydroplaning all over Bagwine today.

It sucks having the car on my days off because it means that I have to pick Schmoop up from work which in turn means I have to stay somewhat sober. God I hate that. Sobriety so harshes my reality.

If God was my co-pilot would he frown upon me copping a feel from a big titted flight attendant? I say no. I think he likes tits too.

If I was God, every chick would have ginormous boobs and I would have two dozen hands and a mouth that was not constricted by a jaw with a limited hinge. I’d have a mouth that could open up like a snake’s.

Speaking of snakes, there are some damn snakes in my life. Jay, Dana, Mrs. D, Mrs. JCC, Doc, Evil Twin’s Wife and others. I hate ‘em. Hate ‘em all. Those fuckers got me hooked on Twitter. I’m addicted to Twitter. I’m Twitterdicted!!

Bastards. Gonna keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on dancing’ all through the night. I’m gonna keep on, keep on, keep on doing it riiiight. Those Brady kids were musical geniuses. Or would that be genii? I think technically the plural is genii but no one uses it.

Oh well…Jeebus Christ. If I have to sit through that damn Staples commercial where the guy screams, “Wow…That’s a low price!!!” again, I’m going to shove hot knitting needles into my ears until the drums burst. Oh the humanity!!

Speaking of ears…I can’t hear very well. Schmoop gives me shit about it all the time. I think maybe I don’t hear her because I willfully listen to only half of what the hell she says. But there are times when I think my hearing is going kaput.

Right after the volcano in Iceland blew its wad of liquid hot magma, I had the TV on and heard a reporter say, “Planes throughout Europe are being grounded due to a huge volcanic Ass Clown over the continent.”

I thinking…an ass clown over Europe? What the fuck? It wasn’t until I turned the sound up that I realized the reporter was saying, “ash cloud.” I was so bummed. Ouch. I just sneezed and think I may have pulled my groin. Damn.

Tim Tebow was drafted by the Denver Broncos. I wonder if he will cry as much in that high altitude. Maybe the high and dry altitude will dry up his tears. One can hope.

I’m craving a big thick hamburger.

I may have to hit Rally’s this weekend. A couple of Mushroom and Swiss burgers sound really good. Then again, well, oh hell I don’t know. What?

La la…When it’s time to change you’ve got to rearrange…who you are into what you wanna be. Man, I always wanted hose Jan Brady when I was a kid. Mike Brady of course, wanted to hose Peter. Go lay down Corky.

Anyhoo…I am out of here. If I’m not around it’s a-cause Ima doing my shit, or…because I’m wasting time on that damn Twitter. Fuckers.



JCC said...

And I hate you too. Thanks for the shout-out though. And go pick up Schmoop.

Michele said...

Twitter is almost as big of a time suck as Stumble Upon. Which I love and can't seem to stop. It's like crack for me. Off to stumble.

Jay said...

We're all gonna have a tworgy! haha

I want everyone associated with that Staple commercial to die a very painful death. And soon.

Matt-Man said...

JCC: Anytime...Maybe schmoop should walk home. A walk in the rain is good for the soul. Cheers JCC!!

Michele: I used to go on Stumble alot, but haven't been stumbling through it in quite awhile. Enjoy your crack. Cheers Michele!!

Jay: Is that one of the most god awful commercials evah? Oy!! Here's to the forthcoming tworgy, and thanks for the info you sent. Cheers Jay!!

Anonymous said...

Oh come on, you love twitter!

Matt-Man said...

D: It's fun, but I am sure I shall becomed bored with it. At least I hope that is the case. Cheers D!!

Mike said...

I'm not an early adopter. I just got on facebook. Twitter? Maybe in a couple of years.

Scott Oglesby said...

No way would I want every woman to have big breasts, and not only because the smaller ones hold up better over time….but because variety is the spice of life.

My hearing is the same as yours. But the only things I can’t hear are my wife (I think it’s her tone…or pitch….whatever the hell) and some stuff on TV. So I’m not too worried about it.

Stephen King has written that we’ll go out with not a bang, but a whimper. These volcanos may be the thing to do it. If Katla and a few others go, it would plunge the world into a nuclear winter. This maybe what happened in The Road I think.

Desert Rat said...

There was a film short at the Telluride Film Festival a few years back called, "Solilochairliftquist," and in it a guy essentially rides up a chairlift and his narrative is total stream-of-consciousness. It was fabulous.

Your Streaming Friday made me think of that. Big Fun!

Small breasts stay perky *much* longer than their larger sisters. Not fair, I know, but it is what it is.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I know what you mean. I had both a Facebook and Twitter account for nearly a year and just recently started using them. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: I dig big breastesses, but I hate it when chicks expect reciprocity of size where my manhood is concerned. I hope we can both hear the big bang when it comes. Cheers Scott!!

Rat: Ha...Here's to all boobies. Have a safe trip and have a wunnerful time. Cheers Rat!!

Dianne said...

Ass Clowns Over Europe would be a great name for a band

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Ha. Yes it would. Have a lovely Friday, lovely one. Cheers Di!!

Phfrankie Bondo said... their video they're all wearing ass hats, I assume.....

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. Earlier I called you sublime, and now? I refer to you as Mr. Obvious. Cheers P-Man!!

Dana said...

Just so you know, Jay is a Twitter pusher! He gets everyone to "just try it" and before you know it you are in need of a Twittervention.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Some guys (ahem, the Evil Twin) love the big boobs. Especially when they start to get that "hang" goin' on. :-)

Matt-Man said...

Dana: He is a pusher. It's always the quiet nice ones, who say, "Go ahead, one time won't hurt you." Cheers Dana!!

Evil: And he would be correct. 'Cause they hang just so, and are perfectly and sexily placed. Cheers ETW!!

Marilyn said...

I do wish the girls were holding up over time... size does have its drawbacks.

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: Eh...They're all beautiful. I kid because I love, and when I say that, I mean it. Cheers Marilyn!!

Charlene said...

Talk about not hearing things right, I was listening to a radio show the other afternoon and they had Waylon Jennings on talking abou this new CD of songs he wrote and performs. The announcer said he was 83 years old. I got to thinking, he can't be 83! So, I made an effort to listen to the rebroadcast later in the evening and he's 73. I swear I heard 83 though.

I haven't been hearing ass for ash though but maybe I don't drink enough?

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: The funny least in this case...Waylon is dead. Just sayin'. Cheers Charlene!!

David said...

It is kind of karma-esque or at least a ying/yang thing that the big boobs get all the attention when young but the smaller ones get the attention later for their remaining firmness. As for myself, I've generally be of the school of thought that more than a mouthful is kind of wasted.

I know that burger craving - just yesterday I met friends for happy hour and half-price good juicy burgers at our favorite watering hole...yum yum.

Hope you've survived all that rain - it is allegedly heading our way today.