Friday, May 21, 2010

Bagwine Reflections

“Brevity is the soul of wit…”
--Polonius...Hamlet, Act II Scene II

“When writing humor or satire, toss in the word, “fuck.” It never fails to fucking crack me up.”
--Matt-Man...Every fucking day

Tomorrow will be the last day of year four of Bagwine Ruminations. As I am working all day Saturday, I thought today would be a good day to reflect.

It has been fun and more than a bit challenging at times to put something at least somewhat humorous or thought provoking out every day. However, and fortunately…

The Creator has endowed me with a ginormous sense of humor, which is only fair, because the omnipotent fucker sure as hell shafted me on penis length.

Over the past four years and 1,500+ posts, much like my gonorrhea, I have tried to spread my humor to as many people as possible.

What have we learned over these past four years from this site? Sarah Palin is an idiot. The far left and the far right are comprised of morons, and more importantly and fortunately for me, stupid never takes a holiday.

And my friends, what have we learned about my favorite subject...me?

Many things. I dig chicks with big tits. I absolutely love Wild Irish Rose, and we have learned that my most frequent sex partner is my hand.


In fact, I jacked off three times before going to work yesterday.

Once to a picture of Tyra Banks naked. Once to a memory of a chick I banged in college, and during the last and best autoerotic massage, I was staring at this image:

Sweet Baby Jeebus, that is one fucking sexy looking burger. Hardee’s? You RAWK!!

Anyhoo…I think we have learned that I write halfway goodly. I have some comedic moments, and I have no problem saying what is on my mind.

Not everyone appreciates my honesty, but you know what? Fuck em’. I am honest about my fallacies, failures, and fuck-ups so deal with it, all of you chuckleheads of whom I make fun.

We have also learned that I’ll write about anything and in any genre. Hell, just yesterday, longtime Bagwine buddy Dana said that this picture made her think of me:
I’m not sure that that accurately describes me. After all, I rarely write tragedies. But, this leads me to something else.

It’s been a pleasure interacting with all of you guyz and galz. Many of you are like Dana.


She has a knack for knowing when I am in a good mood and then in some form or fashion, calls me an asshole to bring me down.

I like that. Oh sure, Schmoop calls me an asshole, but she typically calls me an asshole everyday, so when you guys do it, it means so much more. I thank you for that.

‘Cause, while I am a pretty nice guy, I can be crass and can be an asshole. I guess you could call me a crasshole.

But, to all of you…I thank you for spending part of your past four years with me. I hope that year five of Bagwine Ruminations remains as drunk as it has in the past.

And with a little luck, year five will hold a couple of surprises.

Have a lovely Friday, and as always…

Cheers!!

27 comments:

Mike said...

"sure as hell shafted me on penis length"

So ... when people mention you and the words 'big prick', they must not be talking about your anatomy, right?

Schmoop, is that right?

Matt-Man said...

Mike: You need not ask Schmoop, I can confirm it for you. Schmoop would probably say, "It's Cute." Cheers Mike!!

Scott Oglesby said...

Fuck is the funnest verb, adjective and noun in the English-ish language.

And I totally feel you on the penis length. And girth. And existence. All that.

My favorite ‘music to the beat’ is past partners. It’s like you can put yourself right back in there…ummm!

Congrats on the milestone Matt!!

I may email you later..

Michele said...

It is so sweet that you gave your hand a...well.."hand". That is some real love right there.

I'm looking forward to year five. You did say surprises? I love surprises.

Micky-T said...

Yes, what a long strange trip it's been.

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Yes it is and as you point out it is such a versatile word. I'm sorry to hear that you too suffer from the Irish. Look forward to your email. I have so little. Cheers Scott!!

Michele: I always give credit where credit is due. And here's to surprises. Have a lovely weekend. Cheers Michele!!

Doc said...

Happy Anniversary Matt-Man!

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Thanks my good man. Have a wunnerful weekend. Cheers Doc!!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: How the hell did I miss you? It has been fun for the most part, no? Here's to Sarah. Cheers Mick!!

leelee said...

Happy Anniversary Matt...you fucking rawk!

HUGS!!

Matt-Man said...

Leelee: Awwwww. How sweet of you to pop in. Thanks. Have an incredibly lovely weekend. Cheers Leelee!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...that Hardee's burger picture could be a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition centerfold!...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Damn right. And they could pair it up with a huge ass chili dog. I think I need to excuse myself now. Cheers P-Man!!

David said...

Hey Matt-Man

Congrats on the four great years. I wasn't around for the beginning but now I wouldn't miss a day. Bagwine is the first of my rss feeds I click on.

Keep on surprising, shocking and amusing us with your wonderful wit...if you can continue to squeeze in the writing time between j/o-ing 'that cute little thing' and some burger lovin'. Which reminds me of a quote from one of my gay friends "Bigger isn't always better but it is usually more exciting".

Cheers

Matt-Man said...

David: Why thanks and I shall try to "keep it up", as it were. Eh, a true artist works with what he has, that is why I developed such good tongue skillz. Ha.

Thanks for reading and all of the the funny comments you bring. Cheers David!!

Karen said...

Thanks for making us laugh and think from time to time, Asshole. ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Karen: HA. I like that. Thanks Karen, and now...go put on a pair of SLACKS. Cheers Karen!!

Mrs. D said...

Happy Anniversary Matt! You are my favorite crasshole ever :-)

Matt-Man said...

D: Ha...Why thank you. Dontcha just love that word? I should copyright it. Cheers D and thanks for all of the comments!!

Jetsa said...

Cheers with Kosher Wine to many more years! And what length makes the crossover to an acceptable penis length from the shameful one?

Matt-Man said...

Jetsa: You raise a good point. I guess a good dick is whatever makes ya happy. But seriously, kosher wine? I don't think so. CHeers Sexy!!

Warrior_Kat said...

That Hardee's burger looks yummy! I haven't had one of those since I was a kid. We don't have Hardee's where I live now. I wish we did.

Ole'!

Warrior_Kat said...

I almost forgot, one more thing. I love the term chucklehead. Oh yeah, and I don't think you're a crasshole. You may say some crass things sometimes, but is still think you rock! ;-)

Jay said...

Here's to four more years of assholiness! ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Warior: Well thanks...I CAN be a jerk, but I try to keep it to a minimum. Thanks for the comment, it was nice. Cheers WK!!

Jay: I hope so, ya jerk. ; ) Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...

Hey! It's Saturday!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Nothing gets by you. Cheers Mike!!