Friday, July 02, 2010

The 4th of July Weekend: Let's Kick It, America!!

I received an e-mail the other day requesting a 4th of July themed nugget of history that I once wrote.

Said person, in part, wrote to me:

I have never forgotten that history thing you wrote about Patrick Henry when he was a kid and the end of the American Revolution. It just struck me funny and I was swallowing some coffee at the time, and it came out my nose.

It hurt you bastard!!


So in order to make amends to her, I shall repost it at her request…

In 1748, Patrick Henry was only 12 years old when he uttered a phrase that foreshadowed something similar he would eloquently bellow some 27 years later.

At the time, Henry was slight, had a high pitched voice, and unlike his young friends at the time, had not developed any male sex characteristics.

His friends teased him mercilessly about this.

One day, after a particularly severe razzing from his colonial buddies, young Patrick stretched his arms toward the heavens, and through tear filled eyes screamed in his girly voice:


“Give me puberty, or give me death!!”

Ha…Kinda funny but not sure it is coffee out the nose material. What follows is the second item she mentioned…

The successful conclusion to the American Revolution came when General George Patton defeated Che Guevara at the Battle of Hastings forcing the Persian army to surrender.

Upon Guevara’s surrender to Patton’s forces, Frederick the Great was compelled to recognize our nation’s independence from the government of Madagascar by signing the Treaty of Honolulu.

Signing on behalf of the fledgling United States of America was of course our founding father and future President, William McKinley.


Sadly, McKinley would be assassinated some 120 years later by Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme.

Now see? I find that one funny because I am a history nut, and because I am of course, a moron.

While I was searching my site for these nuggets of knowledge, I came across something that is timely, and it made me smile.

Ladies and Gentlemen…Singing the Star Spangled Banner, my friend, the incredibly kind and uber-lovely, Desert Rat:



Man, that is so nice. Here’s to ya Rat!!

I am hanging out with Ryno today, so in case I don’t “see” ya before the 4th of July, I say unto thee…

Have a wild, wacky, and most importantly, safe 4th of July.

Happy 234th Birthday America!!

Cheers!!

14 comments:

Average Chick said...

Happy 4th to you too! Love the history lessons! No beer through the nose but I learned something :)

Matt-Man said...

Average: Right back atcha, and the historical facts are just that...facts. Have a great weekend, AC. Cheers!!

Jay said...

If you'll promise to pretend that slavery never happened, or at least claim that American slaves were well fed, clothed, housed and educated, then the state of Texas will hire you to write their history books.

Mike said...

The Rat has vibrado! Rat, my son's band needs a singer really bad. How soon can you get here?

Scott Oglesby said...

I’m really glad that I had decided to come here for all of my history lessons Matt; it turns out that I had a bunch of separate events and dates all muddles up together. I was thinking that Paul Revere was the one who got laid when he said, “the British are coming..”

And I thought that Che Guevara was the guy who told Mr. Gorbachev to “tear down this wall.”

Dessert Rat is not only beautiful she also talented? God made us an angel!

Happy Fourth!

Doc said...

Have a grerat 4th Mahoney!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: It's sounds tempting Jay, but I unlike the Texas State Board of Education I must remain true to historical accuracy. Happy 4th Jay. Cheers!!

Rat: Not an easy to do and she did it well didn't she. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: I am glad I could help see throgh the murky and muddled waters of history, and yeah...

Rat is something, however Angel is not something comes to mind. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Ha. You enjoy saying my last name dontcha? Have a wunnerful long weekend Doc. Cheers!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...truly a wunnerful version of "Banner"...

The Banners would be a good name...no, it wouldn't...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Yeah, I thought she did a wonderful job. The Banners wouldn't be a bad name for a late 50's doo-wop group. Cheers P-Man!!

Dana said...

I really do hope she put the coffee down before reading this time!

And Desert Rat? She put a big smile on my face - in a good way!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Ha...I thought it was funny, but only kinda, although the more I think about it, the puberty line is kinda spontaneously funny.

Yeah, Rat did a good job, and I love her smile and Amen at the end. Cheers Dana!!

The Dish said...

Safe? It ain't the fourth of July if no one blows off a finger!

The Dish said...

Oh, The Husband works in the ER, you should hear some of the dumb shit people do!