I received an e-mail the other day requesting a 4th of July themed nugget of history that I once wrote.
Said person, in part, wrote to me:
I have never forgotten that history thing you wrote about Patrick Henry when he was a kid and the end of the American Revolution. It just struck me funny and I was swallowing some coffee at the time, and it came out my nose.
It hurt you bastard!!
So in order to make amends to her, I shall repost it at her request…
In 1748, Patrick Henry was only 12 years old when he uttered a phrase that foreshadowed something similar he would eloquently bellow some 27 years later.
At the time, Henry was slight, had a high pitched voice, and unlike his young friends at the time, had not developed any male sex characteristics.
His friends teased him mercilessly about this.
One day, after a particularly severe razzing from his colonial buddies, young Patrick stretched his arms toward the heavens, and through tear filled eyes screamed in his girly voice:
“Give me puberty, or give me death!!”
Ha…Kinda funny but not sure it is coffee out the nose material. What follows is the second item she mentioned…
The successful conclusion to the American Revolution came when General George Patton defeated Che Guevara at the Battle of Hastings forcing the Persian army to surrender.
Upon Guevara’s surrender to Patton’s forces, Frederick the Great was compelled to recognize our nation’s independence from the government of Madagascar by signing the Treaty of Honolulu.
Signing on behalf of the fledgling United States of America was of course our founding father and future President, William McKinley.
Sadly, McKinley would be assassinated some 120 years later by Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme.
Now see? I find that one funny because I am a history nut, and because I am of course, a moron.
While I was searching my site for these nuggets of knowledge, I came across something that is timely, and it made me smile.
Ladies and Gentlemen…Singing the Star Spangled Banner, my friend, the incredibly kind and uber-lovely, Desert Rat:
Man, that is so nice. Here’s to ya Rat!!
I am hanging out with Ryno today, so in case I don’t “see” ya before the 4th of July, I say unto thee…
Have a wild, wacky, and most importantly, safe 4th of July.
We are in the middle of a Health Care Reform and economic crisis folks and what does President Obama plan on doing about it?
Hopping aboard Air Force One and flying off to wonderful, wonderful, Copenhagen…Yep, his wife Michelle is already in Denmark, and the President will be flying there tonight.
Why is President Obama traipsing off to the land of Hans Christian Andersen, Heidi Zadeh, and Havarti?
He is trying to influence the International Olympic Committee in their decision as to what city will host the 2016 Summer Olympics.
The Obamas are trying to rally support and votes from the IOC in hopes that Chicago will be chosen to be that host city.
I dig that…but others? Not so much.
Loons on right wing talk radio and cable are going nuts.
House GOP Leader John Boehner (R-OH) and GOP Chairman Michael “Distempered” Steele are saying President Obama should stay in Washington, D.C. and focus on more pressing problems, such as Health Care Reform and jobs.
Steele, Boehner, and right wing talking heads? Get off your podium of stupid and please restrain yourselves from trying to make political gold out of an also-ran issue. Seriously…you look stupid.
If Obama can help bring the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago, U.S.A., what the hell is wrong with that? Hello? Anyone, Anyone? Bueller?
I really don’t think Obama going to wonderful, wonderful, Copenhagen is going to make or break any progress on any Health Care Reform or job creation plan that Steele or Boehner really don’t give a shit about anyway.
And listen…It’s 2009 and not 1901, and Obama is not William McKinley. In this day and age, we have planes and everything. Yes we do, fellas!!
It’s not as though it’s late July 1901 and Obama is President McKinley hopping aboard the ocean liner, Fürst Bismarck.
And then, as McKinley would have, steam to Hamburg in order to address the IOC in hopes of bringing the 1912 Olympics to Buffalo.
After meeting with the IOC, McKinley then would have to steam back to the States, hop on a train, and arrive in Buffalo a month after his departure on September 6th, 1901.
Of course McKinley would have to break the news to hopeful Buffalonians that the IOC had awarded the 1912 Olympics to Stockholm.
Of course upon hearing the bad news, Leon Czolgosz would be so depressed that he would shoot McKinley twice at point blank range, and McKinley would die eight days later. You see…
Czolgosz was not only an Anarchist, he was a world class triple jumper, but with the news, his Olympic hopes were forever dashed.
He would then take his depression out on McKinley in the form of hot lead. Perhaps ol' Leon should have entered a shooting event.
Fortunately, that is not how it is today…Obama is going to be gone about 24 hours…if that. He has a plane, computers, and other nifty gadgets. Yes he does, fellas!!
He will only be out of town for a few hours and after that, Boehner, Steele, and his ilk can go back to doing nothing while Obama is in town, rather than whining while he is out of town.
If Obama can help bring the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chi-Town, what the hell is the problem with that? Jeebus Christ ya phony fucks. Quit makin’ an issue out of it.
Oh…one word to President O-Man. If you get a chance, my man, look up Heidi Zadeh and ask her the following for me…
The month of June is drawing to an end, and with it, so is our painting…finally.
I just want to post one more hodgepodgical entry before I finish up the paint job and get back to writing some serious funny business on the internets.
I posted a couple of pictures of Ryno and I yesterday. I have one more to throw out there for your enjoyment…
Have you ever seen a son look upon his dad more lovingly, adoring, and bemused as you see Ryno looking upon moi?
Of course not. Why is he so captured with me on a summer Sunday evening?
Well, because seconds before his mom took this picture I said the following…
“Hey Ryno, I bet that instead of using a backhoe to dig the grave of Billy Mays, the groundskeepers will use the Awesome Auger!!”
Ha. Like minds…Like senses of humor. I dig that.
Anyhoo. I must get to painting again. Tomorrow I will begin a four day celebration of our Nation’s 233rd Birthday.
Over the next few days, I will offer up some lesser known facts about our country’s history.
For instance…In 1748, Patrick Henry was only 12 years old when he uttered a phrase that foreshadowed something similar he would eloquently bellow some 27 years later.
At the time Henry was slight, had a high pitched voice, and unlike his young friends at the time, had not developed any male sex characteristics.
His friends teased him mercilessly about this.
One day, after a particularly severe razzing from his colonial buddies, young Patrick stretched his arms toward the heavens, and through tear filled eyes screamed in his girly voice:
“Give me puberty, or give me death!!”
I may also touch upon how the American Revolution truly ended.
The successful conclusion to the war came when General George Patton defeated Che Guevara at the Battle of Hastings forcing the Persian army to surrender.
Upon Guevara’s surrender to Patton’s forces, Frederick the Great was compelled to recognize our nation’s independence from the government of Madagascar by signing the Treaty of Honolulu.
Signing on behalf of the fledgling United States of America was of course our founding father, William McKinley.
Sadly, McKinley would be assassinated some 120 years later by Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme.
So there you have it, Bagwine Heads. Beginning tomorrow it’s Birthday Celebration Time, and we’re going to light a candle for America the rest of the week.
So in order to make amends to her, I shall repost it at her request…
