Monday, July 05, 2010

Love Is Where Urinals and Mullets Meet

It’s Sunday night and I just got back from my brother’s 4th of July party.

Ryno and I left early because I have to work 10-9 on Monday, but it was a blast…and a learning experience.

In fact, I have learned quite a bit of late…

First of all, while I have always known that my brother and his wife are good people, tonight while watching from a distance, I said to myself, “They are exceptional people.”

My brother Marty and his wife may be two of the kindest people in the world. And, they refinished their basement.

There’s a bathroom in the basement and Marty wanted this…

That’s right folks…in addition to the regular john, he wanted a urinal, and so it was. With a chalkboard above it; upon which I wrote the urinal comment…

I didn't write the above, "very chiec" comment. When I got home and told Schmoop about the urinal, Schmoop asked:

“Your brother is such a 12 year old, why does his wife put up with it?”

To which I said:

“She’s just as big a 12 year old as he is. She just hides it better.”

I also found out over the last couple of days that other than my BFF/OSP, Schmoop, Ryno may be my best friend.

Yes…I know I am his dad and that comes first, but man, he and I are like big pieces of genetic quilt squares sewn into a ginormous human mosaic of fun.

We kill each other…and as he has gotten older, he appreciates it as much, if not more, than I.

My brother Vince was at the party…

That’s right…Mr. Mullet Man was there, and he was “full of the holiday spirit.” At one point, Ryno saw that the half sauced Vinny was sitting down to eat by himself.

Vinny was looking around, to which I said to Ryno, “He’s probably looking for a napkin.” He was. Vinny went inside to get one.

Ryno pounced and said, “Dad we should hide his plate.” To which I said, “Oh, c’mon, that‘s not ni---okay, go boy.”

Ryno did, and for five minutes after Vinny came back out, he turned beet red and cussed as he looked for his plate of food. Ryno and I laughed.


And most importantly, we laughed between ourselves. Those jokes are best.

I also found out recently how resilient and adaptable Schmoop is. She acts like a hard ass but she is incredibly sweet.

We had a little bump in the road but then, we had make up sex. Here’s the result…


Yeah Baby!! Bruises don’t come without work, and trust me…I worked for those.


Well, actually, I just lay there, and she “earned” them. We do dig doing it cowgirl style!!

Anyhoo…One last thing.

A couple of my brothers asked me how the website was going. I said, “fine”. But then…

Three people whom I hardly know came to me to say basically the same thing…

“You make me laugh everyday. Keep it up.”

After the third one, my son looked at me with a smile and said:

“Wow Dad…I thought you were kidding about your writing. I guess people like you. That’s cool.”

I smiled, because seriously…could there be a bigger compliment coming from a 15 year old boy to his dad?

I don’t think so.

Enjoy your day off ‘cause I am working 10-9, you bastards. Seriously, enjoy one and all.

Cheers!!

17 comments:

Curious Chris said...

Let be the next to say 'you make me laugh every day'!

I'm with Phfrankie... having a great 5th (observed, of course) on the 4th!

Keep it up Matt-Man

Seams like that 'Cowgirl style' does leave a mark... Ouch

Matt-Man said...

Curious: What is with you and your names? Ha. I dig it. And yeah, she bruises easily, but it happens. Cheers "Chris"!!

Mike said...

"resilient and adaptable Schmoop"

You HAVE to have more pictures of Schmoop showing both of these things.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I believe that I would enjoy meeting your brother.

Scott Oglesby said...

Glad to hear that you had a nice Fourth, I did as well… even without cookout food and fireworks. That is an amazing thing to hear and especially in front of your son. A father dreams of a moment like that!

Hiding Vinny’s food is exactly what I’d do. Either that or keep hiding his beer.

Oh yea, and you had to take the shot of the urinal with piss in it huh?

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I don't have pictures but when I asked her why she was sore yesterday, she said, "Duh Mahoney, my kneecapse were in my ears." Cheers Mike!!

Nick: You'd fit in with the entire bunch of us Nick. Cheers!!

Scott: Yeah it was nice 'cause Ryno always refers to me lovingly as a "unfunny hack". Ha.

And of course, I had to take the pic with my pee in it. I wanted you to get the full effect. Cheers Scott!!

Michele said...

JR and the Boy would have thought the urinal was great.

I firmly believe that if you are a good parent your kids become less your child and more your friend as they get older. We are friends with our kids and I am friends with my mom. It feels really good.

Jay said...

I noticed that you took a pic of that urinal AFTER you pissed and BEFORE you flushed. Assuming you flushed. haha

Hiding a drunk guy's food? Now that's just mean. Well played Ryno!! ;-)

Winter said...

You know, it's the best thing ever when your kid thinks you're cool. Mine told someone yesterday, "My mom's a total bitch, but she's way cool. Your mom's just a mom." Kids. Lil bastards are awesome! ;)

Dana said...

As if the urinal wasn't unusual enough, a chalkboard above it??

And get poor Schmoop a pair of kneepads, or at least get some sympathy rug-burns on your ass to make it a little more fair!

Dianne said...

I love that you and Ryno get on so well
that kid rocks!!

sounds like a great day :)

Andy said...

Good to see you Matt and your boy Jimmy. Always fun!

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Yeah I think you're right and Ryno are becoming more and more like that every day.

Jay: Ha...well of course I did. My piss is so pretty, and the food? Yeah that was funny. Cheers Jay!!

Dana: What fun is a urinal w/o druken messages written on a chalkboard above it? And don't worry I have retributitive bite marks on me. Cheers Dana!!

Matt-Man said...

Winter: Zowie!! what a blast from the past, I hope you are well. And yeah, you beamed dintcha? Cheers Winter!!

Dianne: It was a very good time indeed. Hope your weekend was wunnerful as well. Cheers Sexy!!

Andy: Always great to see you funny man. Make sure you stop by the site tomorrow...You may see someone you know appearing on it. Cheers Anj!!

Matt-Man said...

Okay this is weird I responded to all of these comments after work last night and this morning? They be gone. WTF? Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed the read :)
Lu'

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Thanks buddy. Cheers Lu!!