Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Matt-Man: Things I Hate

Things I hate…

Brussels Sprouts.

Writer’s block.

Overcooked scrambled eggs. Undercooked, I can deal with…overcooked? Not so much.

Seeing little kids without parental supervision or love. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Football and Baseball announcers who never shut the fuck up and are compelled to point out the obvious.

Sean Hannity.

Rudeness.

Dirty ashtrays. I smoke. Schmoop smokes. But…I am constantly emptying the ashtrays. Can you say, OCD?

Those who say that people on unemployment just want benefits; they don’t want a job.

When the chain on the toilet handle breaks. That fucking irritates me to no end.

Keith Olbermann.

Arrogance.

Assholes who express racism, bigotry, or a general dislike for a group or groups of minorities.

Minorities who claim racism and bigotry because they are somehow dissed “by the man” when the reason is not because of race, but because they are an asshole.

Constipation. I can deal with diarrhea ‘cause I’m getting rid of shit. Shit stuck up in me, makes me angry…and uncomfortable.

Brussels Sprouts.

Writer’s Block.

Oh, one other thing…

I hate it when I repeat myself. It reminds me that I am aging.

Cheers!!

39 comments:

Mike said...

"announcers"

Me and the mute button are good friends.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I do the same as well Mike. I usually have the sound off when watching sports on TV. Cheers Mike!!

The Dish said...

I agree with the whole list. Especially the kids thing. I am a firm believer that just because you can have kids, doesn't mean that you should!

Matt-Man said...

Dish: I see it once in awhile at work it does piss me off....quite a bit. Cheers Dish!!

Mrs. D said...

Overcooked scrambled eggs are HORRIBLE, I agree 100%. I like them a touch undercooked. I also loathe bad parenting... very sad. I do loooove Brussels sprouts, though, so send them my way and I'll take care of 'em for you.

Matt-Man said...

Mrs D: Hey if you want brussel sprouts eat my share anytime you'd like. And scramabled eggs are oddly enough, a tough thing to get, "just right." Cheers D!!

MysteryChick said...

I'd like to add teenagers to that list along with Jesse Jackson and the Rev. Al Sharpton.

As an unemployed person I dare anyone to try to live on what the government gives us for "benefits". It is definitely NOT a good way to live.

I'm not sure about the Brussels sprouts, never had 'em but I'm with you on the rest.

Spellmeister Bondo said...

...I'll bet you can add to your list people who publicly correct those who misspell Brussels sprouts...

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Funny you said that, I was going to put Jesse Jackson on the list instead of Olbermann. Cheers Chick!!

Phfrankie: Yeah, the spelling police do irritate me...quite a bit, but I'll fix it for you. Cheers P-Man!!

Micky-T said...

I hate that you don't hate Glenn beck too.

Doc said...

Not a big fan of the sprouts either.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Hate Glenn Beck? How could I hate the unintentional comedic genius that is the Beck-Meister? Cheers Mick!!

Doc: They're disgusting. Cheers Doc!!

Desert Rat said...

My mother-in-law makes a wonderful casserole with Brussels sprouts - cheese, sour cream - delicious! Although, I really like them steamed with a bit of balsamic. :)

I hate also when I'm right in front of someone, we're having a conversation, and they answer their phone and then start talking, loudly, to that person and then give me a "look" like I should be quiet because they're on the phone.

Matt-Man said...

Rat: The casserole didn't convince me. If someone looks at me to keep it down in that situation I talk louder or in one case in a store check out line, I started singing. Fuck Em. Cheers Rat!!

Michele said...

Sports announcers that shout at me and each other. Let's all use our inside voices PLEASE!

Dana said...

I am so distraught! How can someone who loves Lima beans be anti Brussels sprouts??

On my next visit there will be sweet and sour, cashewed Brussels sprouts on the menu - I'm on a mission to change your mind!

Matt-Man said...

Michele: They should use their library voices. Cheers Michele!!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Nothing is changing my mind on that. There is no negotiation. Cheers Dana!!

Raquel's World said...

Sean Hannity...LOL But for some reason I listen to him often anyway and it usually just pisses me off.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Ha. I listen to him too. I watch Olbermann. I watch or listen to all the talking heads and loathe almost all of them both far left and far right. Cheers Raquel!!

Charlene said...

I like brussel sprouts and Keith Oberman. Constipation not so much.

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: Well one out of three ain't bad. Cheers Charlene!!

Jay said...

Sports announcers kill me. Tim McCarver saying things like "fundamentals are fundamental to the game of baseball." Really Tim? Great point.

Or Joe Buck calling a Super Bowl winning catch as if he was saying "Well, I'm kind of sleepy, I guess I'll call it night."

Sports announcers suck almost as bad as political pundits. And both of them are wrong most of the time too.

Also Brussels Sprouts suck.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I know you had to mention it but the name Tim McCarver is unwelcome in this household. I, Schmoop, and Schmoop's brother hate that man. I once heard him say:

"When you have a runner on third, you want to get him home."

Really, Tim? I thought you would want to strand him on third base. What a dick.

Cheers Jay!!

Beth said...

I hate liver, especially mine.

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: Ha...And anymore, your liver hates you, so does your uterus. Zoves and Cheers!!

Beth said...

It's pure disrespect is what it is.

Matt-Man said...

Beth: Well...Tell Syd to do the right thing and off himself. The little, bloody bastard. Zoves and Cheers!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I've never eaten a Brussels sprout. They just look suspicious. I love Glenn Beck. :-)

Micky-T said...

I'm so glad you guys are still talking, in public at least!

Matt-Man said...

Evil: You like Beck because you think he's insightful or because you find hin to be a moron...there's a HUGE difference. Cheers ETW!!

Micky: Who? Schmoop and I or me and Glenn Beck? Cheers Mick!!

Micky-T said...

OMG I just puked up a little... you used the word insightful in a sentence with Glenn beck, and even though I know you were only asking a question, it still brought up bile to the back of my throat.
Schmoop, isn't she kicking your ass to windward? j/k ha ha ha....I like that line though,kicking your ass to windward. That's a keeper.

Mandy said...

One of the local radio talk show hosts calls him: "Keith OBAMArman"

Andy said...

Ann Coulter; mean people, ditto for weak fucks who hurt kids. Did I mention Ann Coulter?

Matt-Man said...

Andy: Ann Coulter blows and another thing...She's a Man, Baby!! Cheers Anj!!

David said...

My parents hated brussel sprouts so when I was a kid I was probably the only one in the school cafeteria who was pleased to see them on the lunch menu.

Now liver - I practially puke just smelling it being cooked. YUCK!

I must say I'm curious about what kind of meeting requires the beer mine owner and staff attendance out of town....hmmm

Matt-Man said...

David: Liver RAWKS!! Just don't ever make it in a crockpot. Cheers David!!

Anonymous said...

Yeppers! but mostly 5!
Lu'

~Isobel~DingoDoll said...

I hate Pat Robertson. Actually, Matt-Man that is how I found you. I googled the words "fuck you Pat Robertson" and found the Bagwine :) pat Robertson didn't die, but I'm still getting my moneys worth from you!