Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Burnt Offerings

It’s going to be a hot and humid Sabbath here in Bagwine, Ohio today.

The humidity is going to be higher than the number of spirochetes swimming around in Lindsay Lohan’s bodily fluids.

There is also a chance of severe thunderstorms this afternoon, so if Schmoop’s basement is done flooding, there may be thunderstorm sex…

If I am able, that is. You see…

It was really busy at the Beer Mine yesterday as soon as I opened, and again from about 5 P.M until I closed at 9 P.M., but…

From about 1:30 to 4:30 or so, it was merely sporadic.

So, since it was a hot and sunny day, I sat out front much of the time soaking up some rays as I listened to the radio.

Needless to say, the Matt-Man’s head got a little fried…

My head is so fucking burnt that if my legs were white, I would look like an upside-down thermometer, however; my legs are not white.

My legs look like this…



Yeah…What wasn’t tan, is burnt because I wore “hot pants” to work Saturday. And, I got no good sweaty cleavage shots, merely uber-radiated skin and heartache.

To add insult to injury…When I arrived home all burnt, hot, and sweaty at 9:15 or so, the apartment was hotter than Kelsey’s Nuts.

Yes sports fans, our A/C which had run so well this summer, hit the shitter and kaputted.

We won’t have air until Monday at the earliest…and the heat won’t be abating anytime soon.

Fuck.

Alas, I am still making an amazing meal after I go see Ryno, but since it will be so damn hot in the digs, I’ll be using the crockpot.

I may take purty pitchers of the dish and show them to you on Monday.

And by Monday, if God is smiling upon us, our ace fix-it man Rob, will come up here and repair the air.

Amen, and Amen…

Catch up with ya all later today.

Cheers!!

P.S. Longtime Bagwine Buddy, Dana is celebrating what I believe is her 57th Birthday today.

If you get a moment, please stop by her virtual digs and wish her a wunnerful day...before her eyes are too old to read the internets.

I thank you in advance. Happy Birthday Dana!!

Update: Matt-Man, Boy Genius has fixed the problem. Although it has never been an issue with the A/C before, I had an instictive feeling to check our circuit breaker panel.

After initially flipping off and on the wrong circuit (which aren't fucking marked), I found the one that controls the A/C and sure enough, Bingo!! We have air thanks to moi.

26 comments:

Mrs. D said...

It is WAY too hot in the glorious midwest right now to be without a/c. I feel so bad for you and Schmoop. I hope your repairman is there ASAP.

Matt-Man said...

D: He's the best and will fix it as soon as he can, but they spread him out way too much. The complex manager is great as well, but the boneheads who own the complex are cheap motherfuckers. Cheers D!!

Jeff B said...

"Hotter than Kelsey's nuts" I didn't realize anyone else used that phrase. My mom always says that during the summer.

May the aloe vera gods smile upon your burnt parts

Matt-Man said...

Jeff: Ha. I actually picked up the phrase from Schmoop. Her dad used to use it. Cheers Jeff!!

Mike said...

Maybe you and Schmoop could have a sleep over at Ryno's house.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Yeah, that would go over well. Cheers Mike!!

Mrs. D said...

BTW- Who is Kelsey and why are his nuts so hot? LOL

Matt-Man said...

D: Hell I don't know...It's an old saying. It does roll right off the tongue. The saying, not his nuts. Cheers D!!

Dana said...

You know, I'm kind of glad your head will be peeling like a snake in a few days ...

*smirk*

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Well, that was hurtful. I don't understand. What did I do? I mean, um...What? Peeling? Happy Birthday? Cheers Dana!!

Charlene said...

There's AC at the library. Maybe ya'all could go over there and read the papers in the cool.

Joker_SATX said...

And they say that it is too hot here in South Texas...Pfffft.

I think that this year, you guys have it hotter than we do. But then again, its not August yet, is it?

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: Matt-Man: Boy Genius has fixed the problem. The AC LIVES!! Cheers Charlene!!

Joker: The air is definitely thick here right now. Thick, but hot is hot beit "wet" or "dry". Cheers Joker!!

Michele said...

Glad to hear you got the air fixed. There is nothing worse than no air on a hot day. We went 1 day down here without it. Not pleasant.

You'll be happy to know that we had a crazy thunderstorm last night. It dropped the temps by 10 degrees. It should be heading your way.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: We are all happy now, none of us more so than our climate controlled cat who has become, well, a pussy where the heat is concerned.

And hopefully Bagwine will be rockin' in your thunder later...That didn't sound right, did it? Cheers Michele!!

Phfrank Bondonovich said...

...You fixed it! You're like...the Thomas Edison of the internets!...

MysteryChick said...

OUCH! I feel your pain! They make aloe now with that same ingredient that's in Solarcaine (lidocaine?) I highly recommend getting a bottle and keeping it in the fridge.

Just some advice from a pasty white chick.

David said...

Glad you have worked your Matt-Man magic to get the A/C back on. We've been having either 100+ degree days or 100+ heat index days and that would be miserable to this 'grew-up in the cool mountains' boy especially with an unpleasant sunburn.

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: I'd prefer to be known as the Enrico Fermi of the internets. Mainly because I enoy saying, "Fermi". Cheers P-Man!!

Chick: It's bark was far worse than its bite. When I woke up this morning and took a shower it didn't hurt much at all. Cheers Chick!!

David: I understand David, but all is well now. Cheers David!!

Antonio Bondolini said...

...Bwahahahahahahahahahahah!!!

Mike said...

Of course now you're going to verify all the electric outlets and swithes in the house and mark the breakers accordingly ..... right?

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: Hee...Fermi, just feels "right". Cheers P-Man!!

Mike: Of course not, what would have to bitch about if I did that? Cheers Mike!!

Micky-T said...

Matt-Man-B.G. flips off the switch, the switch flips back and everything is cool now.

Kelsey's Nuts are chilling in Bagwine.

Hi Ho

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Damn right. The funny thing...none of the breakers have a red thing or "on" "off" marking. I just strated flipping back and forth. In nearly ten years here, we have never touched the breaker box. Oy. Cheers Mick!!

Raquel's World said...

I am soo glad you fixed your ac! I can relate to that 6 weeks this year with no ac.. so all i gotta say is CHEERS!

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Ha...I don't know why, but it always makes me laugh when people say "Cheers" back to me. Thanks. Cheers Raquel!!