Saturday, July 17, 2010

Relationships, Like Boxer Shorts, All Rip Apart In The End

Friday night was not the best of nights.

A relationship that has survived for years came to an abrupt end.

It has left me heartbroken, sick to my stomach, and more than a bit tearful.

The two of us had been through thick and thin, ups and downs, and were as close as close could be, but…

It’s time for both of us to move on. Our relationship has become irreparable.

You see last night at work something happened that set this course to its natural conclusion.

I bent down to grab a 30 pack of Busch Light for a customer and this happened…

That’s right, Mr. Happy Pants split. He was already tattered prior to this, but this was the last straw, or in this case, last thread.

I am sickened and grieving that I can no loner ensconce myself in him for we have been together for a dozen plus years.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. Rest well, Mr. Happy Pants, rest well.

On a lighter note, I finally did it. I got a picture of the Beer Mine’s favorite Boris Karloff looking, old curmudgeon…

Ladies and Gentlemen, you know him; you love him. Bagwine’s own, Gary!!

Yes indeed. And as you can see, I actually got the old bastard to smile.

Of course he still had to parse another pearl of sarcasm upon me Friday night.

Boris/Gary: What’s that up around your neck?

Me: What are you talking about?

Boris/Gary: It looks like your asshole.

Me: What?

Boris/Gary: Well, everything else in this Drive-Thru is higher than hell so I thought your asshole would be up there too.

I so love that man. And as I will be working 11-9 today, I will undoubtedly get to listen to him more than a couple of times today.

Enjoy your Saturday, and as always…

Cheers!!

21 comments:

Jeff B said...

I for one would like to thank you for snapping that photo of the boxers after removing them.

Matt-Man said...

Jeff: But of course. I wouldn't put you guys through that much horror nor myself through that much humiliation. Cheers Jeff!!

Jay said...

So sorry about your boxers. Such a senseless tragedy. They will be missed.

Also, that grumpy old man is my hero. Well, if he was leaving there and going home to his hot 20 year old girlfriend, he would be.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: It is a tragedy, but one that has been in the works. And the guy, he could probably get a hot 20 year old babe; he has more money than God. Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...

I will just refer back to Jeff's comment and say, "me too".

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I understand but keep in mind, that means I took that picture while completely naked. Chew on that. Cheers Mike!!

Mrs. D said...

I was picturing an older guy, like the dad in Grumpy Old Men (Jack Lemmon's dad) and I thought he probably wore a fedora with a feather in it and drove a giant gold Cadillac. So, glad you cleared it up for me.

Sorry about your boxers. I felt that way about my favorite pajama pants that I lost last year. I'd had them FOREVER.

Matt-Man said...

D: Older? The camera must be kind to him. And yeah, I feel your pajama pain. I felt the same about Mr. Happy Pants. Cheers D!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Sorry about the pants! I don't know if I would call those "church underpants" or not (They're hole-y). Again, Boris cracks me up!

Matt-Man said...

Evil: Yeah the crotch was ripped apart as well and they were far too big, but the served me well since about 1998. Add yeah, Boris is da man. Cheers ETW!!

M.C. Bondo said...

...I wouldn't retire Mr. Happy Pants just yet...I think those rustic shorts would make a terrific do-rag...

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: Too late...They are in the trash. I was too proud of them to use them for anything else. I allowed Mr. Happy Pants to die with dignity. Cheers P-Man!!

Michele said...

What is it with you guys and your love of a pair of boxers? I've had to throw away pairs of JR's boxers that were just tattered remains of their former self.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: After all that time and wear, one develops a comfort level with that "special" pair, and the boxers?

They develop a memory and know just how and where to lay on my boys. Cheers Michele!!

The Dish said...

I shed a tear for those boxers. How very heart breaking.

Dana said...

I'm thinking you should have cut them into pieces and sold them on eBay. After all, you *are* Matt-Man ... BITCH!

Matt-Man said...

Dish: I cried until I didn't. Cheers Dish!!

Dana: Damn you're right, but it's too late, unless I want to sift through the dumpster. Cheers Dana!!

David said...

There is indeed a relationship with a comfortable and familiar pair of undies. I have never liked boxers - I prefer the jockey boxer-briefs with that nice roomy but comfy pouch and the horizontal fly. Room for my boys, nice support in the pouch and easy access with that fly. And I have some pairs that are nearly threadbare but until they have a complete ripout or collapse, they are there in the drawer waiting for me.

Raquel's World said...

Well you had me for a while...I thought something totally different til I saw the pic...Sorry for your loss nonetheless.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Ha...It was tragic, and I thank you for your condolences. Cheers Raquel!!

Matt-Man said...

David: Some people just don't understand do they? Cheers David!!