It’s no secret that Schmoop and I have had “issues” of late, and really, after nearly ten years together, that’s not unusual.
There is one problem however, that is an off-shoot of our latest issue, which, at least with her, seems to be an overriding theme.
Chicks dig me and Bagwine.
I know, some of you don’t believe me, but it’s true, and I don’t understand it either, but it happens.
And really, I am not talking merely about chicks, I am talking about people in general…They dig me.
It’s both a blessing…and a curse.
I have analyzed the situation and I have come up with the following…Schmoop’s right, but we have different rationale on said situation.
Allow me to explain our different theories on this phenomenon.
How do I explain this oddity in the space/time continuum?
I tell Schmoop that people, and chicks particularly, evidently dig guys who have the “5 B’s”.
What are the 5 B's, you ask?
Bald Head, Beer Gut, Bad Teeth, nearly legally Blind, and yet, have a nice Butt.
And I tell her…“I am just kinda amusing and say what‘s on my mind…people like that.”
Schmoop said this…
“No, that’s not it. You have the same thing Kramer (from Seinfeld) had. You have, the “Kavorka”.”
Now for those of you who don’t know what the “Kavorka” is, allow me to offer you this definition from Seinfeld and through the Urban Dictionary:
The Kavorka is a word which originated from the Latvian Orthodox.
It means "the lure of the animal". It is described as a curse, making someone irresistible to anyone of the opposite sex, even attractive to the same sex, as people will be naturally drawn to you.
It's a heavy responsibility to have to be imposed with everyone's lusty wants, hence, it's consideration as a curse. People will want to be with you, be like you, be you.
And there you go.
Keep in mind…I didn’t make this observation, Schmoop did. And no, she wasn’t drunk when she made it…Well, too much.
I have the Kavorka, my friends. I may be Matt-Man, Bitches, but I am cursed.
Turn away from me; I’m hideous.