Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Could Ya Throw A Brutha Some Good Karma?

If you listened to I’m With Stupid or read my post this past Sunday, you know one thing for sure…

Matt-Man is in a Karma funk. Allow me to ‘splain…

My computer which has slowly been going to the dogs, has damn near barked its last bite. But, is getting replaced on Thursday.

Nonetheless…

The crashing could not have come at a more inopportune time, and in the meantime...


I will continue to listen to my current computer making a garbled, incoherent, moaning sound that resembles the noise made when Helen Keller had orgasms.

Our phone went to shit and our router box may or may not have gone to shit. Okay, I can get that replaced free.

And dig this…

Last Monday, I was getting ready for work, and a cross that I wear on a chain around my neck, fell off and went into the toilet as I was peeing.

I said to myself…

“Self, this can’t be a good sign, but I must stick my hand into my own urine and save the symbol of the Little Baby Jeebus.”

I did. I parted the Yellow Sea and saved the cross.

And then on my Fantasy football team, I got rid of a running back and picked up a sleeper named Montario Hardesty. This guy is a touchdown machine.

The same day I picked him up, he indeed, during a pre-season game, scored a touchdown, and then later in the game?

He tore his fucking ACL and is out for the season.


And then, I find out that T.J Houshmandzadeh who is one of my starting WR’s gets cut by the Seahawks.

What the Fuck?

So, I pick up a loser castaway WR from the Cowboys in Patrick Crayton. At this point I’m thinking…

“Gee, when is my spectacular QB Matt Schaub announcing that he has converted to Mormonism and will leave the NFL to serve a two year mission in Botswana or Sierra Leone?”

So far, that hasn’t happened, but I expect it anytime now, and if it does happen? I'm going to fuck Glenn Beck in the ass and make it hurt!!

Oy…and then, yesterday, Monday fucking morning…I go out to the kitchen, hit the light switch, and one of the fluorescent lights assplodes.

On top of all this, Schmoop is getting rid of the couch I love, people hate me, and my hemorrhoids are acting up.

I don’t get it…I’m such a nice person. And yet, what do I get for it?

Damn right…Heartache!!

I’m working all day today, so be nice to one and other in my absence.


Maybe if you are nice on my site, the good Karma will osmomatically return to me.

Cheers!!

23 comments:

MysteryChick said...

Holy crap Matt-Man! What a shit-tastic week you've had! I'll send positive thoughts. I'd send good Karma but it's been bitch-slapping me around lately as well so we're no longer on speaking terms.

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Well, if I can find a modicum of good Karma hiding somewhere, I'll send it you. I hate to see you bitch-slapped. Me? I kinda like it. Cheers Chick!!

Andy said...

Sucks to be you right now.

Scott Oglesby said...

The good karma is coming to you my brother. We are going to Paris Friday for a week and staying in a Zen hotel, because it was the nicest for the cheapest and because I dig all that. So I’ll send you some good vibes/karma from there, for sure.

Mike said...

Life can't be all bad. It has balance. So I predict good things .... for me, just to balance things out.

Matt-Man said...

Andy: Yes, yes it does. Cheers Anj!!

Scott: That sounds good, and thanks. I dig the Zen. Cheers and have fun Scott!!

Mike: Ha. Good One. Cheers Mike!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

For all the dumb-assery you have to put up with at work, you should be swimming in good karma. Hope it comes your way - soon! :-)

Matt-Man said...

Evil: Thanks and it will. It all balances out...eventually. Cheers ETW!!

Phfrankie Baughndeaux said...

...I'll send you Joe Montana...

commoncents said...

GREAT POST!

I like your blog - keep up the great work!!

Steve
Common Cents
http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com

ps. Link Exchange??

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: Love the Joe-Man. Cheers P-Man!!

Common: Thanks, but no thanks on the link. I don't promote sites that vomit right wing blather... unless I am making fun of them in a post. But have a nice day. Cheers Steve!!

Baseball Mom said...

Yeah! I think you have had your share of shit lately.

Good Karma has to be around the corner soon. very.very.soon.

Matt-Man said...

Baseball: I certainly hope so. Have a wunnerful day. Cheers B-Mom!!

Jay said...

Well I was going to say that I don't have any extra Karma that I can spare right now. But, if you aren't willing to share your Karma with anyone else, then you're sure not to ever have any extra. Or something like that.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I think I understand...but then again, I um...what? I must be off. Cheers Jay!!

Charlene said...

ROFLMFAO Poor Steve, spreading the hate and he thought that was a good thing! Karma is going to work for you now.

I don't know if you lost anything but try cloud backups. I did this after struggling for years with external hard drive backups and CD/DVD backups that took me hours and days. I use Carbonite.com and it costs about $50 a year which is a good deal if you've ever lost all your files.

I'm going to send all my Ommmm's to you today.

Dice Mardell said...

on a positive note ♪ ...
...you HAVE A JOB!
just keep reminding yourself of that fact.
everything else is "small stuff"

Raquel's World said...

Awww poor Matt-Man. Sorry dude. I won't even pretend b/c yeah life sucks for you right now. That Jesus in the toilet thing would've pushed me to the edge,,spooky. Sounds like you need a ....CHEERS!

Anonymous said...

Well Buddy you can look forward to getting something in the mail from me. I put it in the mail box yesterday :)
Lu'

CC said...

Want some good Karma? Burn the new book "Islam is of the Devil", by Dr. Terry Jones on 9/11, it's available now! (or maybe some Sponge Bob Square Pants videos since he's gay and all)

Where do we come up with these fucking IDIOTS?!?

...sorry, i couldn't help it

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: Thanks for the Ommms. Yeah poor Stevie Boy. He's obviously a Fox News Fan, and by God he should stick with that ilk. Cheers Charlene!!

Dice: That is so true and I think about that everyday, and appreciate that fact. Cheers Dice!!

Raquel: Thanks for the Cheers, and yeah, the cross falling into the toilet was a bit creepy and unnerving. Cheers Roc!!

Matt-Man said...

Lu: You never fail to bring a smile to my face. Here's to ya. Cheers Lu!!

CC: I being posting about something along those lines between now and Friday. Stupid never takes a Holiday!! Cheers CC!!

David said...

I'm sitting shiva for your bad karma....may not do any good since I'm not Jewish.