If you listened to I’m With Stupid or read my post this past Sunday, you know one thing for sure…
Matt-Man is in a Karma funk. Allow me to ‘splain…
My computer which has slowly been going to the dogs, has damn near barked its last bite. But, is getting replaced on Thursday.
The crashing could not have come at a more inopportune time, and in the meantime...
I will continue to listen to my current computer making a garbled, incoherent, moaning sound that resembles the noise made when Helen Keller had orgasms.
Our phone went to shit and our router box may or may not have gone to shit. Okay, I can get that replaced free.
And dig this…
Last Monday, I was getting ready for work, and a cross that I wear on a chain around my neck, fell off and went into the toilet as I was peeing.
I said to myself…
“Self, this can’t be a good sign, but I must stick my hand into my own urine and save the symbol of the Little Baby Jeebus.”
I did. I parted the Yellow Sea and saved the cross.
And then on my Fantasy football team, I got rid of a running back and picked up a sleeper named Montario Hardesty. This guy is a touchdown machine.
The same day I picked him up, he indeed, during a pre-season game, scored a touchdown, and then later in the game?
He tore his fucking ACL and is out for the season.
And then, I find out that T.J Houshmandzadeh who is one of my starting WR’s gets cut by the Seahawks.
What the Fuck?
So, I pick up a loser castaway WR from the Cowboys in Patrick Crayton. At this point I’m thinking…
“Gee, when is my spectacular QB Matt Schaub announcing that he has converted to Mormonism and will leave the NFL to serve a two year mission in Botswana or Sierra Leone?”
So far, that hasn’t happened, but I expect it anytime now, and if it does happen? I'm going to fuck Glenn Beck in the ass and make it hurt!!
Oy…and then, yesterday, Monday fucking morning…I go out to the kitchen, hit the light switch, and one of the fluorescent lights assplodes.
On top of all this, Schmoop is getting rid of the couch I love, people hate me, and my hemorrhoids are acting up.
I don’t get it…I’m such a nice person. And yet, what do I get for it?
I’m working all day today, so be nice to one and other in my absence.
Maybe if you are nice on my site, the good Karma will osmomatically return to me.