Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Funnies and Gays Unite!!

As Monday at the Beer Mine was rather slow, my mind began to wander…and wonder.

I don’t know why, maybe it was the homeless transvestite walking past, perhaps it was because I was laughing about something while hearing a promo for the Rachel Maddow Show, but…

I had an epiphany.

Funny people and gay people have many things in common. First of all you are either born with it or not.

Seriously…

Just as gay people are born with the desire to be intimate with those of the same sex, meticulously shave their chest and facial hair, or if a butch woman like Rosie O’Donnell, meticulously allow their chest and facial hair to grow…

Funny people are born with the desire to be intimate with the misfortune of others, meticulously point out the stupidity of society, and...


if you happen to be a funny person named Butch, delight in the fact that everyone will laugh with you for fear of you beating the shit out of them should they not.

Another thing…

Just as far too many gay people suppress their natural gayness to avoid getting the stink eye from society, many funny people suppress their funniness.

I know many naturally funny guys who refuse to publicly be funny, because their wife or girlfriend will give them the stink eye and withhold sex.

Conversely, sometimes gay and funny folks should suppress their genetic make-up…

There are times when gay people run around unabashedly promoting their sense of gayness through parades full of gay men dressed like Cher, and gay chicks walking their bitch around with a leash.

Gay people should stop that; it’s creepy.

And...


There are many funny people who unabashedly promote their funniness through parades full of grown, fez wearing men driving in figure eights in tiny cars, and funny women dressed as clowns handing out candy to little kids.

Funny people should stop that; it’s creepy.

The last thing that came to mind to me?

Both groups are oppressed and unfairly treated by some, and why is that, you ask?

Well, in the case of gays, many folks find their looks, lifestyle, and sexual proclivities to be strange and an abomination before God.

In the case of funny people, many folks find their jokes, sarcasm, and laughter to be strange and an abomination toward their lack of a sense of humor.

Based upon these commonalities, I think the Funnies and Gays should unite…some type of coalition united in fostering understanding and acceptance.

Hmmm? Funnies and Gays united. I deem today this day October 19th, the day that this coalition be known as…

FAGs United. Let the oppression end with me.

Matt-Man…Bringing the world closer together through bareback joke telling.

Somebody please alert the Nobel Peace Prize committee.

Let them know that they can contact me at the Beer Mine today from 10-9.

Cheers!!

14 comments:

Jay said...

You're a uniter instead of a divider.

Of course, gay people are usually very funny. Except Rosie of course.

David said...

I've noticed that there is a substantial overlap of gay and funny.

Not sure why that would be...maybe all those abomination accusations require a humor coping mechanism.

Another witty insight into the human condition by our Matt-Man

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I am a uniter, and as you know, more than a bit sensitive. All are welcome to our coalition, well...except for Rosie. Cheers Jay!!

Matt-Man said...

David: While satrical, it does show that if all people would look at other "groups" with an open mind, there are always more commonalities than differences. Cheers David!!

Mike said...

"I had an epiphany."

Good thing you're right across from a hospital. Are you OK now?

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I'm just dandy, and epiphany is one of my fave words. Cheers Mike!!

Scott Oglesby said...

I loved this post, maybe because the analogy was so splurge in the eye accurate. And I can add to it as well. Have you ever seen a funny fundamentalist Christian? No, all the people who are so opposed to gayness in all its glory are about as funny as a toddler with leukemia.

You can mark me down with the sickness, I’m in! That ‘chick’ on the left is kind of hot. Jus sayin….

Beth said...

I think this is a great idea! Coz not only are you funny...you're gay!!!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Yes those types are very dour on all things gay, well...until they get busted for having in engaged in gay sex. And yes she.er..he is kinda cute in spite of her..er...his Kirk Douglas chin. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: I don't think that me, trimming my beard neatly, repeatedly watching The Crying Game, and enjoying you slappin' on a strap-on and getting me from behind necessarily indicates that I am gay. Cheers and Zoooves!!

Doc said...

LOL @ Schmoop.. HAHAHAAAAA!

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Oh yeahhhhh. Schmoop is a laugh a minute, especially when she tries to cook. Cheers Doc!!

Dana said...

Your mind wanders only because there are a pair of legs attached to your torso ...

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Ha. Not bad. Cheers Dana!!