I told you all that I wanted to be even more honest than I have been, so…
Every Thursday’s post is going to be the lovely Schmoop and I going back and forth on a question without hesitation.
It is, and will forever be known as, He Said…She Said…
Here we go, with the initial installment of:
He Said…She Said…
Matt: Why do you hate me so much of late?
Schmoop: I don’t; I love you. What, you don’t like the fight I always start, and me thinking I want to punch you in the throat?
Matt: It’s understandable once in awhile, but it seems like it happens every weekend the last two or three weeks.
Schmoop: Well, you fucked up. I’m still trying to control my emotions, and forgive. It’s hard….
Matt: I understand and I want you to forgive, but could ya either hate me or accept me, and not string me along while I await your decision?
Schmoop: I’m trying. Maybe I just need to cry all at once, and put this behind me. I don’t want to take it out on you, but this internalizing is killing me. I’m sorry.
Matt: Funny…You are mad at ME, and yet, in your last statement…You apologize to ME. What the Hell?
Schmoop: I’m sorry for my behavior of late you douche-bucket! Yea, I’m still mad, and it hurts, but it’s up to me to correct my misdeeds.
By the way…you packing your cigarettes drives me NUTS! Just trying to be honest.
Matt: Well…Packing my smokes is not only a habit, it’s a lifestyle…or something. I like tight tobacco.
Schmoop: You like tight pussy too? Cause I got you covered…
Matt: Cool…However, if we have sex tonight, will you end up berating me again like the last time we had sex, and tell me not to touch you when we were done?
Schmoop: You got a blowjob! Jesus, what more do you want???? I swallow for God’s sake!!!!
Matt: I wanted to be all over YOU, but it was the afterwards, and your Hitler-esque attitude during the “blowjob” that pissed me off. You were mean…and not in a sexy, jackbooted, Axis Sally kinda way.
Schmoop: You’re right! I’m a fucking NAZI!!!! Just kidding…I know I was wrong, and no berating. Unless of course you mean BERATING!!!
Matt: Ladies and Gentlemen…
Schmoop admitted that she was wrong. And I say unto you Schmoop, “Welcome to my World.” At least with me though, I admit my wrongness…much more quickly.
Schmoop: Suck it you fucker! I mean that in the most loveable way possible, I swear. Now, where in the hell is my dinner, and or sex????
Matt: Oh I’m sorry, Matty gotta cook ’cause you can’t…or won‘t? I’ll handle it…as always. Last thoughts?
Schmoop: Whatever, you cuntnugget…
And there you have it folks…The first installment of He Said…She Said.
I am off all day today and tomorrow, so let’s have some fun…or not.
Hope you like the new look of Bagwine, and as always…