Friday, October 15, 2010

Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

It’s Friiiiiiday so you know what that means. That’s Right!!

It’s time for another installment of Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

This week, my conversation is one that took place between me and myself, and one which turned me on my head.

Me: Do you realize I am on the precipice of losing everything?

Myself: Yeah…It kinda sucks. Wait…Everything?

Me: I could possibly lose my girlfriend, a place to live, my job is in peril because of the economy, and I owe like 8 gazillion dollars in hospital bills.

Myself: Well…at least you have your health.

Me: Ha. I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. How long can that last? Plus, it was about one year ago that I got sick and went into the hospital.

Me/Myself: Hence the 8 gazillion dollars in medical bills.

Me: Exactly!!

Myself: You will always have your website.

Me: True, and I hear that the Public Library has fantastic internets access.

Myself: Oh yeah…the place to live thing. Well dude, at least you’re cute!!

Me: I used to be, until my gum disease kicked into overdrive and my teeth started poppin' out faster and more often than Brett Favre’s dick.

Myself: Hee Hee. At least you still have your rapier wit and sense of humor.

Me: Ha!! Indeed…Perhaps I could get a gig with the circus.

Myself: You ARE a circus.

Me: More like a freak show.

Myself: Good One. You still have your book to write.

Me: True, but I need a disinterested third party to help me edit it.

Myself: There should be no problem finding someone.

Me: What? Finding an editor?

Myself: No. Finding someone who is disinterested in you. Ha!! I crack Myself up!!

Me: Hee Hee. Funny.

Myself: Dude, just keep pressin’ on. Things will change. You will change.

Me: Damn right, or die tryin’.

Myself: And look on the bright side. If you do die tryin’, it would only be a murder of one.

Me: I can dig it. Thanks. Now cue the music.

I’ll be posting again later today with some updates and info about our I’m With Stupid radio show which airs every Sunday at 11 AM EDT on Blog Talk Radio.

Until then, Happy Friday and…



Jay said...

If you ignore them all those bills will just go away, right?

In fact, I've taken that approach with all of my problems. I, uh, don't really recommend it though.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha. So it DOESN'T work? Thanks for the tip. I am so frickin' glad I met you. Cheers Funny Man!!

Jay said...

Hey, I'm here to help. ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Just like me, you are such a giver. Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...

"disinterested third party"

That's someone that shouldn't be hard to find.

A great line right? But NOOOOOOO! MM has to use it three lines later and MESS UP my comment!!

Scott Oglesby said...

The best line in there; “You still have my book to write.” It’s funny, I keep telling myself the same thing. And yea, the library has a decent internet connect.

I’ll edit that bitch.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha. A thousand pardons. I'll make it up to you at some point. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: I appreciate that Scott, but I'd rather work with somebody close by; however, we'll chat soon. Cheers Funny Man!!

Michele said...

Libraries have great internet access. Find a small one though or you'll be fighting for time with the homeless guy. Oh wait! You will be the homeless guy. Uh...sorry about that.

Find a Literature grad student to edit that book. They will be completely "disinterested" and cheap. Get one that needs an internship or a thesis/dissertation to write and needs the byline credit. Maybe an out of work post-doc.

If I can help please let me know. :-)

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Ha. Very Funny. I like that and so did Myself!!

You know though, your grad student is a fantastic idea. Thanks for the idea. Cheers Michele!!

Micky-T said...

Hold on for another year....if you can.
Scott's coming back across the pond next season and he'll be looking for new digs. Bic and I will be stepping out looking for a little hole in the Caribbean to nestle into with our new boat.
It will be easy to convince Scott to come down and if we could convince you that the BEST thing for you would be to step out that home-town, even for just a year or two and trust us that you'll become a new and better man for it. The town and all that happens there won't change. Scott can help edit your book, you can edit his book and together you both can guide me in writing my book.

Doc said...

Circus yes.. Freak show... Nah.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Well I appreciate the thought there Mick, but the book is 80-90% written is merely needs assemble into good form and it takes place in Bagwine, so it owuld be hard to be in the Bagwine state of mind basking in the Carribean.

On top of that I am only five minutes away from Ryno and I like that...and so does he. But thanks again Mick. Cheers!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I have a degree in Journalism and have edited several books already. Chin up - it all works out in the wash. :-)

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Oh I don't know, I sometimes use the phrase Freak Show as a compliment. Cheers Doc!!

Matt-Man said...

Evil: I know it will and hopefully it will be set for sale by the end of April 2011. Cheers ETW!!

Raquel's World said...

A convo with yourself. That's awesome. They say talking to yourself does not mean you're crazy. Answering yourself does. Sooooo....

Are those hospital bills the one from across the street? If so maybe that's why they are torturing you with the sounds of death and despair each night.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Why yes, yes they are from that hospital across the street. You may be on to something.

As for talking to myself and answering myself. It's not crazy, it's a conversation between two brilliant people. Cheers Roc!!

Dianne said...

I don't have any editing experience but I do have marketing experience so if I could help that way I sure as hell would

Fuck the hospital

I'm battling 3 credit card cos and the IRS - don't let them intimidate you

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: I was hoping that you would be my personal assistant and travel to book signings with me in order to offer me "encouragement".

The hospital isn't fucking with me or anything, it's just all looming over my head. Cheers Sexy!!

Knight said...

Jebus that gum diesease thing sounds scary. I think you need to throw in an extra pack a day to help that out.

Have you tried talking to a bankruptcy expert about the hospital debt yet?

Dana said...

Circus nah.. Freak show... YES!

Couldn't resist being Doc's alter ego.

Matt-Man said...

Knight: Maybe I will do just that. Start smokin' an extra pack a day that is. Cheers Knight!!

Dana: Please, leave Doc alone and leave your passive/aggressive behavior at the door. Cheers Dana!!

Charlene said...

I'd edit it for you. I'm cheap but no easy. I once edited a book from a very good friend. When I finished I gave him my changes and he didn't change a thing. I told him the best he could do was throw it away and start over.

Brutal honesty is me.

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: I like brutal honesty as well, but unlike you, I am both cheap AND easy. Cheers Charlene!!