Monday, November 22, 2010

911? I'm Being Robbed!!

If you read my Sunday post, you know that I was given some disturbing news at work on Saturday evening.

Saturday at about 5:30 PM, an undercover cop came through the Beer Mine and informed me that several Beer Drive-Thrus in the area had been robbed by armed thugs.

He was going around to give all places such as ours a heads up. I appreciated it, but it put me on edge a bit…made me a bit nervous.

Anyhoo…

I worked 11-7 on Sunday and with this info still fresh in my mind I began to lock up at 7 PM. I was in the office doing my closing shit when there was a knock on the door to the outside.

Nervously, I yelled to the unseen fucker…

“We’re closed!!”

The knocking on the glass continued and I said once again…

“We’re closed asshole!!”


The glass door is covered with a full door sized poster so you can’t see in or out.

The anonymous rapping continued and got louder. I bellowed:

“Damn it!! Get the fuck outta here or I’ll call the cops!!”

The knocking continued so I dialed 911 when I hear in addition to the knocking of the potential armed robber on the outside chuckling and then saying to me through the door…

“Hee. Hee. Matt, it’s Mike!!”

I hung up the phone; let the “incredibly amusing” owner of the Beer Mine in, as he was laughing his ass off.

Two seconds later, the Police called me back stating they received a 911 hang up from us and wanted to know if everything was alright.

I explained to the dispatcher everything was fine and the problem was, and I quote…

“My damn boss!!”

Drive-By Mike was rolling and so was I by then, but was still fucking pissed off as hell at the same time!! Fucker.

And there you have it…My incredible excitement from the Beer Mine yesterday. And?

I get to do it all over today and I believe the cops may get called again, because I am seriously considering taking the baseball bat we keep in the office and bludgeoning Drive-By Mikey with it.

Have a wonderful Monday all and if you’d like to listen to the Thanksgiving episode of I’m With Stupid, just click on the spiffy sound machine:




Cheers!!

14 comments:

Mike said...

Guys named Mike can be pretty funny.

Scott Oglesby said...

Damn, you could have punched him through the poster covered glass. I always wanted to knock someone out through a pane of glass; it always looks so cool in the movies. I hate when my hand gets cut though….

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Hee. Yeah...sometimes. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: Yeah that would have been pretty cool, well...until the shots rang out. Cheers Scott!!

Raquel's World said...

That was a bit scary. Good thing you called the would be robber fucker, that way he knew in advance that you don't play. Glad you didn't get robbed.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: That's my plan of defense every time, for as we all know, a man with a gun and a meth addiction can be stopped in his tracks by calling him a fucker. Cheers Roc!!

Michele said...

Mike sounds like a riot. I'd be half tempted to let the police explain why this practical joke is not all that funny. As a joke of course.

Police Chief Bondo said...

...sounds like somebody needs a firecracker shoved up his ass...

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Oh he's a riot alright. I explained it to him. He didn't know about the cop coming through or the robberies. Cheers Michele!!

P-Man: He'd probably enjoy that. he's a freak. Cheers P-Man!!

Micky-T said...

I think he knew, that's why he showed up and just kept knocking. Unless you made that part up. he he he

Matt-Man said...

Micky: No, he didn't know and I didn't make it up. In fact his wife was with him and gave him tons of shit about it after I told her about the cop. Cheers Mick!!

Dianne said...

Be careful out there ...

And tell Mikey it's all fun and games until someone loses a ball - or is that an eye?

Knight said...

I'm betting if the robbers were hot 18 year old girls you would have no problem letting them in. You might even beg them for a pistol whipping.

Mike Golch said...

At least it was not some effin armed robber. getting a gun stuck in your face is not fun.I know.

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Ha. I told him just that today. Cheers Di!!

Knight: That's tempting but no...Mikey hates when the drawer is off. Cheers Knight!!

Mike: I can imagine. Glad you survived. Cheers Mike!!