Most folks will be busy getting drunk and eating turkey with their families tomorrow, I thought today we’d do this week’s installment of, He Said…She Said where Schmoop and I banter back and forth through the magic of Microsoft Word.
Sound good? Well alrightie then. Let’s get down to biddness!!
Schmoop: Babe, I had this dream last night, and well…you are not going to be happy.
Matt: Oh dear God…What?
Schmoop: Well, I’m sorry, but I dreamed that I had sex with…Bill O’Reilly.
Matt: I think I just threw up a little.
Schmoop: YOU threw up, how on earth do you think I feel? At least, in my dream, there weren’t any detailed visuals, if you know what I mean.
Matt: Well that’s good. Well as good as you can hope for with a dream like that. And to think, I was going to ask you what you were thankful for since it’s Thanksgiving time.
Schmoop: I’m thankful that it wasn’t Glenn Beck!
Matt: I would never be able to look at you the same way again if it was. Either way, I feel sexually disenfranchised now.
Schmoop: OMFG! You know how much I hate the word disenfranchised!! Among many others of course.
Matt: Hee. Hee. Yes I know, but when I say, disenfranchised, it makes my nether regions MOIST!!
Schmoop: Ha! Another word I hate. I get where this is going! Panties or slacks!!
Matt: Ha…I hate both of those words as much as you do. When I hear those words, it makes me feel as though I coming down with a FUNGAL infection!!
Schmoop: Let’s see…girlie bits, smegma, lima beans, urp (my Mother’s word for vomit), Mika Brzezinski. Shall we go on? I think so. Next.
Matt: One more…one more. More than a word, but rather a phrase at which you and I both shudder…Hold on to your disenfranchised panties for this one…MAKE LOVE!!
Schmoop: You suck! Ok, if you want to MAKE LOVE, you are not for me! Ewww. How about you just grab my ass and say “You wanna fuck?” Or how about “Let’s get horizontal”, Get’s me going every time. Make love? Gross.
Matt: “Make love” is so teen coming of age movie, and Lifetime Network-ish. Sure it’s fine for poetry, but when I’m horny I want to get naked with a hot chick, not snuggle up with a lyrical line of iambic pentameter.
Schmoop: True. I just want to have a few beers, screw, lay naked, and sweaty, (because I refuse to say cuddle, eww), eat, and go to sleep. That is where all of my talents lie.
Matt: So…Would you like to put your talents to use and do just that?
Schmoop: Why yes sir, I would.
Matt: Sweeeet. Afterwards, we can CUDDLE!! Ha!!
Schmoop: Augggggh!! Cuntnugget.
And there you have it folks, our He Said…She Said for the week.
Make sure to listen to I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio this Friday at 11 PM EST.
We will discuss Jayman’s recent pilgrimage to Omaha. We will kick off the annual War on Christmas™, and we will have an exclusive Christmasy type song sung by yours truly.
To go to our BTR Radio site click HERE.
Have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving, all.