Today, instead of another boring post by your truly, I am asking for your help.
I want YOU guys to write the story. That’s right.
I am going to start a story and I want you lovable perverts to continue it on and finish it.
Here are the simplistic guidelines…
I am going to write the preface and you guys through the comments continue it on by adding to the previous comment that someone left.
Won’t this be fun!? Of course it will.
I may add to the story through the comments as well, but I will try to limit my input as much as my ego will allow, and let you all write the story.
Add to the story all you’d like but please limit each comment to 1-3 lines…
Let’s see how this all goes; here’s the beginning of Matt-Man’s Hump Day Adventure…
It was a beautiful Wednesday in November in Bagwine, Ohio and Matt-Man had the entire day off.He kissed Schmoop good-bye as she headed out the door to go to work.
Matt-Man was without the car for the day, but the ’fridge was stocked with beer and Rose and he had plenty of smokes on hand.
Looking forward to his day off and ten hours alone, he wasted no time taking a shower and getting dressed.
Upon coming out clean and dressed into the living room of the Bagwine digs, he began his Hump Day Adventure by…
Make me laugh guys, and as always…
Cheers!!
46 comments:
lighting his ceremonial masterbation candles.
Just then, the phone rang. "Damn," thought Matty, "I thought I paid the phone company to keep that fucking thing from ringing, unless it was important!"
It just so happens that it was Dana on the end of the line.
"I know we've been friends for awhile, Matt-Man, and I know we've had our issues (Is Schmoop speaking to me yet?), but I NEED your help. This isn't a Cam sitch. It isn't even my sitch, but I need the funny and wisdom of the Matt-Man.... Help, please. Or I may never see the outside of this accounting office again. We both know how much that would suck...."
Sorry if that's a little too topical, but it's what my brain wrote... Love you, Matty. ^_^
off topic, I've mostly stopped reading your blog for reasons I won't bore you with, but I just hopped back over to peak with all the blog drama and have to wonder so also ask why do you always post tomorrows post today? Just curious here, is it an automatic post deal? I've always been curious what's the rush, why not enjoy this day in it's entirety and not fast forward to tomorrow??
And we all know I love Dana.... oh, to be a bi-chick in Podunk...
snugs: Does it really matter? He makes his posts on his schedule. Has always worked for me. Why question it? Pure curiosity I can accept...
Just as Matt-Man was about to provide sanity and wisdom to Dana's cubicle quandry, he hung the phone up because he was smacked in the face by a inane comment on his website from a pod person named Snugs.
Although he was a bit amused that she liked to live vicariously through him and others, he simply continued on about his business and wondered if Snugs was a thalidomide baby.
Upon observing the flippers, Matty concluded that in fact, Snugs must be a thalidomide baby, and took pity upon Snugs.
This did not deter him however, from posing Dana the utmost question, "What the FUCK is wrong with you, woman?"
As he asked this question, Matt himself felt a weird sensation... suddenly he found himself naked amongst a band of hippies.He didn't know how he got there, or why... but there was something liberating about the acceptance of his nudity, and the lack of any sense of education that prevailed....
... the hippies insisted Matt pierce his nipple, to match his ear ...
... and then Matt decided to pierce ALL his appendages ...
But then ... suddenly the Matt-Signal appeared. The image of a large bottle of Wild Irish Rose appeared in the sky to the north. Somebody needed Matt's help!
Dana must be desperate if she resorted to using the Matt-Signal ..
... Matt had just tipped a bottle of WIR to get that last drop when he saw the signal. What was it going to be? Respond to the signal ... or the last drop of WIR? ...
After draining the last of the WIR, he got his cape from the closet...
With the Matt-Signal blazing across the sky, an empty bottle of the Rose at his feet, and nary a stitch of clothing on his person with the exception of his SuperMatt cape, Matt was faced with a conundrum; put some clothes on or fly through the air with his little Matt flapping in the breeze. What would our intrepid Super Hero do?
I've always seen Matt-Man as many things, but a Super Hero was never one of them. You people are twisted. Cheers!!
Throwing all caution (and his little Matt) to the wind, it was UP! UP! UP and away ... literally ... for the both of them.
As MattMan neared the Matt Signal
...he hears a load banging sound in his ears...someone knocking on the door, he had fallen back asleep on the couch.
... with little Matt-man well in hand....
Oh, It was Schmoop, She too had seen the signal in the sky and knew that Matt needed her quickly. She entered the room and saw he had lil Matt in his hands already. Damn Too late!
But, secretly, she was relieved since her lady faucet was still flowing.
...so it was loose meat sandwiches for all until the moose showed up...
...poking his head in the livingroom window...
Seeing how our living room window is 15-20 feet above the ground that is one fucking tall moose!! Cheers!!
Just as Matty and Schmoop were about to club the tallest moose in the world it ripped off it's head. It was Dana in disguise.
And just as Schmoop readied the pot of scorching hot coffee to pour over Dana's head, another layer was peeled off to expose Jayman in all of his stalking glory.
Schmoop retracted the pot of scorching hot coffee and said ...
Then she invited Jayman upstairs for a tasty meal of Vienna Sausages and ...
...moose turd pie!...
Hee...
As Jayman balked at the invitation for Moose Turd Pie, Schmoop explained that it wasn't really moose turds, but rather a pie made with chocolate covered peanuts and ...
!!!BANG!!! the door to the apartment crashed in! Schmoop imediatlly fainted, Jay fell from the ladder he was on and Matt-Man looked and saw...
Sarah Palin naked.
which, of course, is a common occurrence at the Bagwine digs but she was an hour early and this really miffed Matt-Man so he punished her by...
Forcing her to watch the Keith Olbermann marathon on MSNBC. As if that wasn't bad enough, Matt-Man then ...
Dressed her up as Miley Cyrus and sent her to the beer-mine, giggling the whole time.
Matty and Schmoop followed along behind her, still giggling, to see what Drive-by Mikey would do when she got there.
To which Drive-By Mikey immediately said...
"You're 18, right?"
Followed immediately by, "Is that your cousin Matty?? Or is it Schmoop's??"
Mikey quickly offered up a ...
Just as Louis the ice man pulls up with who else but Jay-Man who was left behind outside Matt-Mans window. He had started running after them toward the beer mine when he recognized Louis's ice truck, so he flaged him down for a ride. He was furiuos!!!
Mikey threw the doobie he was going to offer away as he turned and saw a large angry bastard approaching from behind the ice truck.
Miley Palin grabbed the doobie, still giggling, and proceeded to light up. As Jay stormed into the beer mine, Matt and Schmoop used their collective funny to defuse the situation. Matt started making penis puppets while Schmoop narrated a classic Punch and Judy skit.
as soon as Sarah Cyrus caught site of the penis puppets she damanded to receive a good tea bagging...to which Jay replied....
... Are ANY of these girls 18 yet? ...
...and then the moose drove up in a shiny new Cadillac, courtesy of Sarah Palin,grabbed Schmoop and Matt-Man and Jay and went to Wendy's for chili and a baked potato, where they ran into Dana, taking pictures for her project, whereupon....
..they all agreed that they had a very delightful day in Bagwine.
The end.
Ha...Good job guys. I'm going to put this all together and post it soon. Thanks Y'all!! Cheers!!
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