Thursday, December 23, 2010

Happy Festivus: He Said...She Said

Matt: Hey Schmoop!? It’s Festivus and I have problems with you, ya ho bag!!

Schmoop: Ok…You dicktwizzlingfucknozzle!! Yes that is one word! Have at it!

Matt: Why do you go to bed at 7:30? I do my best work at night and sometimes it involves singing which I can’t do because Mizz Thing has her fucking head on the pillow!!

Schmoop: All I have to do is turn the fan on high! Then I can’t hear your warbling!! Also, I think I’ll stay up until 8:30 so there!

Matt: Wow…you’re a rebel!! And wow…There is a giant zit on your chin!! Holy Shit!!

Schmoop: You suck! I know it’s there you ass wipe! At least you don’t have to go to lunch with my crew tomorrow. Flashback!!!

Matt: Oh God I hated that. May God look down upon you. That crew is THE worst. How come rude, lazy boors have jobs and I don’t? Where’s the justice, Dammit!!?

Schmoop: I don’t know baby, they all SUCK!! And, get this, we’re going to Red Lobster, again. What the fuck can I eat there? Oh, I know, beer, and soup. God I hate seafood.

Matt: I love seafood, but I loathe all of those people. Well, except you of course…sorta…kinda. And by the way, that one year I ordered scallops and they were dime sized. What the fuck!?

Schmoop: Loathe me all you want dear, I think that’s HAWT!! Oh well, there will be alcohol on someone else’s dime, and I have a driver. Most excellent!!

Matt: Well that makes it all worthwhile, although the soul sucking that will go on is a heavy price to pay.

Schmoop: Not where I sit! I tend to have like minded stupid right beside me! Yea me!!

Matt: Okay…Well let’s wrap…er…rap?…this up and let me say Happy Festivus to you, you lovable moron, you.

Schmoop: Happy Festivus my favorite cuntnugget! I have much loves!!

And now ladies and gentlemen, another blatant and gratuitous promo for I’m With Stupid…

Tonight at 11 PM EST on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio, Jayman and I will be celebrating Festivus!!

We will be airing our grievances against society and hope that you listen in and call in with your grievances against us.

C’mon…join us in letting it all out you morons. We know that many of you more issues than a magazine stand so call-in and let it out.

In addition to that, we will be discussing bad Christmas presents, why I don’t have a song for this week, and…

We’ll have a live Festivus remote from Butte, MT. with our roving correspondent, Dick Burns. Also…

Everyone’s favorite losing U.S. Senatorial candidate, Carl Paladino will be chiming in with a Festivus/Christmas message of hope and inspiration for all.

So join us tonight at 11 PM EST on Blog Talk Radio. You can go to our radio page by clicking HERE.

See ya tonight on the radio and until then…



Michele said...

Merry Christmas Matt and Schmoop!

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Thanks and same to you, JR, and your entire family. You are wunnerful. Cheers Michele!!

Jay said...

Xmas party at Red Lobster? Oh yeah! I'd hit those cheesy garlic biscuits hard baby.

David said...

Dick Burns in Butte????


Scott Oglesby said...

Red Lobster has certainly gone hill but the biscuits are still good.

In case I don’t talk to you again before hand, I hope you both have a Joyous Baby Jesus Day!!

Mike said...

@Scott - You always want to talk to Matt-man before "hand". It can be really messy afterwards.