Thursday, December 02, 2010

He Said...She Said

It's Thursday so you know what that means...That's Right!!

Another edition of He Said...She Said

Let's get right to it.

Matt: So as of today, I guess I’m laid off…

Schmoop: It’s ok baby, we’ll make do. Don’t we always?

Matt: Of course we do…I filed for unemployment online this morning…but…

Schmoop: Well, that’s good…but what?

Matt: I had to call the ex to get Ryno’s SS number. Guess what she said…

Schmoop: Oh hell, do I want to know?

Matt: Well…She said to me…Not, “that’s a shame“…not…“are ya going to be alright“…she said…and I quote: “What does this mean for me?”

Schmoop: Oh fuck no, she din’t. What the fucking hell? I’m trying to leave off certain expletives, can’t you tell?

Matt: Yeah, she did. We were getting along so well….food every Sunday, chuckles ’bout Ryno, and then? Bom Bom Bommmmm…the money dries up!!

Schmoop: That’s the way it always has been with her. Damn, I wanna slap a’ bish! What about everything being about Ryno? Where in hell does that come into play? Hmmm…?

Matt: Well now…five seconds after my hesitation of silence over the “what about ME ?” quote, she said, “I mean, what about Ryno?”

Schmoop: Of course she did. What a twatwaffle. I’m sorry baby, I wish I could do something. You know, like…umm. Whatever…she is what she is.

Matt: I know…and the best thing is, she called me back after she gave me Ryno’s SS Number and said, “Why does this happen every year?!”

Schmoop: Every year!!? She is delusional, isn’t she? Jeez Louise!

Matt: Eh…I go to take and pick up Ryno on Thursday, so we shall see…It could be all well and fine by then.

Schmoop: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha…“Well and fine“…You ARE such an optimist!!

Matt: I used to be…And now I ’m laid off!!

Schmoop: I do NOT give a flying rat’s ass if you’re laid off! Well, I mean I do, but we WILL get thru all of this together, right? We are a team, for better or worse. Done deal.

Matt: Thanks Schmoop…I love you…and, well, I’m sure they’ll still love me as much as they always have; well…at least Ryno will.

Schmoop: Of course Ryno will!! You know why? Because he got the best of you…from you, and you alone!! Oh, and by the way…she doesn’t need to love you. I got that covered!!

Matt: You are too kind…And I love you too. And, I can’t wait to go to Ryno’s house to pick him up.

Have a Wunnerful Thursday and as always…

Cheers!!


And now...

Jay's latest promo for our Jew-a-Palooza Hanukkah Show featuring Mel Gibson...Friday night on Blog Talk Radio:



(Click on twaud.io to hear it and click HERE to access our radio page.)

28 comments:

Jay said...

Ugh! This makes me wanna pu .. uh, I mean, it's so nice that Schmoop is there for ya dude. ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I can't help it that she's retarded. She digs me for that reason and I have to go with it. Cheers Jay!!

Micky-T said...

Fuck!

Mike said...

Bummer!! Hey, maybe you can make money blogging? Nevermind.

Oh, and I'm writing down 'twatwaffle'. I'm going to try and work it into a conversation over the next couple of days.

Scott Oglesby said...

That’s why they are ex’s brother man. Seriously.

I have two words for you; Crack Farming. I’m just now looking into it myself because I’m going to need some money for when I move back. Anyway, from what I hear, you just sprinkle some low quality blow in your yard, in, well, in lines, I guess, then you sprinkle some ground kitten dust on top, then wait a couple months and you’ll have a nice crack harvest.

You know I suck at farming but this is going to work!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Dude! I thought they were only going to cut your hours a little - not cut ALL your hours. That sucks!

Raquel's World said...

Awww, sorry Matt-Man. That really sucks but good thing Schmoop is so understanding. You could have the woman in your home asking "what does this mean for me?" She's a keeper.

Raquel's World said...

I think you should use this time to work on the Wild Irish Rose idea.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...perhaps you could set up a sidewalk twatwaffle stand...

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Ha. I do so love that word. Cheers Mick!!

Mike: Ha!! I am living proof that one can't make money from blogging. Well, most can't. Enjoy the twatwaffle. Cheers Funny Man!!

Scott: Not a bad idea, but this is Meth Country. Maybe I'll start a Meth Farm. Ima gettin my hydroponic garden system out of storage today. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Evil: Well, it had to be done. Mike did the right thing in terms of the survival of the Beer Mine. Adapt and overcome I shall. Cheers ETW!!

Raquel: I have a long list made out of things I will accomplish and the WIR idea is near the top. Thanks and Cheers Sexy!!

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: Ha!! That mind of yours never stops synapsing. Cheers P-Man!!

Beth said...

I know honey, I'll become a phone sex operator!! We'll be rolling in the quarters in no time;)

Knight said...

Last night I wrote this whole comment about how that's a bitch and I meant the situation...and the ex. Then I suggested you go into phone sex sales. (I would like you to send me the number if that happens by the way.)
But of course it seems it didn't save. That's a whole night of phone sex you missed out on.

Knight said...

Jesus, how did she post that while I was writing the same damn thing!?

MysteryChick said...

FUCK! I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm even sorrier to hear that your ex is a selfish twatwaffle (my new favorite word). What a bitch.

I hope your economic recovery comes soon!

Joker_SATX said...

That sucks some major monkey balls!

And I am so glad to hear that the economy is improving...I am just wondering for whom?

Joker does the head-desk as all of his friends are losing their jobs

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: You do have the voice for that and I'll be employing that voice tonight to record an IWS bit tonight if you don't mind. Cheers and Zoooooves!!

Knight: I think it's fate. Phone Sex it is!!

Chick: It shall all work itself out in the end. Now, since I am sad and idle, can ya spare me some time to work on your end? Cheers Chick!!

Matt-Man said...

Joker: I think somehow, that evil cartoonish types are responsible for the demise of me and others. Cheers Joker!!

Beth said...

Can I use my British accent?

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: Ha...In this case, yes...yes you can. Cheers Schmoop!!

You can Call me AL said...

twatwaffle...that's a new one, Sounds like something you eat.

Matt, sorry to hear the beer mine dried up. I know you'll land on your feet, with more funny tales to tell.

Matt-Man said...

Al: Thanks for chiming in...I shall rethink, recoup and soon enough all will be back on track.

Thanks for sticking around and reading for as long as you have. I appreciate it. Hope all is well with you and Cheers Al!!

Dana said...

I got nothin' ...

But you already knew that ...

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Well, I wouldn't exactly say that. Cheers Dana!!

Mike said...

Now that you have extra time on your hands you could follow Luis around all day putting signs on the back of his truck. Hey, it's something to keep you busy.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha...That's the best "killing time while on unemployment" idea I have heard!! Cheers Mike!!

cathy said...

OFF, what a horrible word.
The whole concept of being laid off would be so much better without it!

... and your ex is your ex for a reason, right?

Write a book.