Tuesday, January 18, 2011

He Said...She Said

And now folks…time for another installment of He Said…She Said!!

Matt: Hey Schmoop…What the Hell was that “ploink” noise?

Schmoop: Ha! I put a spoon in the chili to see if it was thawed! Cool huh?

Matt: It sounded sexual.

Schmoop: I know, but it’s frozen, so I want to leave it out for a little longer.

Matt: That’s what I say to myself about your hoo-ha prior to attempting to stick my spoon into YOUR chili.

Schmoop: Ploink, ploink!!

Matt: Ha. Cute…I need to use your lighter….Mine just died. Can you do me a solid and let me use yours?

Schmoop: I really hate to share, can’t you go get another one?

Matt: Why yes…I could go out into the cold evening and get one, but I’d rather not. Anyway, you seem to be open to sharing other parts of yourself with me.

Schmoop: Well that’s because when I’m sharing THAT, I’m getting something out of it!!

Matt: I understand that. ’Cause when I am sharing my incredible sense of humor with you, you in turn are getting the joy of laughter.

Schmoop: Um, I didn’t exactly mean that. You know that sharing. I do however, love your sense of humor!

Matt: Since when? You never laugh out loud…Are you trying to hide your appreciation of my God Given gift!? Sinner!!

Schmoop: I laugh out loud, you just don’t hear it. Are you that dense? I mean THAT sharing. Geez.

Matt: Are you being sexual again? Did I not pick that up? Does this remind you of the swim trunk incident that happened to me years ago or what?

Schmoop: Oh you mean that one time when some floozie picked you up, took you back to her house, and suggested that you guys get in her swimming pool? Wink, wink. You said, and I quote “I don’t have any swim trunks”? Moron ;)~ Get it now?

Matt: Got it.

Schmoop: Good.

After Monday night’s interview I am thankfully secure (almost) that Sarah Palin’s political career in terms of holding office is over.

She was getting a golden shower of questions from Sean Hannity and she still couldn’t drink them up.

Sad…Hee…not really…she’s a moron.

Gone most of the day today, so I shall catch you all soonly.



Anonymous said...

I'm hearing Sarah "half governor" Palin and Sean Hannity; golden showers.

Spare my eyes...please....oh for the love of all that is holy, think of the children. Isn't it enough they have been raped by pedophile priests?..the children I mean. SP and SH could probably benefit from the laying on of hands from the clergy.

David said...

I didn't mean to be anonymous.

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha. Sorry to promulgate that vision. A thousand pardons. Cheers David!!

Jay said...

So did Schmoop let you borrow her lighter or not? I got lost. That happens a lot.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Yeah she did...and then her constant whining about it, drove me to drive to see Drive By Mikey for a pint of Rose and a new lighter. Cheers Funny Man!!

Mike said...

Drive by Mikey does give you the 'recently let go employee' price on products doesn't he? He better.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Yes...oddly it's the same price as eveyone else gets. Cheers Mike!!

Desert Rat said...

Ha! Put a smile on my face, the banter, it did. I'm feeling funky and that helped cheer me right up. Time to go get some ginger beer!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: I'm glad we could, and delight in the fact that in the near future you will be receiving some Wild Irish Rose. How big is that!? Cheers Adorable One!!

Desert Rat said...

Dude, don't get me all riled up like that!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Oh you just wait. Cheers Rat!!