Thursday, February 03, 2011

Happy Chinese New Year, You Wascally Wabbit

It’s going to be one helluva good day today, chuckleheads!!

Oh sure, some of the side roads are still a mess and the schools are closed again in the aftermath of The Great February Ice Storm of 2011 sponsored by Mentos, The Freshmaker!!, but…

Today the sun will be shining and a few minutes ago, I did something that put a huge ass smile on my face…

I took Schmoop to work. That’s right!!

After being pent up with her in the digs for two days, I have made it to other side of the mountain, and am now free fallin’ into the Land of Milk and Honey!! Praise be to GAWD, and the Holy Baby Jeebus, Amen!!

Now don’t get me wrong. I love the Schmoopster as much as any teenage boy in the backwoods of Kentucky loves his sister, but man…

When she is home during the week, I don’t get anything done. Guy Ahnyurdyck has yet to file his report from Cairo for the I’m With Stupid show.

The Super Bowl intro has yet to be recorded for tonight’s show, and…it’s very uncomfortable jacking off to internet porn knowing she’s sitting at the table eight feet away from me.

And another thing, the bitch can drink. I of course, have to try to keep up with her, and let me tell ya, it ain’t easy.

I’m not going to know how to act Friday morning waking up without a hangover. Oy Vey!!

Oh well, the routine is back and order has been restored to the House of Bagwine. I and my liver are most appreciative.

As I mentioned, I’m With Stupid airs tonight at 11 PM EST. Jayman and I will be previewing the upcoming Super Bowl.


Marty Martenstein will be reporting from North Dallas, and hopefully…

Guy Ahnyurdyck will file his report from Cairo and I will have done the Super Bowl intro. (No worries Jay, it’ll all get done with minutes to spare)

And as today is the start of the Chinese New Year, I’m sure I can figure out something to say that will offend the sensitivities and respectful silence of every god damn slant-eyed, yellow devil who may be listening…which I am sure there will be none.

Anyhoo…

That’s I’m With Stupid tonight at 11 PM EST on Blog Talk Radio. To access our radio show page click HERE.

Off to see my school-free son sometime this morning, so I’ll catch you all later, and hopefully see you tonight on the radio.

Cheers!!

9 comments:

Beth said...

You suck! Just kidding ;)

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: Ha...Even though you work in a soul crushing environment, you're probably more happy than I. Now clean that ferret out so we can have sex by my birthday!! Cheers and Zoooooves!!

Jay said...

Maybe I should have waited until next week to pimp the show in all the "We Love China" groups on Facebook?

Desert Rat said...

How do you "see" us on the radio?

Matt-Man said...

Jay: They know I ma just kidding and that my love for all things Chinese is as profound as Confucius and as wide as the Yangtze river...or something. Cheers Jay!!

Rat: It is a special skill that I have and trust me...When I see you, you are always naked. Cheers Lovely One!!

Raquel's World said...

Ha! Each day I grow more fond of Schmoop.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Ha. I am sure she appreciates that. I dig her. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Mike said...

6 and a half more hours to the show. Will he remember? I don't know. That's a looooong time to remember something.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Remember what? Cheers Mike!!