Friday, April 22, 2011

Good Friday: Always Leave Em' Wanting More

It's Super Happy Hole-ly Week Happy Hour™ drink up Bitches; the laughs and Bagwine are on me.

As I have pointed out many times, Jeebus is one funny Messianic Muthafuckah.

Facing certain death did not dull JC’s spear tipped wit.

When the Romans came to escort him to his demise, he told them:

“I can’t go until I do LX Push-Ups and do my XXX minute Pontius Pilates workout, LOL. I wanna be able to push away that big stone later, y'know. LOL…

And whatever shall I wear? I‘ve never been much of a cross dresser. LOL.”

And then Jeebus spoke to a couple of the Centurions:

“Hey boys, I had the strangest dream last night. God was speaking to me and he kept calling me Moses.

I said, "Father, my name is Jesus, not Moses. Yet God kept calling me Moses, Moses, Moses..."

I finally said to him, "My God, my God, why have you mistaken me? LOL."

Yeah baby, JC’s stand-up act was kickin’ ass to the end. He even turned his Heavenly Hilarity onto one of the condemning Rabbis:

“Yo, Rabbi, what’s the difference between a horny pig and a Jewish man? A horny pig eats pork. Bada Bing, Bitches. LOL.”

And then he spoke to a reporter from the Jericho Times...

"Y'know how I walked on water? I strapped on a pair of water moccasins. LOL"

Once at Golgotha, and being readied to be hung up, J-Mac entertained the crowd by doing many of his now famous Knock-Knock jokes…

Like the one he told to the onlookers, using Simon as his straight man:

“Knock-Knock…Who’s There? God…God Who? Goddamn this is gonna hurt!! LOL.”

He brought the crowd down with that one and then Jeebus had a request. He shouted to Andrew:

“Yo, ‘Drew-Dawg…Get this party started by throwing on some Crucifixion music. Throw on that song that I like so much.”

With that, Andrew played this centuries later Bagwine Classic:

After the Romans nailed JC to the cross, and firmly planted the crucifix into the hillside, Jeebus got in one last zinger:

“I’m just glad that the KKK has yet to be invented, because they’d set this crucifix on fire, and I’d end up with Hot Cross Buns. LOL”

And with that, the crowd laughed, Jeebus looked skyward, and murmured...

“Tetelestai, Bitches”.

And so it was.

And now folks, some I'm With Stupid information...

Noon EDT on Sabbatum Sanctum (That's this Holy Saturday, you Heathens!!), Jayman and I will be broadcasting our I'm With Stupid Easter Extravaganza on Blog Talk Radio.

We will be singing our praises to Jesus and all things resurrection related and we'd like you to join in with us.

You can listen, join the chat, and call-in and help us to celebrate the glory that is Easter.

We have a very special musical opening, Guy Ahnyurdyck will be reporting live from the resurrection, and Jayman has managed to nail Christ down on a very special announcement.

All this and more on I'm With Stupid Noon EDT this Saturday on Blog Talk Radio.

To access our show page and join in on the Easter fun, click HERE.

Have a wunnerful Easter weekend all and I hope to see you on the radio on Saturday.



Jay said...

J-Man's stand up routine was great. He was a total pro. Larry King did a great job opening for him too.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: It was is so good I've done the same Good Friday post for three years running that's quite a run. I hope J-Man someday returns to his comedy roots. Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...


You must have been one hell of a religion student back in the day.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: And MIke, I still am. I am utterly fascinated with world religions. Cheers Mike!!

Knight said...

Hilarious. It's funny every year. I think my favorite set up was "Whatever shall I wear?".

Matt-Man said...

KNight: Ha. Thanks, that's my favorite one as well. Cheers and Happy Easter Knight!!

Dianne said...

I have fond memories of the Easter that Jeebus played the Vegas strip, I was hooking that year and he kept calling me Mama

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Ha. That's cool but also weird, as I know you are far from being a virgin. Hope you are feeling better. Cheers Di!!

Joker_SATX said...

Matt..this was AWESOME! I never knew you were such an authority on the Last Days of Good Ole JC.

Matt-Man said...

Joker: I try not to shamelessly out my vast and penetrating knowledge. I am but a humble man. Cheers Joker!!

Desert Rat said...

I always enjoy Holy Week with Matt-Man! Yes, I do!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Why thank you, I try to be as informative and uplifting as is divinely possible, Rat. And thank you by the way, for the sympathy I received just a few minutes ago. ; )

Desert Rat said...

Well, if I'da checked this yesterday, I wouldn't have sent an email today (doh!). Glad it arrived, Dearheart.