It’s Holy Thursday!!
J-Man and His Gang of Twelve all sat down to eat after Jeebus, who had a foot fetish, washed their feet.
Why the feets washing, you ask?
And as the Big Toe and a quasi-person who had a fear of toe jam, Jesus liked to scour the figurative feet of redemption.
They all sat down to eat. Jeebus passed around bread and wine and told them that it symbolized his body and blood, and they should eat him and drink him.
Thus, the celebration of the Eucharist was born.
Unbeknownst to the Apostles, Mary Magadalene was ‘neath the dinner table between J-Man’s legs, performing…um…a more literal celebration of the Eucharist.
After they ate, Jeebus went out into the Garden of Gethsemane and wept and prayed, and prayed and wept...
Jeebus was not weeping because he knew that he was going to die tomorrow; he was weeping because he knew that he had just received his last blow job.
As I explained yesterday, Judas had already identified to the Romans which guy was Christ by slipping him some tongue.
Jeebus stood in the garden, dried his tears, turned his frown upside down, looked at Judas, and said…
“Judas? It was you who kissed me, and here all along, I thought it was John who made up the 8.3% of the gay Apostolic community. LOL.”
With that being done, Jeebus was arrested.
The twelve Apostles were angry...as angry as angry could be, and, it was Matthew who cried out to God announcing the travesty that they were witnessing by screaming:
“Holy Crap!! Our last supper together was a piece of un-fucking-leavened bread? Somebody trumpet out for pizza, god dammit, I'm fucking starving!!”
Not a good ending to the night for anyone involved.
Well, except for Mary Magdalene who, sitting in the corner of the room, was well satisfied, puffing on a cigarette, and accepting the fact that she would be unfairly and untruthfully demonized for centuries.
And there you have it folks…
The events leading up to the death of the Holy Baby Jeebus.