If you read yesterday’s post, you know that I am seceding from the United States, turning the Bagwine digs into its own, autonomous nation.
As promised, I contacted the U.S. State Department, specifically, Under Secretary for Political Affairs, William J. Burns, and formally announced my intentions.
Herein, lies the copy of the e-mail sent to him yesterday morning…
Dear Under Secretary Burns,
Living in the United States has for me, become unbearable, maddening, and quite frankly, disappointing.
The impetus for this stems from the ideological blather that fills the airwaves of talk radio, the raging, mindless “political punditry” that oozes through the fiber optic conduits of cable TV, and most importantly…
I am disappointed in the U.S. Congress and Executive Office for treating the course and future of the nation as some type of game which when played as currently, is but a means to their ends and reelections, while yielding nothing for the American people other than bitterness and despair.
I know, by invoking Article IV and/or the supremacy clause in Article VI of the Constitution you will tell me this action is illegal, but I must press on and do some invoking myself.
My action of forming an independent enclave state within the U.S. is based upon the moral right to secede in order to protect the right to free political participation, preserve the culture of the inhabitants, as well as the right to liberty and freedom of association.
Please inform Secretary Clinton and President Obama of my intentions and allow me to pass on a few facts about the new country of The Benevolent Bungalow of Bagwine so you guys will know something about us…
Land Size: approx. 710 sq. ft.
Capital: Computer de la Matt-Man
Largest City: The Living Room
Head of State: Philosopher King Matt-Man (figurehead)
Prime Ministress: Schmoop
Major Exports: American Dollars and Sarcasm
Major Imports: Cigarettes, Beer, Wine, and Frozen Pizza. (You’d have a rare trade SURPLUS with us!!)
Gross Domestic Product: 3 times a week when really lucky.
Arable Land: 0% (unless I buy a potted hosta and then it zooms to .0001%)
Livestock: 1 domestic feline per every 2 people
Literacy Rate: 100% (at least when it’s early in the day)
I hope these statistics will help you to get to know us better.
Again, thank you, and I hope to have formal, yet warm international relations with the United States soon.
Matt Mahoney, Philosopher King of BBB