Department of Homeland Security and the U.S. State Department: Operation Drink Bagwine Dry!!

Last week, I began my secessionist movement from the United States by declaring our apartment an autonomous nation known as the, Benevolent Bungalow of Bagwine.

I sent an e-mail to the attention of William Burns who is the Under Secretary for Political Affairs at the U.S. State Department alerting him of my secession.

You can read the transcript of the e-mail by clicking, HERE.

I have yet to hear from him directly or anyone from the State Department, but yesterday at 9:20 A.M., I noticed that perusing the pages of Bagwine Ruminations, was someone from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security:

April 11th 2011 09:20:46 AM
Referring URL: 0
Washington, District Of Columbia, United States
Department Of Homeland Security (216.81.81.85)
No referring link

While I stated in my e-mail to Under Secretary Burns that I wanted to maintain warm, diplomatic relations with the U.S. during my secession, I consider DHS doing sub rosa intelligence work on me to be an affront to my extended arm and open hand.

In fact, I see this action of internet espionage in lieu of contacting me openly, to be akin to a cyber assault on the Benevolent Bungalow of Bagwine and her sovereignty.

Thusly...

As this nascent, enclave nation of Bagwine is obviously staring down the business end of the wrath of the United States Department of Homeland Security and State Department, I have no alternative but to seek not only economic aid, but military aid as well.

To wit…

On Tuesday, I shall be sending electronic communiqués to not only the Chinese Embassy, but to the United Nations is hopes of seeking some type of peace keeping force.

If my requests meet with success in securing economic and military aid, I will then contact the International Olympic Committee and put in BBB’s request to host the 2020 Summer Olympic games.

I shall post my e-mails on Wednesday and give you any updates on my progress, and/or any jail cell descriptions that I can relate in the coming hours.

But let me say this…

If I am jailed over this, it is a violation of International Law because I should be afforded diplomatic immunity, after all, I have the plates to prove that I am a credentialed diplomat:

Take that, State Department!!

I am off now for there is much to do, but I shall post a copy of my e-mails Wednesday. Wish me luck, and pray that Bagwine’s struggle for independence comes to fruition.

Cheers!!

State Department Under Secretary William J. Burns...The Wine Has Been Poured, and the Die Has Been Cast!!

If you read yesterday’s post, you know that I am seceding from the United States, turning the Bagwine digs into its own, autonomous nation.

As promised, I contacted the U.S. State Department, specifically, Under Secretary for Political Affairs, William J. Burns, and formally announced my intentions.

Herein, lies the copy of the e-mail sent to him yesterday morning…

Dear Under Secretary Burns,

It is with sadness that I have to inform you, and the government of the United States of this, but with heavy heart, yet resolute conviction, I am seceding from the United States of America and forming my own, autonomous nation.

Living in the United States has for me, become unbearable, maddening, and quite frankly, disappointing.

The impetus for this stems from the ideological blather that fills the airwaves of talk radio, the raging, mindless “political punditry” that oozes through the fiber optic conduits of cable TV, and most importantly…

I am disappointed in the U.S. Congress and Executive Office for treating the course and future of the nation as some type of game which when played as currently, is but a means to their ends and reelections, while yielding nothing for the American people other than bitterness and despair.

I know, by invoking Article IV and/or the supremacy clause in Article VI of the Constitution you will tell me this action is illegal, but I must press on and do some invoking myself.

My action of forming an independent enclave state within the U.S. is based upon the moral right to secede in order to protect the right to free political participation, preserve the culture of the inhabitants, as well as the right to liberty and freedom of association.

Please inform Secretary Clinton and President Obama of my intentions and allow me to pass on a few facts about the new country of The Benevolent Bungalow of Bagwine so you guys will know something about us…

Population: 2

Land Size: approx. 710 sq. ft.

Capital: Computer de la Matt-Man

Largest City: The Living Room

Head of State: Philosopher King Matt-Man (figurehead)

Prime Ministress: Schmoop

Major Exports: American Dollars and Sarcasm

Major Imports: Cigarettes, Beer, Wine, and Frozen Pizza. (You’d have a rare trade SURPLUS with us!!)

Gross Domestic Product: 3 times a week when really lucky.

Arable Land: 0% (unless I buy a potted hosta and then it zooms to .0001%)

Livestock: 1 domestic feline per every 2 people

Literacy Rate: 100% (at least when it’s early in the day)

I hope these statistics will help you to get to know us better.

I thank you for your time and will be contacting the U.N. in order to make them aware of my intent, as well as contacting the Chinese Embassy among others, in order to seek economic assistance, along with notifying many and varied media outlets.

Again, thank you, and I hope to have formal, yet warm international relations with the United States soon.

Sincerely,

Matt Mahoney, Philosopher King of BBB
937.xxx.xxxx
bagwine.blogspot.com

Cheers!!

I Prefer Liberty With Danger Than Peace With Stupidity !!

I am so sick of the United States. Tired of living here. Fed up beyond belief.

I am disgusted with American cable news, political pundits, talk radio egos, and our government, all of which are loaded with right wing nuts, left wing kooks, and plain and simple, crazy people.

So…

I am leaving the country as quickly as possible. “To which country will you flee, Matt?”…you ask?

None. They all suck.

No my friends, I am not leaving this nation in the physical sense. I am leaving the United States of America in a ideological, political, and constitutional sense.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am seceding from the Union. So move over San Marino, Liechtenstein, and Vatican City…

The Benevolent Bungalow of Bagwine is about to be established and become the newest and tiniest nation in the world.

There a few bugs to work out and things to think through, but I am already working on these things.

First of all…

The secession and this new nation involves only this apartment, so when I send my letter of secession to the U.S. State Department, they will likely consider it to be the mere ramblings of a mad man and probably won’t dispatch the military to quash my rebellion.

Secondly, I need to establish a Head of State, so…

I am appointing myself, Philosopher King of Bagwine. I haven’t cleared this with the other resident of this natal nation, but I’m sure Schmoop will express her agreement when I tell her, by saying to me:

“Whatever Mahoney.”

That pending, yet certain response may seem to be indifference, but what it really is, is a mandate.

And in all fairness, and since Schmoop is the only other human resident of the Benevolent Bungalow of Bagwine, in my infinite wisdom, I will appoint her to several cabinet positions.

This is all I am at liberty to publicly disclose for now, but no worries.

I am going to work Monday on my letter of secession that I will be sending (and don’t think I won’t) to the State Department, and will share that with you and any response that I may get from them (which I’m sure I will).

Additionally, I will be contacting the Chinese Embassy to see if they will back my secession through diplomatic and monetary aid. I will let you know how that works out for me as well.

There you go…The seeds of secession have been sown, and now it’s time to fertilize them by working on some details and writing and sending out a few well-placed e-mails.

Let Freedom Ring, Bitches, and as always…

Cheers!!