Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Overheard in Bagwine

Happy Tuesday to you all…How ‘bout we do a little installment that I call, Overheard in Bagwine™, shall we?

We shall…

Sunday morning while Schmoop and I enjoy a post-coital smoke...

Schmoop: Wow…I’m impressed.

Me: With what? My always incredible sexual skills?

Schmoop: No. I’m impressed that I can still get my legs up that high and wide.

Me: Hey-Ooooooooo

Talking to my son Ryno and his Mom on Mother’s Day outside of the Beer Mine…

Mom: See the beautiful bracelet our son bought me?

Me: That’s very nice. That’s very pretty Ryno, good job.

Ryno: You know what isn’t very pretty?

Me: What?


Mom: Ryan!!

Ryno and Me: Hee Hee Hee Hee…

At the Beer Mine Monday night, as some underage punk is pleading with me to sell him beer…

Punk: C’mon sell me a Four Loco, man.

Me: I need to see an ID…man.

Punk: You sold one to my friend earlier when I was with him.

Me: I know. Your friend is 21.

Punk: My dad is a cop. You should have carded us both when you sold it to him.

Me: That doesn’t make any sense. If you want one, show me an ID.

Punk: I’m 21.

Me: ID or get lost.

Punk: Here… (shows me his ID)    

Me: You’re only 20.

Punk: But tonight, I’m 21 (wink wink) right?

Me: Ummmmm, no…now move along sonny.

Punk: Don’t you think that if I am old enough to join the Army, I should be able to buy a beer?

Me: No…not when you’re an asshole. Now get out of here.

Punk: You’re a jerk.

Me: Ha. I know, but guess what? I’m old enough to drink. Hee Hee. Now get out of here.

50 year old or so Female Customer who saw and heard the end of the exchange: Ha Ha Ha Ha, Well done.

Me: Ha. Thanks!!

Ahhhhhhhhh, I love that shit. Now…

In case you missed I’m With Stupid this past Saturday on Blog Talk Radio, you can listen to it in archives by utilizing this handy dandy BTR machine:


We talked Kentucky Derby, Mother’s Day and a whole bunch of other stuff. 

In spite of NBC and Time Warner trying to keep us down, we persevered with some funny stuff so listen if and when you can…please.

I shall be gone much of the day, so I will catch you all when I can. Have a wonderful Tuesday, and as always…



Mike said...

'I enjoy post-coital smoke'

Yeah but lubrication will keep the friction down. You don't want Schmoop to burst into flames.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: If a guy needs the aid of lube when having sex with a woman, he isn't doing things very well. Cheers Mike!!

Raquel's World said...

Dumb Kid- Seriously?? My dad's a cop. Yeah that will encourage me to sell you beer underage.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Ha. I know. I'm sure I'll read about him in a police report soon enough. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

David said...

I think that kid is likely a future Darwin Award winner.

Jay said...

I bet when nobody is around that kid listens to the Jonas Brothers.

Dana said...

Schmoop: No. I’m impressed that I can still get my legs up that high and wide.

Ummm ... picture or it didn't happen ;)

MysteryChick said...

These are some of my favorites posts of yours!

Sorry I missed the show Saturday, I woke up at 7 and realized I missed it. I'll have to catch it in the archives.

BTW - did anyone else have problems posting comments on blogger yesterday? I tried to post here and on Roc's page and kept getting system not available errors.

Matt-Man said...

David: Oh he's gonna win something alright. Maybe a jail term for embezzlement. Cheers David!!

Jay: Ha. I bet you're right. He thought he was so bad, too. what an idjit. Cheers Jay!!

Dana: I've posted one before. And seriously, she can still go 180and 90 degrees at the same time. Cheers Dana!!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: I like these as well. Sorry we missed you but we'll be doing it all again this Saturday at 6:30 PM. And no...I don't recall any comment problems yesterday. Cheers Sexy!!

Knight said...

The kid is already 20 and can't get his hands on a decent fake ID? What the fuck? Hell mine got me in everywhere even though it said I was 5'2 with brown eyes and I'm 5'9with huge blue eyes. Nobody notices a damn thing if the hair color matches. And what twenty year old would mention their daddy in that conversation unless he still lived with him?
Put up a sign at the Beer Mine that says "Annoying punks will be kicked in the balls. Speak at your own risk."

Matt-Man said...

Knight; It was a real ID, that's the funny psrt. It said he was 20. Ha. What a maroon. And by the way...I notice everything. Every nook and cranny. Cheers Knight!!

Beth said...

Boy you get some real winners, don't ya! I mean besides Mikey;)

Matt-Man said...

Beth: Hey!! Now you watch it missy. I'll beat your ass. I mean...well...yeah, I will. Cheers and Zooooves!!

Marilyn said...

the comments are almost as much fun as the post

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: Ha. Aren't they always? Good to see you Marilyn. I hope all is well. Cheers Friend!!