Thursday, July 07, 2011

Bullets, Dreams, and Corn Nuts

Wow!! What a stupid day on the work front. A short work week should not constitute this much dumbfuckery. It has been nothing but constant barrage of shit. I was seriously ready to kill someone by 11:00 AM.

God, just fucking listen to me and everyone will live, people!!



I’m talking semi-automatic on the roof day. Oh PMS, how I love you. You magnify the stupid by 1000. Well, at least I know that ice cream is on my shopping list. Mmmmm…Ice Cream!!

But, I digress…or do I? Anyhoo…today’s post.

Analyze this dream for me. I dreamt I was home alone and the power went out. When it came back on, I was without internet or phone, and…I was naked.

Then…

The TV lights up with a message from the Matt-Man. He said he wasn’t coming home from work because he had to drink all the Rose as it was about to go bad, and he had a date with some dude named, Guy Ahnyurdyck.

All of a sudden, I’m outside my building in the dark and a storm is coming. At this point, I have clothes on, you pervs. The wind starts howling, the clouds roll in, but no storm.

Turns out to be a huge swarm of armor plated ticks, and the only thing I have to fight them off with is a small bag of Corn Nuts. But…

They like the Corn Nuts, so I drop the Corn Nuts and start running, and running, and begin to knock on doors to find help. All I find are zombies…well-dressed zombies, but zombies nonetheless.

I find my way back to the apartment and bust through the door. There, in the computer chair, sits our cat, Corky typing a blog post about kitty blow. She turns around, looks at me, and says…

“Dad called. Guy canceled, and the Wild Irish Rose turned into serpents, so he’ll be home shortly. By the way…I can haz Corn Nuts…Where are my Corn Nuts?”

So? Is this normal, or am I totally fucked up?

Well…if you’ll excuse me, I must prepare for the ticks and the zombies. I’m not taking any chances with that shit.

Zoooooves!!

12 comments:

Jay said...

Always shoot zombies in the head.

I don't know WTF to do about the ticks. Hey, I can't be an expert on everything! ;-)

IWS Radio said...

As you know I am a numbers guy and, oddly enough, I have feelings...You have made fun of the numbers that Jayman and I generate on our new blog:

www.iwsradio.blogspot.com

And yet, after only a couple of weeks our hits were 1,303 on Wednesday, and ...

You with your fancy, established blog managed but a mere 317...much sadness. If you need to find solace in the arms of a man over this...I am here for you.

Matt-Man

sybil law said...

Corn Nuts!
I'm thinking Matt slipped you some acid.

Mike said...

This sounds like a normal day with the Matt-man. Are you sure you were dreaming?

Beth said...

Jay: Zombies. Shoot in head. Got it. I'll handle the ticks. Thanks.

Matt: Congratulations! No, I mean that. Who am I kidding. Suck it!

Sybil: Hey! You could be right, I'll check into that.

Beth said...

Mike: No Mike, I'm not sure.

MysteryChick said...

You're gonna want to lay off the Taco Bell before bed my friend, unless you liked that dream. If that's the case...eat up!

Beth said...

Chick: Ha! Better lay of the pizza too, cause that's what I had!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

My head hurts from trying to process all the images incorporated in this post.

This very well may send me to the Sanitorium.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

But I want some corn nutz now.

Knight said...

I know Matt has always thought of himself as a prophet but it sounds to me like you are the true prophet Beth. Now I must prepare for the apocalypse.

Beth said...

Phfrankie: Ha! I'm sorry hon, my mind is just fucked up.

Knight: Thanks! We shall prepare together. Don't forget the corn nuts;)

Raquel's World said...

It means you really really want corn nuts and must get some STAT!