God, just fucking listen to me and everyone will live, people!!
I’m talking semi-automatic on the roof day. Oh PMS, how I love you. You magnify the stupid by 1000. Well, at least I know that ice cream is on my shopping list. Mmmmm…Ice Cream!!But, I digress…or do I? Anyhoo…today’s post.
Analyze this dream for me. I dreamt I was home alone and the power went out. When it came back on, I was without internet or phone, and…I was naked.
Then…
The TV lights up with a message from the Matt-Man. He said he wasn’t coming home from work because he had to drink all the Rose as it was about to go bad, and he had a date with some dude named, Guy Ahnyurdyck.
All of a sudden, I’m outside my building in the dark and a storm is coming. At this point, I have clothes on, you pervs. The wind starts howling, the clouds roll in, but no storm.
Turns out to be a huge swarm of armor plated ticks, and the only thing I have to fight them off with is a small bag of Corn Nuts. But…
They like the Corn Nuts, so I drop the Corn Nuts and start running, and running, and begin to knock on doors to find help. All I find are zombies…well-dressed zombies, but zombies nonetheless.
I find my way back to the apartment and bust through the door. There, in the computer chair, sits our cat, Corky typing a blog post about kitty blow. She turns around, looks at me, and says…
“Dad called. Guy canceled, and the Wild Irish Rose turned into serpents, so he’ll be home shortly. By the way…I can haz Corn Nuts…Where are my Corn Nuts?”
So? Is this normal, or am I totally fucked up?
Well…if you’ll excuse me, I must prepare for the ticks and the zombies. I’m not taking any chances with that shit.
Zoooooves!!
