Thursday, August 18, 2011

With Friends Like These...

I have two “friends” that make fun of me all the time. They say they aren’t, that it’s all fun, that they love me, and all that disingenuous, craptastic bullshit.

I mean, with friends like these, you don’t need enemies.

Everyone knows them. They’re famous. One lives with me, and one lives in this box they call a computer.

That’s right, my two “friends” are Matt-Man, and Jayman from the I’m With Stupid radio show, and blog.
I should be used to being abused like this. I’ve never been what you’d call bright. I got picked on a lot. Especially when I got boobs in the 4th grade. By boobs, I don’t mean that I needed a training bra. I was 10 and needed a BRA.

Hell, my oldest brother would always tell me growing up that I was adopted. He sometimes still does. Or better yet, tells me I’m the milk man’s daughter.  My own sainted Mother would sometimes play along with it too. Or was she playing?

My brother David used to have neighborhood kids pay a quarter when I was a baby because I was a large baby, and my arms, and legs looked like twisted circus balloons. No joke.

Where the hell were my parents?

Who am I kidding. Dad was at work or at the bar, and since I was the sixth kid, Mom didn’t give two hoots. Joke people, I was her favorite, but obviously not at this time!

Sorry, I got off on a tangent....A tangent of pain. Where was I?

Oh yeah, my so called friends.

I don’t have many friends, so I just assumed the ones I did have liked me for me, quirkiness and all. I guess I was mistaken, and I am once again a small child reliving all the taunts, and being a pox on society.
I really don’t understand. I think they are the funniest, most talented, good looking guys out there in blog/radio land.

Ah well, back to hiding in the shadows of my severe mediocrity. Sigh.

Laugh clown, laugh.

Just kidding! These guys are assholes!

PS: I was totally not kidding about the family/childhood thing.



I'm With Stupid said...

Man, this really hurts. I think I'm just gonna go cry myself to sleep. I mean, I do every night, but it will be much more intense tonight.

- Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

I allow you to not only wear, but wash my clothes. I make up for the lack of love that your cat feels for you. I make you Hot Dog Helper from time to time. I allow you to do the grocery shopping. And what do I get? Heartache!!



Mike said...

Who's the guy in the picture with all the hair?

Jay said...

Well, I think Matt and I are off the hook after Mike's comment. ha!

I'm With Stupid said...

Ha...I think you are right Jay. Holy Cow!!


Mike said...

Somebody had to save you two.

Beth said...

Jay: Save it! You're guilty as charged.

Matt: Purpose? Did you just say purpose? For real? I don't even have the words.

Mike: Nice try, but you can't save these two "men".

For the record boys, you are not off the hook;)

Jay said...

Looks like it might just about be time to turn on the old charm. If I had any.

MysteryChick said...

Wow, you two have really dug yourselves in deep!

Beth said...

Jay: Ha! You can try;)

Chick: They are 12 year olds.

Anonymous said...

Make them suffer daily!
I plead guilty to wearing my husband's t-shirts & sleeping in his underwear. What?? They are clean & so comfy, those boxer briefs.
Ame in TN

Knight said...

Sounds like Syd is still around!

That rafting photo is hot.

Beth said...

Ame: I wear his shirts all the time. They are comfy, and I'm too lazy to look for mine most of the time.

Knight: You would be correct my dear! How perceptive of you;) Oh, and thanks about the photo, I was 18. Wow.

bobbybegood1 said...

Get em, Beth. Get em. For what its worth, I'll back ya. How much do ya think you could get for both - ballpark figure, huh? Damn! If only ya didn't love em. They should be sold as slaves. But what can they do? What good are they? What PURPOSE would they serve? Heaven! Only you know girl. Cheers B!!


Jay no wonder you scare off the ladies!

Beth said...

Bobby: I'll the the black market value, and let you know;)

Israel: It's the crying.

Lu' said...

I sure do like the way you write or is that think or both :) Write on or is that right on... Carry on :)