Politics: It's A Love/Hate Relationship

I have been involved in politics all my life even as a wee lad.

I have worked on campaigns since the time I was eight when an older brother ran successfully for City Commissioner and three years later when he was elected to the State Senate.

I worked on various county campaigns and in ‘97 ran another brother’s successful campaign for City Commission as well.

That victory was sweet. Although the night before the election while I was putting up last minute yard signs, I broke my finger with a 5 pound sledgehammer.

I spent election day drugged up on painkillers and beer, but…that made the Victory Party much more fun.

As Political Director for SEIU/1199 WV/OH/KY, I helped several candidates run their campaigns for seats in the West Virginia Senate and House of Delegates.

During that time, I also helped author and successfully lobby on behalf of SEIU for a piece of Nursing Home Reform legislation in the West Virginia legislature.

I had a blast down there and partied quite a bit. I’ll never forget drinking moonshine in the Speaker’s office after the legislation passed two minutes before the yearly session was adjourned.

Of course, partying in the bar at the hotel I spent three months in was fun and I would toss a few back and talk to this guy during the session:

That man is a WV Delegate named Brady Paxton, and he always amused me because to me he looked like Kenny “Fucking” Rogers!!

Good Times…Good Times. Politics to me, especially the art and science of running campaigns, has always been a game. A really cool, fun game.

I guess one of the most interesting things that happened to me during a campaign occurred during the 2000 Presidential Election.

I was working for SEIU and was at our office in Columbus working our phone bank system making GOTV calls into New Mexico on behalf of Al Gore.

At about 10 PM, I and a few others along with our Prez, Dave Regan, headed to the Hyatt for the Ohio Democratic Party election night soiree.

It was fun…for awhile, but I got bored by 1 AM. I thought I would drive to my hotel and sleep while the Florida vote count got straightened out.

On my way to my car, I decided differently.

Since I was supposed to return to Bagwine in the morning, and wasn’t buzzed, I decided to drive back to Bagwine right then.

Of course…I had nowhere to stay when I got back to Bagwine, so I called my new buddy Schmoop and woke her sleeping ass up.

I asked her if I could crash at her place in about 45 minutes. Schmoop groggily said, “Yeah…sure.”

So at about 2:15 AM, I pulled into Bagwine, knocked on her apartment door, and she let me in.

The rest is history, and I have been here ever since. The moral of that story?

Al Gore invented the internets. Al Gore inspired the movie, Love Story. Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Al Gore also couldn’t win his own fucking home state in 2000 and played a role in bringing Schmoop and I together.

I Hate Al Gore...and I'm pretty sure Schmoop does too!!

Make sure you vote today, you chuckleheads.

Cheers!!

Euna Lee, Laura Ling, and Bill Clinton's Egg Roll

Former President Bill Clinton after being out of office for eight years proved on Tuesday that he is still The Man.

Bill Clinton flew to North Korea, or as it is officially known, “Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea” (that name still cracks me up) and less than 24 hours later, he lifted off to return back to the U.S. with recently imprisoned journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling in tow.

The charm, persuasion, and charisma of Clinton was too much for the Crazy Motherfucker-in-Chief of North Korea, Kim Jong Mentally-Il to resist.

After spending time with Clinton, Krazy Kim pardoned the journalists who had been sentenced to twelve years hard labor for illegally entering the paradise that is North Korea.

Hell, I guess the two had a great meeting and good times discussing things other than the fate of the two journalists.

Kim even held a State Dinner for former Prez Clinton.

I don’t know how Clinton felt about that, because it’s kind of hard to get excited about a meal consisting of fettered water, tainted rice and dirt sandwiches. But, it’s the thought that counts.

Anyhoo…Clinton pulled off the release and I say to him…

“Way to go my man. Your years of having Al Gore by your side have given you unparalleled skills in dealing with crazy people.”

Oh how we need to send Clinton elsewhere in this world full of people whose cranial glue has melted.

I truly think his actions and successful negotiations are strokes of beauty. I hope other people recognize that as well. I seriously doubt that anyone else could have pulled this off. Kudos, Mr. Clinton.

It reminds me of the time fifteen years ago when former President Carter visited North Korea. He was smoothing things over on behalf of our two nations…and that worked pretty well too.

Eight years after Carter’s peace and humanity talks with the North Koreans, he won the Nobel Peace Prize and the Koreans had a nuclear weapons program. Talk about your win-win situation!!

I can’t see where this effort by Clinton will win him the Nobel Peace Prize, but I wouldn’t feel too badly for Clinton. Being a man who has no ego, Clinton is not into awards, praise, or acknowledgement.

No sirree; he is into one thing, and one thing only…

Is it personal success? Is it his sense of duty to his fellow man? Is it simply his adherence to the Golden Rule? No…

Bill Clinton is really into chicks of Asian descent. And trust me, while he won’t get a major award for his actions, all the way home, he was eatin’ at Euna and Laura's Sushi Bar.

I hope the three of you had an incredibly hot, steamy, and bumpy flight home together.

Congrats to Bill Clinton and a warm welcome home to Euna Lee and Laura Ling.

Cheers!!